Sexy wake up

Hold Me Accountable, Please!

 

My wife and I have been married for 32 wonderful years. Even though we feel we have a great marriage and a great Sexy wake uprelationship, I believe there are always things we can do to make it better. So in an effort to make improvements we went to what is called a Weekend to Remember, put on by FamilyLife Ministries. It does not matter where you are in your marriage you owe it to yourself, and your marriage, to go to one of these events. I have heard about these events for years but never seriously gave them any consideration. I can now say it was one of the best investments we have ever made. I will conclude my raving by saying that my wife and I have gone to many ministry events over the years, and this one ranks with the best.

So in an effort to put some polishing touches on our marriage I asked my wife to hold me accountable in a couple of different areas.

It is always a humbling experience to admit you have a weakness, and you want accountability. I have done this over the years with different mentors and male role models in my life, but I have never pursued the area of being accountable to my wife. (I do find myself asking the question, why? That is a different topic for a different time).

So one of the areas I asked my wife for help in, is in the area of masturbation. Let me start by saying that I don’t feel there is anything wrong with occasionally masturbating, and by no means do I often masturbate. I have been known to let off a little harmless pressure once in awhile due to the fact my sex drive is stronger than hers. So let me explain my thoughts.

My first thought is that I believe God’s desires for us is to have an open and honest relationship. You may not agree with me, but it would be my desire that my wife knows all the details of my life, no matter how personal. I would also like to know all the details of her life. It is my thought that if I know all her details I will then be able to love her and serve her more fully.

I am reminded of Ephesians 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Christ is the definition of love, and I am sure He knows all the details, good and bad of each one of us and there should be no question of His love for us.

I also would hope that, as my wife begins holding me accountable, her mind is going to be required to engage in her lovers’ sexuality more often. It would be hard for her to ask me if I have masturbated in the last couple days without her thoughts going to that place.

Then of course after she asks the question she will need to be ready for my answer. Let’s play out a couple of scenarios.

First comes her question to me, something like, “Honey, have you been good?”

Knowing what she is referencing, I will say, “Well, as you know, I did have Tuesday off. When I woke up, not only was I home alone, but I had this killer erection.”

Then she replies by asking, “So tell me, what did you do with that killer erection, and what did you think about?”

Then I will give her an answer something like this….

“You know, Baby, when I woke up my erection was aching it was so hard. I think it must have been hard half the night, or maybe it was because of my dream. I woke up thinking about our Friday night love making session and could not help but lay on my back and start stroking myself. You know what happened Friday night, after all you were the one that squirted all over our clean sheets, but let me tell you. You love it when you are laying on your back, and I place that extra firm pillow under your butt. After the pillow is in the position, it is kind of like your pussy is doing a wheelie. With your beautiful pussy up in the air like that it makes it so easy for me to get my face down there and have very easy access to my favorite meal.”

“As I continued stroking myself, I thought about how much I love to tease you. I love to kiss and lick your thighs. It’s so much fun to place my tongue about mid thigh and ever so slowly drag my tongue up your thigh until I am just inches from your pussy. You can never tell which time my tongue will continue the path to what we both desire. It was so much fun for me to hear the sound of your pleasure when that time finally came that my tongue continued the path until it fell between your pussy lips. It was then that I discovered how wet all my teasing had made you. Oh, and Baby, how I love the taste of your juices.”

“I continued to enjoy the licking and teasing of your clit until it doubled in size. You also enjoyed it when my middle finger slowly began to enter your pussy hole. As my finger slid inside and found what he was looking for, and began to stroke that special spot, I could tell you were happy because your butt started to come off the pillow.”

“You know, Honey, I love stroking that spot of yours because it does not take long before it starts to swell and get larger. I know it brings you great pleasure but, it also gives me great enjoyment too. Because you know, when that little G spot grows, it makes your hole just that much tighter.”

“I was more than ready to penetrate you with something besides my finger but I was not going to give him to you until I heard you ask for him or maybe even beg for him.”

“And then as you remember you were just about to cum when you spoke out. I think what you said was something like, I need you inside me, please. After the third time when you called me by my full name I thought it was time.”

