Creativity

Girls, be creative.  Here are some things he is sure to like.

1.  If you have boys, you probably have guns.  Put on one of those toy holsters with a couple of cap guns and greet him at the door with nothing else on but boots.  O.K., throw on a cowboy hat for some added excitement if you have one.  One-liners such as “Howdy Partner,” “Want to duel,” “Let’s see who shoots first,” or “Hi Cowboy!” will really get him ready to ride.

2.  Belts.  Come on girls, if you are normal, you have about ten belts in your dresser.  Put on every one you have.  Put on nothing else except maybe some high heels.  When you get all situated, call him up to your bedroom.  Ask him which is his favorite belt?  Be sure to give him a model-like exhibition before he makes up his mind.  Once he’s worked up into a frenzy, tell him he can do anything he wants as soon as he gets each and every belt off.

3.  Hide-and-seek.  Get the children situated at the grand-parents, or have the babysitter take them out for an early dinner.  Then call your husband just before he will leave for work.  Tell him that you want to play hide-and-seek tonight.  Then tell him that you are not wearing any clothes.  Then tell him that you are going to hide until he comes home and he has to find you.  If you are really trying to get to him, tell him that you are going to be “warming yourself up” until he finds you.

4.  Grocery run.  Call your husband at work.  Tell him that you need something at the grocery store.  Ask him to get a pen and pencil to make a list.  Now, once he is ready, tell him to go to the grocery store on the way home and pick up anything he would like to lick off of, or eat off of, your naked body when he gets home.

5.  Fantasy football.  Ask your husband what fantasy football is (even if you know what it is).  Then, after he tells you all about how fantasy football is about using famous player’s statistics with other football fanatics, you shyly tell him how stupid you feel – because you thought fantasy football was either giving your husband oral sex while he watched a game at home or dressing up like a cheerleader and stripping during the game.  Then say, “Oh well, would you like me to do either one of my ideas of fantasy football?”

6.  Haircut.  While driving home one evening, ask your husband if he likes your new haircut.  When he replies that he didn’t even know you had your hair cut, tell him you weren’t meaning the hair on your head!

7.  Cut-off shorts.  Ask your husband if he will help you with a small project.  Tell him you have some pants that you want to cut-off for some summer shorts.  Then, have him sit down in the bedroom.  You take the shorts and cut off an amount that would make a pair of very modest looking summer shorts.  Then tell him to wait there while you try them on.  Then, go into the bathroom and change into them.  Now go out and model them for him.  Next, tell him you don’t think they are short enough.  Take them off (either in the privacy of the bathroom again, or in front of him with no panties on) and then cut off a little more.  Keep repeating this process for at least four or five times.  Once you have the shorts so cut-off and so short that you would be embarrassed to wear them in public, ask if he likes them.  Show off your rear in a number of very, very compromising positions.  Ask if he thinks they are really too short.  He should enjoy helping you immensely on this project.