Three hands grasping at wrists ~ MarriageHeat

Threesome?

My wife and I were shopping the other day—actually just looking—and we found ourselves in the local mall bookstore. Somehow, don’t ask me, we found ourselves in the section on sexual behavior and were laughing at some of the books. I was trying to get my wife to look at a book about lap dancing, and she was browsing something about the G-spot, whatever that is.

Anyway, as I’m rummaging through the weird and bizarre books about positions, most of which normal people couldn’t do in a million years and should never try, my wife said, “Have you ever had a threesome?”

After I regained my composure and found my voice, I asked her why she would ever ask such a question. It was then that I saw that she was looking at a book called, “The Ménage à Trois.”

I looked over her shoulder, and to my astonishment, she was staring at honest-to-goodness pornography, right here in broad daylight in the local shopping mall. There in front of her was a large color photograph of two naked women and one naked man, all beautiful, of course.

“Well?” she demanded.

“No!” I managed to stutter. “I never have.”

“Would you like too?” she asked.

Now I was starting to sweat just a bit, and I heard, as if in the distance, the sound of warning bells.

“Do you want the truth?”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling.

“Okay, then.” Gathering up my courage and taking a deep breath, I said, “Yes, I suppose it’s every man’s fantasy to have a threesome with two women.”

Surprising me, my wife just laughed and said, “You can’t handle the one you have at home. How in the world do you think that you could possibly manage to have sex with two women at the same time?”

(Have I ever mentioned how easily my wife can crush my ego with just a couple of words?)

“Sex? Is that what you think this is about? You think that I want a threesome just for sex?” In my stupidity, I thought that this line of reasoning might just sound logical to her. “Having a threesome with two beautiful women at the same time is not just about sex. It’s a test of prowess, like a rite of passage. You know, man alone with the elements, survival of the fittest, man against the machine… that sort of thing. It’s not about sex; it’s about giving it your best shot and proving that you are a man. Yeah, I know I probably can’t handle two women at the same time, but I am willing to give it a good try. Win or lose, I’ll never be able to say that I didn’t give it my very best shot!”

By now, my wife was laughing so hard that I thought she was going to hurt herself right there in the naughty aisle. Finally, between fits of laughing, crying, and trying to catch her breath, she managed to ask, “And who would you pick as the lucky lady to join us?” (More warning bells.) “None of my friends, I’m sure.”

Damn it, she was right; she could never be friends with whomever I chose, and so if I picked one of her hot friends, then she’d never be at the house again and my fantasies would come to an end.

“It couldn’t possibly be someone from church either; that’s just wrong to even think. That only leaves someone that you work with. Is there someone there that you would like to include in our lovemaking?” (Warning bells, red lights, and alarms all going off at the same time.)

“NO, of course not,” I managed to get out, hoping to steer clear of this particular topic, “Everyone I work with is either old, fat, or ugly.”

“Then who would you get?” she asks again, not laughing any longer.

“I dunno. I guess I thought that you might know someone.”

Quite indignantly, she looked me in the eye and said—rather loudly for the store, I thought— “I WILL NOT BE SOME KIND OF PIMP FOR YOUR PERVERSIONS!”

I was still struggling to respond when I heard her say, “Now, this is different.”

Caught off guard from the conversation we were just having, I looked up and saw her once again looking at the book. Only this time, she was looking at pictures of two hunky men and one hot woman.

“NO, NO, NO,” I said. “That is just wrong.”

“Why? Why is it okay for you to have two hot women, and I don’t get two hot men?”

“Because—it’s just not natural. Everyone knows that men shouldn’t be that close together naked. It’s just wrong. I don’t want to be anywhere close to another man’s… parts.”

Looking up at me and smiling that wicked smile she has, she said, “What makes you think that you were going to be a part of this? I want two other men.”

Okay, now I was just mad. “Who do you have in mind?” I asked, trying to sound calmer than I felt.

“Oh, no one in particular. I’m sure that, if we decided to do this, I could find someone.”

Suddenly a sickening thought occurred to me. “Have you ever had a threesome before?” I asked, not sure that I wanted to hear the answer. Maybe this was her fantasy, not mine.

“No, never,” she said, “and I never will.”

Still somewhat angry, I asked, “But this is a fantasy of yours, isn’t it? I mean you have thought about this before, haven’t you?”

“No, I just thought that the book looked interesting. For instance, it is not really about three people having sex; it’s about two people having sex and the third person just watching or maybe touching. But a man has only one penis and can only really have sex with one woman at a time. So if we had a threesome, then… what? Am I supposed to just watch as you screw some other woman right in front of me? Do you want to be beside me as some other man ejaculates inside of me?”

“I’d kill the bastard,” was all I could say, knowing how right she was.

“You see, for us, a threesome would simply end our marriage, and I love being married to you. Think about it, if we brought another person into our bed and liked it, then how long before we’d do it again? Then how long before we’d consider swinging? What would be next, an open marriage? Once you start this kind of thing, I don’t know if you can ever truly end it.”