“I then got on my knees and positioned myself between your legs. With your butt upon the pillow and your pussy still pulling a wheelie, it made my access very easy. Once I was in position, I did what I know you love. You want to tell me what I did next my dear?”

My wife didn’t need any reminders, she spoke out quite firmly, “Yes,! You teased me with the head of your cock!”

“Yes, that is correct. I wrapped my fingers around the very base of my erection and squeezed. You love it when I do this because the veins on my shaft pop out and also my cock gets hard as a rock. And let’s not forget the best part, do you want to tell me what that is, Baby.”

She did not hesitate by saying, “Oh, Baby, I love how big and pronounced your big mushroom head gets when you squeeze your base.”

I then said, ”Well you know what happens next so I probably don’t need to tell you the rest of the story do I?”

All she said was, “You better keep going.”

So I continued. “You love it when I rub my head on your clit. It’s so much fun to rub him back and forth, and even now and then to gently slap him onto your clit. And of course it drives us both crazy when I place that blood-filled head directly at your opening and do little circles. I think its fun to watch your hips come up off the pillow. I know you are just hoping that you will feel my head make its entrance. And then of course just inside your entrance you know so very well that the mushroom head will bring even additional pleasure as he comes in contact with that spot that makes you squirt. You also know that you are not going to receive your filling until you beg for me to give him to you.”

At this point in the story I asked my wife, “Baby, tell me what happens after you demand that I bury my cock into your pussy?”

Her reply was, “Sure, once you slid inside me I couldn’t take it any longer and I came all over your cock.”

To her reply I said, “Well that is your version of the story but mine is just a bit different.”

A bit confused she asks, “Well what is your version then?”

“That may be accurate as to what happen Friday night, but as for as Tuesday morning it was at that point in reliving the night that I shot this big hot load all over my chest.”

So now back to having my wife hold me accountable.

It is my hope that after being open an honest with my wife not only will she understand me better, but also after reliving our lovemaking mentally she will be stimulated physical.

Let me try another scenario.

My wife comes up to me and asks, “Honey, have you masturbated since the last time I asked you?”

And this is what she may hear.

“My Love, I have not masturbated, and if my memory is correct the last time we made love was Sunday night. Do you know how many days that is? The correct answer would be, too many. Well, that is how many days my balls have been producing, and storing a load for you. You know that this is longer than they are normally asked to store their product. Do you have any suggestion as to what I should do to release this pressure?”

There are many ways my wife can answer this question, and my guess is I will like the answer.

So let me go back to the accountability issue again. As I said, I don’t think masturbating is wrong, my wife and I both do it. Although, that being said, I also think God’s desire is for us to share our sexuality and our passion with our spouse.

I know for me that every day that goes by and my sperm is not released, my passion for my wife increases. Let’s say, for example, my wife and I make love on Monday. Thursday comes along, and I am beginning to flirt and become a bit more romantic and sexual. Of course, my wife is interested in this attention and happy to receive it. Then Thursday night comes along, and I masturbate, what just happen to the passion that was building? If you are anything like me, the fire and passion just got cooled off a bit. It isn’t gone, but it has been cooled off. Then I ask myself the question, what effect is that having on my wife? How does this affect her sex drive? If I hadn’t masturbated would my wife be receiving more of me? More of what she deserves?

So I am going to experiment with this idea of having my wife hold me accountable. It will be my effort to be as open and honest as I can be. I look forward to seeing where this will take me/us.

And then let me ask this:

What will you tell your spouse when he/she asks you if you have masturbated sense the last time I asked??

 

To a better marriage.

Mokey

 

 

 

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17 replies
  1. PassionateForChrist says:

    Mokey, I love the thorough dedication you’ve put into action in your marriage relationship with your spouse, which is so beautifully visible through what you have just shared here! I especially love how you hold being completely open and honest with your spouse, being mutually transparent with her, dear! I want to give you some praise for boldly taking the steps you have set out to take. I too believe that this is indeed significant, and I believe that such honesty and openness in the sacred relationship of marriage does come along with the priceless reward of a further deepening of the beautifully committed relationship you have with each other… The devotion you show in word and deed will bear fruit as you both gain greater understanding and deepen all the more the strong bond of love that unites you and your spouse already. I love the heart attitude that you display through all you have shared! You have a heart for God, your spouse and your marriage relationship, and I want to salute you for it. Way to go, Mokey! You’re amazing!

    • Mokey says:

      PassionateForChrist, thank you so very much for your extremely kind words. It is clear to see that the Lord has given you a gift. The Lord gives you words of affirmation for you to bless others with. May you be blessed in your faithfulness.

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Mokey, you’re more than welcome. Thank you deeply for blessing me in such a way! Your words touch my heart and are so much appreciated.

      In light of what I’ve read, I do want to reassure you that from what I can sense your heart to beat for and from what I see it express here, I believe you are well on course… your relationship is on the right track. Don’t get confused by whatever is out there… God looks at your heart and He knows your every motive and hope. And from what I can already see, your motive is pure. You do not just hope to spark passion in your wife through this new dimension (a hope that is legitimate in itself, I believe), you much more so do seek to understand your wife in a deeper way and to love her in new, even greater ways than you already have thus far. You strive to grow in the love you can give to her and you go the miles to reach this more together with her. That’s letting the guards down. That’s selfless love. That’s the essence of marriage. You understand Christ to be the definition of love, you see Him as being the standard to follow, and that shows me that you’re striving after the real kind of love – Christ’s kind of love. Be encouraged! Keep walking with your wife this way – in such togetherness, such vulnerability, such understanding! Keep showering her with all that only you can know makes her feel loved – speak this secret soul love language that a husband and wife get to share with each other and get to discover evermore so deeply throughout their marital journey. Most importantly, just as you do already so beautifully, keep Christ as your focus and role model for love. He is the greatest Shepherd there is, especially when it comes to Love (in all its depth, width, length, meaning, being…). He will guide you both into the abundance He has in store just for you. He will show you the steps you seek, He will make the way according to His perfect will for you and He will bless you, for He delights in you and your spouse. I believe it! And I’m excited for you and your spouse to receive this blessing of abundance in Him in incredible new and fresh ways that will just totally amaze you. Much love to the both of you! God bless you, your spouse and your marriage relationship!! May you not just be headed to a better marriage but to a more than enough, flourishing marriage, lush with juicy fruit growing straight out of the soil it’s forever securely anchored in, the precious Vine that Christ is!

    • Mokey says:

      PassionateForChrist, how do I say thank you. What beautiful words. I see that not only are you blessed with words of affirmation but you are also prophetic. It is my desire to claim the words you have spoken over my wife and myself. I believe that the Lords sees that you are faithful with the little and He will be giving you the more. You have been obedient with what He has given you He will now give you more. Bless you.

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Mokey, I most gladly receive this in Jesus’ Name! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I love being an encourager, so to see you being blessed through the words He graciously enables me to share is more than enough thanks to me. He blesses me so much by letting me be a blessing to you. God is most amazing! He never ceases to leave me in awe through all of it. Much love always!

  2. hornyGG says:

    Mokey,

    Great post! My husband Ben and I both enjoy masturbating. We do it when we are separated ( he often works out of town) and we enjoy doing it together. It turns us both on to watch each other play.

    We both have really high sex drives ( mine a little higher) and feel that masturbation only fuels that desire to make love. It takes nothing away from our hunger for one another.

    You say both you and your wife masturbate. From what I understand and forgive me if I misunderstood. But it sounds as if masturbation is kept private between the two of you. Have you two ever masturbated together? It could open up a whole new level of excitement for the both of you.
    Just curious.

    Well, thanks for posting. God bless and stay horny.

    • Mokey says:

      Hi hornyGG, yes we have masturbated together and you are correct, it is wonderful. Although we normally only use it as a form of forplay. As we watch each other it only increases the desire to bring our bodies together.
      And yes I have masturbated in private and I don’t think that is fair to myself but more importantly it’s not fair to my wife. You see she may not have the same sex drive that I have but that does not mean she does not want to care for me. I have done it in private at times because I didn’t want to bother her. Thinking I was a bother was a lie the enemy had put in my head. My wife’s desire is to care for me and she can’t if I am not open.
      We have only been on this journey for a couple of months, and it has been beyond amazing.

  3. jezuz11 says:

    I think it’s very noble of you to want more openness and honesty. Good communication is a key ingredient to a good marriage. I do have a small constructive critique. What you have described is not an excersize in accountability. It is about openness, vulnerability, and in a way – foreplay. Those are all good things. But asking your wife to hold you “accountable” for this would be compared to an Accountant holding an employee fiscally accountable for a business trip – and the employee described the fun, excess, parties that happened — AND the employee expecting the Accountant to leap for joy around the room. THAT is not really accountability. In short, you are just wanting to be more vulnerable… and you HOPE that more vulnerability will turn your wife on physically and add fuel to your sexual fire. Vulnerability is a good thing, but if you have an expected result in YOUR favor, it’s not vulnerability… it’s not accountability… It’s manipulation. And anyone will tell you that manipulation is NOT a healthy marriage ingredient. Sorry to get all psychological, but just thought even choosing correct terminology will make it a better experience for you. And I hope this exercise in openness brings you two closer!

  4. Mokey says:

    Thanks for your comment jezuz but I really think you are trying to over analyze my intentions. If it was my desire to manipulate my wife there would be no point in asking for accountability. Where is the love if I need to manipulate her into having sex. If I am manipulating her we are no longer making love and I just as well go masturbate in secret.
    I think accountable can be a beautiful thing, and you are correct using the word “vulnerable”, because that is what it is. Not always a fun thing but in my experience, always a way to grow and mature.
    If the employee asked his boss, the accountant, to hold him accountable and the employee came to him with his shortcomings then his boss has the opportunity to help him if he is willing. Chances are he is willing because he asked for help. If the boss is able to help the employee then I think there is cause to jump for joy.

  5. jezuz11 says:

    Thanks Mokey. Let me be extra clear about something… I am taking exception to your choice of terminology, not you “intentions.” In fact I am very clear to give you the benefit of the doubt. I am making a point that anyone (you, me, others) that uses vulnerability as a tool to gain a result in the favor of that person – it is by definition, manipulation. In other words, if a Christian singer confesses from the stage how they struggle with a particular sin, that is a very vulnerable moment. However if they share that not out of genuine brokenness but out of a desire to get more people to buy their CD, then it wasn’t vulnerability after all – he manipulated the crowd to respond favorably toward him under the guise of accountability.

    I stand by what I say – accountability is something different than what you described in your post. Just like in your comment above, using my Accountant analogy – you talk about the employee confessing his/her shortcomings, I’m assuming with a spirit of brokenness (and maybe a bit of fear and trembling). The rejoicing comes after the employer helps them thru the situation and restoration is found. But for someone to approach a time of confession and admitting shortcomings with an expectation that you were going to “turn on” or excite the other party (emotionally or physically), it means that it isn’t a confession made out of brokenness, but rather out of a desire to gain a favorable response (like the Christian singer).

    Again… I am NOT saying that YOU have poor intentions or haven’t been manipulating anyone. I am just saying… *please* don’t call what you described accountability – just out of respect for others who are going through real seasons of accountability (which involves brokenness). Thanks! I do hope you continue to grow in openness in your marriage!

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Dear jezuz11, I sense that this matter is a more personal one to you, so I understand your fervency but, if you allow me, I’d like to say just a little word of caution for the sake of harmony and mutual understanding among us all. Please don’t misunderstand me on this…

      By the words you spoke, the way you spoke them, I believe you are judging Mokey unfairly… It is unjust to impute a false sense of accountability to Mokey on the mere basis of the texts he shared here with us. None of us is a 24/7 witness in his marriage relationship nor can anyone of us see to the very depths of his heart, so it is majorly unfair to say “others who are going through real seasons of accountability (which involves brokenness)” – implying on the mere basis of a short blog post and some comments that he must not fall into the accountability category but into the manipulation category. That’s a judgment none of us should pass (no matter whether we agree in opinion with Mokey or not). We are in no position to put him in a box or to judge his terminology in this case.

      You believe that his terminology is false on account of the one hope he expressed a couple of times throughout the post. But you have zoomed in too closely on the couple of references Mokey made in the post towards his hope to spark passion in his wife. The real purpose of his post was another. The purpose was to share an account of how a husband, Mokey, out of deep love for his wife, takes the step towards greater personal openness and vulnerability by furthering his accountability to his wife in his marriage relationship in many areas (not just masturbation habits), and I am certain that to Mokey these areas involve a personal brokenness on the inside. I can clearly see hints of this brokenness throughout this post in the way he expressed himself. The words he used may not convey it this clearly to you but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a brokenness involved, which moved him towards all that he works through together with his wife.

      If we’re honest… who among the men doesn’t hope to or think about sparking passion in his wife at just about any time? Isn’t that simply a divinely-wired part of manly (husbandly) thinking? Anyways, it’s certainly not the defining reason for Mokey’s motion towards openness, vulnerability and personal accountability.

      Love and Blessings to all!

    • Mokey says:

      PassionateForChrist, as i have told you before, you are a very wise woman.
      Thank you so much for your kind words. As I know you can sense there are many more layers to this post. Even in this controversial subject of accountability there are many more layers. One of the many layers is that this quest of accountability is all about me, that would be incorrect. This is not the place nor is it necessary for me to have a debate. I had fun writing this post and in many ways it was for my wife benefit more than anything. I very much enjoyed the day it was posted and she read this story. My wife is the best and it is such a great blessing that after 33 years we are still falling in love.
      It is important to have grace, as there is always more to the story.
      Blessings

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Dear Mokey, I love how insightful you yourself are. Thank you for pardoning me for having stepped in a bit though I wasn’t addressed directly… his words ached my heart as I read them and I just wished to move it to a more positive, hopefully mutual, understanding… letting love be the take-away. Thank you for the grace you give!

      I love how you rejoice over your wife and over this most beautiful marriage relationship you have together! To me, you and your wife are a sweet example of what marriage bliss is about.

      May God bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you and let His love for you be personally tangible in even greater ways than ever before!

      Ps.: I’ve read through what I had written anew and I hope you didn’t misunderstand me speaking of brokenness… I see brokenness to be something fully positive and good. I myself have walked with God through a good share of brokenness (still continuing in one or the other area)… and I just wish to say brokenness is a good thing and a divine tool in the loving hands of the Potter. Brokenness is the most fertile ground for God to do through His Grace the impossible, the unbelievable, the unimaginable in us. God knows how to break us in exactly the right places to birth out of us what we never thought, never knew we had in us – propelling us to become even greater lights for His Glory. So, here is just to clarify that I do believe you to be on the wonderful springboard to your greatest glory season yet – as a believer, in your already beautiful marriage relationship, in every area of your life.

    • Mokey says:

      PassionateForChrist, you may step in and share your wisdom anytime you would like. It is very clear that your understanding comes from the Lord and i enjoy reading, and receiving, where ever you make posts.
      As for your brokenness comment….You are very kind but it did not concern me a bit. I have learned, as you have mentioned, to embrace my brokenness. It is so very true that when we acknowledge our brokenness before the Lord, we are then able to see the greatest breakthrough. Also the ability for my bride and myself to share our brokenness together is a huge piece of our successful marriage.
      One more thing, your last comment, I will claim those words for our life.
      Bless you my dear friend,

  6. Gordon Harter says:

    “…my wife and I have gone to many ministry events over the years, and this one (FamilyLife.com’s Weekend to Remember – ed.) ranks with the best.”

    I whole-heartedly concur. My wife and I have been married 30 yrs, and of the 2-3 dozen marriage workshops / weekends, this was not not only the best, but should have been the first. It lays a strongly biblical foundation for each part of the relationship, and what the teach. All of the other events, would have been so much better, having starting from this place.

    I can’t recommend it strongly enough. Whether you are just engaged, or married 30 yrs, whether you have a struggling marriage, or one you can’t imagine getting better, you will come out with a stronger relationship.

    (And, no, I don’t have any affiliation with FamilyLife)

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