I really do understand… all too clearly, actually.

“You asked me if I would like to have a threesome, and I said that it is every man’s fantasy. That is true. But for me, and I believe most men, the fantasy is probably much better than the reality could ever be. So, do I want to have a threesome? No, I don’t share well. I can’t see myself sharing you with anyone else, man or woman.”

“Good,” she replied, “then it’s settled. No sex that includes other people.”

Funny, I’d never really thought of it all quite like this, but darned if she wasn’t right again.

“Why don’t you put that book away, and let’s purchase this one.”

“What is it?” she asked, looking over my shoulder.

“101 Creative Love Making Ideas. I think it’s for old married folks like you and me.” Turning the book over in her hands, she said, “This looks like fun! I can’t wait to give some of these ideas a try.”

And with that, she headed toward the front of the store, still reading.

Later that evening as we were lying in bed and my wife was in a “cowgirl” mood, if you know what I mean (and I am sure that you do if you’re visiting this site) I pondered the day’s events. I tried to conjure up the idea of another woman with us and, try as I might, it just didn’t work for me. No matter how hard I tried, the idea somehow seemed vulgar and ugly now.

“Hey,” I heard my wife say, “what do you think you’re doing?”

“What?” I asked.

“If you can’t do better about keeping this thing up, then I’m going to roll over and take care of myself. You should at least try to be a little attentive here, don’t you think?”

I realized that I had been so wrapped up in my thoughts about a threesome that I had let other matters drop. Instead, I thought about being with my wife and how much I loved her, about her ability to make me happy, and how much I really did not want to touch any one else. Suddenly, the race was on once more. All she needed now was a hat and maybe some spurs. Ok, forget the spurs; maybe some chaps instead.

Yeah, now that’s a threesome: her, me, and a real cowgirl outfit. Ahhh, life is truly good.

Click on a heart to thank the author of this story!

Average rating / 5. Vote count:

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

We are sorry that this post was not one of your favorites!

Help us understand why.

11 replies
    • SecondMarge says:

      It was funny but not realistic. But an interesting topic that most likely has come up in every marriage or long term relationship.

  1. hmmm says:

    Your wife sounds like she was being condescending and chiding you like a child. Perhaps she was/is right but the way she spoke to you sounds really condescending.

  2. HisLilBit says:

    I loved this! This conversation sounds just like me and my husband. I love to confuse and baffle him with unexpected questions. I just love the humorous, light hearted aspect of this story. I laughed out loud at “I WILL NOT BE A PIMP FOR YOUR PERVERSIONS”! Great, just great! Please write more!!

  3. Bee says:

    Cindy here: My husband and I used to have threesomes. Usually it was one of my friends joining, but twice we had another guy join: same guy both times.

    We had our last threesome about a month after we got saved. I’ll be honest, sometimes I miss it, like a lot. I’m not saying this to defend threesomes, but it was my experience that it would not have led to an open marriage. We had rules in place though and swinging and sex with another person alone were out of the question.

    • CrazyHappyLoved says:

      Wow! I had never read this post before, so thanks for commenting and drawing my attention to it.

      Cindy, like you and Cal, Rez and I had three- (and a few four-) somes early in our marriage. Unlike you two, we did have what we called an open marriage, which is what led to the group sex. Unlike the "flings," the multiple-partner events were with a couple who were really our best friends. But sex without emotions doesn't usually stay such; God designed us such that it creates bonds. So sex outside our marriage nearly ended it. That was, in fact, what led me back to the Lord. (I've told the tale here on MH, so I won't go into it again.)

      That said, we both now look back on our "swinging" days (as we called it) fondly; memories of it still turn us on, though neither of us wants to pursue another relationship like that. We learned the hard way that God really does know better than we do how relationships should best be maintained. As the author of this post stated, the fantasy is much better than the reality and it's potential for harm; at least, that's how we see it.

    • SecondMarge says:

      With the right person or people, having others join in for sex can be very enjoyable. But you have to remember relationships between two people are difficult enough. The more people involved, the more complicated. You have to be a very confident and in love couple to include others in your bed. I doubt God had a thought about threesomes or swinging when he created Adam. From a physical standpoint, sex with the other person can be very rewarding and watching the others involved highly erotic. But if your love is weak and succumbs to jealousy, beware. Like many things it can improve a marriage or end it. Then again, many marriages fail without having others in your bed. And many more accept sexually unfulfilling marriages for decades. From those I have known involved with others, none continued in the lifestyle but all remembered the sex as very good and are very glad they did it. Certainly there are others who do. I’m glad my husband was not the jealous kind; in fact, just the opposite.

  4. hornyGG says:

    We have never had a threesome as we have only been with one another. I will say that it is a fantasy we enjoy while using our toys. Being watched by another couple or watching is also another fantasy of ours.
    Stay horny! ('cause I am)

    • SecondMarge says:

      Using a toy as a second cock while playing out a fantasy is hot.

      Any fantasy is acceptable. Hornier the better. Any act that the couple agrees they both want is good.

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply