Marriage Heat Balance

I can say with confidence that most of us who come to Marriage Heat for encouragement – love sex! I know I Screen Shot 2015-02-27 at 6.57.19 PMdo!! It is certainly one of the joys in my life. Prior to getting married, I knew I would enjoy the sexual relationship with my wife-to-be. In almost 30 years of marriage, I have not been disappointed. In fact, I would say that I even underestimated just how much I would enjoy it – and how important it is in our marriage and lives.

Like many of you, I think about sex a lot! It is enjoyable to think about it. In fact, it is amazing how much we think about so many of the details. We think about our day and our time that is coming with our spouse. We look forward to the culmination of our intimacy. We flirt and tease during the day in various ways – as the thoughts of sex take us space in our minds during the day. Then, like a laser – we focus during the sex on what is going on. We seem to be aware of every nerve ending in places we didn’t think about before. The magic touch of our spouse creates feelings and sensations we thought could only be known in our dreams.

And the incredible rush of orgasm(s) is a magnificent cherry on the cake. Sex is on our minds because it is an amazing gift from our gracious God. He didn’t have to make us like this – but He chose to. I praise Him for His goodness. He could have caused procreation to take place through some boring, unpleasant task. He didn’t! So, it is not a surprise that we think so much about sex.

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I want to do something kind of unique in this article. I want to make a case to people who love sex according to God’s ways (like us) – that life is a lot more than sex. Please don’t quit reading here! This article might not get your pussy wet or your cock hard – but I hope it touches you profoundly.

Like you, I so appreciate the unique forum of Marriage Heat. I adore Blondie and all who work with her to provide this wonderful site. It is a blessing from the Lord. I also know that it is not only Christians who read here – but it is a site distinctly aimed at looking at sex from a biblical, Christian perspective. I want the brief thoughts that I’m about to share to be of encouragement to you. That is my sincere prayer!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says,

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;    a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

 

This list is representative enough to encourage us to “fill in the blank for what there is time for”. The point is: There is a time for everything in the doing of God’s priorities for our lives. The list includes things we look forward to, and things we dread. Both ends of the spectrum are listed. God has many things for His people to do and experience in this life. There is a time to laugh, and there is time to mourn. Life isn’t all about laughing all the time. Life isn’t all about mourning all the time. Notice there is time for embracing, and time to refrain from embracing.

 

My fellow sex lovers – this is applicable to us, too. There is a time for focusing on sex, and a time when it is not the right time to focus on sex. God has made us to be multi-taskers in this life. He has called us to accomplish many things. Sex is important to us – but it is not the only thing. Most of things God has for us to do require our time and attention. In order to love God and our neighbor, we can’t only be about one thing.

 

I say all of this because what we don’t do (by design!!) on Marriage Heat is go into great detail about how we spend the rest of our days. To some, it might seem that we are only about sex all the time. To some, it might give an impression that the people on Marriage Heat are sex-crazed Christians, and all they do every day is have sex, suck, masturbate, and sext their spouses. Of course, Marriage Heat does not focus on what we do with the rest of our days and lives – again by design. And that is fine.

 

In order to state some of the obvious things about who we are – I want to offer a little public service announcement on behalf of the Marriage Heat family. I believe it is representative of the hearts many of the people who regularly contribute to this wonderful site (or at least I hope it is in growing degrees). I hope you would be proud to admit that these brief points below are what you believe and desire:

 

1) We desire to represent our Lord and Savior well – in ALL of life. God has saved us from our sins by sending His Son to die in our place – and suffering the punishment due to our sins. We have received the gift of forgiveness and eternal life by trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ.

 

2) We believe the Christian life is explained in the Bible. We can’t know what it means to be Christian in any way apart from knowing what the Bible teaches. We gladly confess our allegiance to the authority of God’s Word. We believe what the Bible teaches about sex and strive to yield to its teaching.

 

3) We unapologetically admit that we love our spouses and the sexual experiences that is part of a godly marriage! God has made this to be an important part of our lives together (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). We recognize that the sexual aspect of our marriage does not exhaust all that our marriage is built on – but has been made to be important.

 

4) We desire to share our experiences on Marriage Heat in a spirit of wanting to stimulate other marriages with “sexual recipes” that have encouraged and blessed our own – in order to promote godly, passionate, and loving marriages. The stronger our marriage bonds are, the better our marriages will be.

 

5) We are committed to living for Christ in ALL areas of life: In the nurturing of our families at home, in our local church families, in our neighborhoods, in business and career interactions, in our continuing Christian education, in our recreation, in our regular daily duties, and in our sex lives. We believe that we are called to be multi-taskers – and recognize that to live for God’s glory – we will have to invest our time and energy in various aspects of life.

 

6) We believe God when He tells us that for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). This biblical belief leads us to not make sex an idol in our lives. Sex has a part in our lives – Oh, a blessed part!! – but it is not what defines our existence. With sadness, we notice that the unbelieving world tends to make an idol out of so many things (celebrities, sports, money, sex). That is the natural thing for those who do not know God. Yet, God has called us to keep ourselves from idols (1 John 5:21). So, we desire to yield to God in his in order to keep things in balance – including sex.

 

7) We do not want to encourage others to make sex an idol in their lives. We do not want to give our other Marriage Heat family the impression that sex is an idol in our lives. We gladly and joyfully confirm that we have a healthy love for sex – and practice it with thankfulness and erotic ferociousness with our spouses. It is part of our way of life under God’s authority. Yet, in love for others, we do not want to promote sex as an idol.

 

8) We recognize that it is not easy to communicate this biblical balance in every story on Marriage Heat. Thus, is takes wisdom in reading stories. For example, some stories describe sexual “mountaintop” experiences. These can – if read in isolation – seem to picture a perfect sexual life, with little or no problems. Yet, the balance of the stories on Marriage Heat also reveal weaknesses, insecurities, and even failures. Real life!

 

9) We believe that sex is a wonderful gift from God – but of course, it is not greater than knowing God Himself.

 

10) We believe that living the balanced Christian life includes: A time to read the Bible, a time to go to work, a time to eat, a time to pray, a time to gather with the local church, a time to mow your lawn, a time to do the laundry, a time to shop, a time to travel, a time to enjoy God’s creation, a time to exercise, a time to study, a time to write an encouraging note, a time to ponder, a time to clean your house, a time to enjoy laughing with your family, a time to go to a funeral, a time to read to your kids, a time to serve your neighbor, a time to go to war, a time to cry, a time to write a story on Marriage Heat, a time to get a haircut, a time to go to Bible study, a time to go out to eat, and a time to have erotic sex with your spouse.

 

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I want to peel back the curtain for a moment and say that these thoughts have been on my heart for a while. There is no hidden message here. No rebuke. I receive so much encouragement from all of you! I am so thankful that you take the time to write what you all write. I love this community. I appreciate the safety that comes with the wisdom and oversight that God has afforded Blondie and others. We are all so wonderfully different in some ways – and so alike in many more ways. I want you to know that I don’t use the phrase Marriage Heat family glibly. I think of so many of you as friends.

 

I would never want my stories to be a stumbling block to any of you. I do not want to portray my life with my beautiful wife in an unrealistic way. I think our marriage is really good – but of course, we have many of the same struggles that are common to us all.

 

My heart is for us all to know that God has woven this balance into our lives in wonderful ways. He keeps us busy growing in His Word – and serving in many ways. It keeps us humble and our eyes on Him – and not overly focused on sex. This is where I would not want my stories to lead anyone astray. Sex has its time and place in my marriage – and believe me – it permeates so much! I rejoice in this. Yet, I think it is good for all of us (Marriage Heat family) to know that we don’t sit at home each day doing nothing except having sex. God has called us to a much higher calling than just that. He has given sex its rightful place – and it more than suffices for our needs! May we continue to strive for God’s glory in serving Him in ALL the ways we do.

 

Marriage Heat is getting better and better. I love it. Let’s keep growing in our faith and in our marriage relationships – and as we do – a byproduct will be our stories on Marriage Heat will continue to get better and better.

 

God bless you my friends and Marriage Heat family. Lovinghusband.

 

If your heart beats for God in wanting to live with this kind of balance, please write a comment about it.

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28 replies
  1. PassionateForChrist says:

    Dear LH, this is pure beautiful! It indeed has the power to touch profoundly whoever will approach it with open eyes and a receptive heart. It has just touched me.

    Thank you so much for having written this post about living a balanced life, which is such an important truth – so close to the very heart of God, I certainly believe!

    A balanced life, fully committed to God in every area, living for Him with my future spouse, wholly devoted, is exactly what I’m striving after, praying for and dreaming about.

    Yes, I’m looking forward to sharing blessed, hot intimacy with my future hubby throughout our marriage, just like the Bible encourages us to have it, and I rejoice about the fact, as is shown in the Song of Solomon, that God will personally be there and bless each and every single time we will celebrate becoming one in our marriage. (How amazing is that!! God is so good!!)

    But even more so and with just as much passion at heart, I am eagerly looking forward to build a life for God’s Glory with my future spouse. I can’t wait to study the Bible with my precious godly man, to grow together in the Truth – not only knowing it but living it from the heart – following in Christ’s footsteps on this journey (not as a finished product through salvation but as a beautiful work of art in progress under the loving, faithful touch of our amazing, gracious Heavenly Father – for we are all God’s masterpieces). I’m eagerly looking forward to pray with my hubby and over him (and over our kids, when we will have some). I’m eagerly looking forward to passionately worship God together with my hubby in church. I’m personally looking forward to being lovingly involved in my church community, serving Christ and volunteering, where need be. I’m personally looking forward to being led by my precious future husband and I’m looking forward to being his greatest supporter, his ever-present safe shore, his never-running-out river of love and encouragement.

    I wouldn’t want anything else to be the source, the essence, the everything of my life but God Himself – who He is. He gives true life, He shields us, He protects us, He tethers us together, He causes us to be helpful to each other, carrying each other, sharpening one another. He causes us to keep growing, which is precious! He gives us purpose and the power to love (A Love after His own heart, a matchless Love that goes deeper and goes the distance – This alone is priceless!).

    We bear Christ’s Name and are in our very being blessed to represent Christ wherever we are – at all times, in everything we do. Wherever we go, God is there with us (inseparably!). God has made His home in every believer’s heart because of how Jesus has embraced us through His sacrifice on the Cross, through this ultimate, matchless sacrificial act of His selfless, powerful Love for each and everyone of us. Everywhere we are, we represent God – when we are stuck in traffic (and handle that appropriately), when we go to the grocery store (and handle ourselves appropriately), when we are at work (and don’t indulge, as some may, in fruitless, worldly chatter or intrigue),… It is important to remember that there is no separation of the sacred and the secular with God – Wherever God is, there is the sacred. And He is in everything. When you are a Christian, doing the laundry becomes a sacred task. And so on and so forth. That’s why the Bible says: Whatever we do, we should do it with all of our hearts, as for the Lord. I’m looking forward to representing Him as best I can with my hubby through being kind, showing love, getting back up when I fall down, lending a hand when I’m able to do so, extending forgiveness as well as forgiving myself when I miss the mark… pressing on forward and growing on this journey through His Mercy and Grace, always remembering that we are all learners.

    Dear LH, thank you for this most precious post of yours! I love the way you capture what’s important to God’s heart! The depth and wisdom you bring to this community is absolutely wonderful. Way to go!! Fully backing you up. May God mightily bless you and yours!

    May He also bless the Marriage Heat family, who (as I’m by now already blessed to know from personal experience) is uniquely making a difference in the lives of many for the Glory of God, for God is right here in our midst, causing this to be a blessing field, as we care for one another, as we encourage one another in His Name and as we let His light shine through the precious vessels He blesses each of us to be for Him!

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Dear Passionate

      Your thoughtful and true comments absolutely blew me away.

      You are such a blessing to Marriage Heat!

      God has blessed you with wisdom and perspective beyond your years – and I don’t even know how old you are

      Thank you for your encouragement

      I will be looking forward to reading more of your stories and thoughtful comments.

      God bless you friend

      LH

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Dearest LH, thank you for showering me with such honor and love! This means a lot to me, especially since your very own perspective on spiritual matters is one I truly admire for its depth in substance and its insight.

      I am so humbled by the blessing God allows me to be here for you all (and at the same time He makes you be such a major blessing to me as well). It jaw-dropping amazes me every time and leaves me in total awe of Him to experience how gracious and loving and kind He is to put these words in my heart to speak and to fill them with some tangible love and devotion. His goodness in all of this is indescribable, to me. Without Him, there is definitely nothing I could do or be. Blessed and humbled to be chosen as His vessel in this way. All glory and praise be His, always!

      God bless you too, my friend!!

      Ps.: I’m freshly 30 yrs old.

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      😉 Well, what can I say, other than that my sweet, precious dear Lord God has purposed it to be this way.

      Yahweh, I thank You for the life You give me, for Your perfect will and timing, for the constant flow of Your matchless Grace and Love! Thank You for who I am in You thanks to the Cross! Thank You for everything that You do – from all those things that I don’t even see You do, for You do them powerfully in the Spirit realm, to all those things that are to me nothing else but sheer miracles that I get to witness! Big move or small, I thank You for them all! May we all continue to live amazed at Your every touch in our personal lives as well as in the lives of those around us! May we keep looking at the world through the hearts of Love that You are seeking to build in us! May we never lose out of sight the ability to perceive Your precious, faithful work in every single moment of our being with eyes of joyful wonder! God bless all these sweet, kind and gentle people of the MH community, for they love You from their very hearts! Thank You for steadily leading, guiding, making and molding us all on this journey of faith that we are each blessed to have with You, in You and for You! Dearest Yahweh, I love You. More than my words could ever say, You are faithful and good and loving and kind and just and sovereign and patient and compassionate and almighty and Your very own heart beats unceasingly for us! Forever in Your Love, chosen to be Yours, we are! Thank You for continuously taking my breath away! In the precious Name of our dear Savior Yeshua (Jesus), Amen!

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Awesome Passionate! You are just a kid!! 🙂

      I am so heartened by your God-centered heart. You are not some soul floating out there who has no clue who she is or what her purpose is in life. God has stamped your conscience so evidently with the reality that you are His child – bought with the blood of Christ. Your life is no longer your own, you’ve been bought (Galatians 2:20). Yes! Your words testify that you are trusting in the God who saved you from sin and death. This same God will keep filling you with all you need. All things come right on time (Ephesians 1:11).

      Keep basking in His goodness. I am praying for His guiding and leading in regards to a future husband.

      I, too, am humbled by the same blessing! Have a great time of worship with your church family today!

      LH

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Dearest LH, you couldn’t have given me a greater blessing than through what you’ve just spoken into my heart – words of precious faith and encouragement and priceless love!

      I so appreciate your prayer! Thank you for freely joining in agreement with me about this matter, which is so close to my very heart!!

      May you and yours have a most wonderful time of worship in church as well!! Soak in deeply on God’s Presence, dear friend! Bless you!! Much love! 🙂

  2. Oldersingle says:

    To LH: Very well said…I can’t add anything much beyond Passionate’s comment (though from the male side)

    To Passionate: As usual, your comments are godly, beautiful, and intense – how are you? I have been busy and ill, so not on here much lately, but will catch up with you and all my other friends on here later tonight! Bless you all!

    • PassionateForChrist says:

      Hey, dear Oldersingle, thank you much for your kind words! I’ve missed you – I did assume though that you were a bit busy. Sorry that you caught a cold or so… Beaming some virtual hot chicken soup over to where you are at. Anything else you’d need, just let me know. 😉 Get well soon! Looking forward to reading your scheduled story in the morning! Blessings back at you!

  3. Happy Husband says:

    I totally agree with this. My life is definitely not all about sex. In fact, sex is only a very small part of my life and my wife’s life. With that said, our sex life is a blessing from God and is a glorious, joyous, and very pleasurable part of our life that I have come to celebrate on this web site, and I very much enjoy seeing how others experience their marital love and desires in a way that brings them pleasure and further glorifies God’s plan for married couples. However, I very much agree that we all must be careful not to make sex, even blessed married sex, and Idol that we place before our relationship with the Lord.

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Dear Happy Husband and T. Marie,

      In a world that so into debate and controversy as a form of entertainment – it is refreshing to read comments from people who are unified by the same biblical principles – and as a byproduct, love and enjoy the pleasures that God has gifted us with in the sexual heat found in our marriages (rather awkward sentence, but I think you follow me). 🙂

      Happy Husband – I really appreciate your statement. I join with you in the same spirit of celebration.

      T. Marie – I am so glad that you have been grown by God to see sex in the right context – none of us have arrived! This journey to be free is found only in Christ-centered thinking and living – He is the source of our equilibrium and balance. When our eyes are on Him (fixed) – the Word and Spirit keep us from falling into ruin. Yes, we can and do scrape our knees now and then – but God’s leading makes us free. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32). Marriage sex is not disgusting – and I know that reality makes your heart sing – as it does mine. God bless you!

  4. T. Marie says:

    I agree too with what you posted. I am also very grateful to Marriage Heat, for to be able to read openly about healthy vibrant sexual relationships, those who willingly share how they express their love for each other. I need this site as one who grew up in a home where sex was thought of as disgusting or to not be talked about. I get to read healthy loving stories of Christians and their sexuality and I am in a journey to be free like this in my own life and marriage

    • Lovinghusband says:

      T. Marie – you are on an exciting journey! Your comment really encourages me. God has blessed us with so much. May He continue to grant you with wisdom and grace in your growing sexual freedom. LH

  5. Emmy Sue says:

    Thanks, LH, I needed this right now. I’ve always struggled with balance in my life, and I pray everyday that my Father above will help me to find it, and every day I get a fresh start to do that, and I’m so thankful. I don’t think life balance is easy for anyone, but I do think it comes more naturally to some people than others. For me, intimacy with my sweet husband suffers the more imbalanced I allow my life to be, and I’m slowly understanding that it doesn’t have to. It is a learning process, and I’ve realized that is one of the reasons Kelly is my soulmate, because God knew that I needed this patient strong man to overcome these obstacles. That realization makes me desire my husband even more, and it is a daily reminder to me of God’s love for us and that I need to listen to that still small voice more often, because that’s what brought Kelly to me. God bless your words of wisdom and your perspective that sex is only one part of the daily grind of our lives, but it is a blessing that provides moments of loving release, relief, and unity with the person we cherish most. Thank you for your writing!

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Emmy Sue

      My heart goes out to you in what you wrote. We all need that balance by God’s grace don’t we. I’m so glad you have an understanding husband too. Your words touched my heart. God bless you and your family
      LH

  6. Upcomingauthor says:

    Loved this, LH!
    When I get the chance I tell people about MH all the time but they don’t always get what why, especially because I’m not only Christian but I’m a preacher. This world is so messed up in it’s sexual thoughts that they have separated the idea that Christians do have sex and their sex life isn’t just “Here honey, let me stick it here.” “Are you done yet?”

    I also love that you mention your stories not being a stumbling block. I have another friend I met on Twitter that runs his own site (Marriedfire.com) Where he either writes stories that are not detailed or has it set up so you can have your own personalized stories made for you detailing you and your spouse from a questionnaire you fill out–and he asks me all the time about some of temptations that could fall from me myself reading or others reading mine, and other questions. We talk about MH all the time and what it could and couldn’t do for people.

    I’ve always said it’s a heart condition, and I’ve mentioned before when some stories do become stumbling blocks, I step away and pray about it and spend time focusing on my wife. I believe it was you who quoted Paul in an earlier post that everything is okay but not everything is beneficial, and when it’s no longer beneficial to my relationship with my wife, when my flesh does try to please myself and only myself I fall back for a bit and examine why. Like I said, I had issues with Pornography growing up, and being a writer my imagination is powerful. So when I no longer picture my wife and I, I know I’m starting to stumble.

    But I love this site, and it’s been such a huge blessing to me in helping me lead away from porn and also a healthy way for me to share my sex life so others can see what a blessing God gave us. Honestly, until I stumbled upon this site by literally typing in “Erotica for Married people” during one of my weaker moments looking for something sexual to satisfy my cravings, I had never looked at Songs of Solomon, didn’t even know why it was there. I honestly thought it was like Psalms. That Solomon had decided to copy his Father or something like that.

    All I can do is pray and write, and of course make love to my beautiful wife. But I’m on a mission to help younger Christians realize there is nothing wrong with being sexual, but that God does have a way to do it so they can miss the mess a lot of the world has. I’m going to be posting my articles I wrote for a local church paper that helps with that and shares more of my testimony.

    Anyways, all that to say that I will use this article along with telling people read the about on the website so they can understand more of what God offers with his perfect ideal for our sex lives. Thank you! 🙂

    • Lovinghusband says:

      All I can say is keep preaching brother. I’m so happy to know that you are pointing others to Christ. I need to leave for church or I would write more about your excellent thoughts here

      God bless you brother! LH

    • Lovinghusband says:

      God bless you and your mission Upcoming! I love what you wrote. Stay strong in the Word! LH

  7. Silver says:

    Loved this post, LH! I am here to enrich my marriage and gain insight and ideas. You’re one of those people I look to for encouragement here. Thank you for writing this. God bless!

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Silver

      I finally saw your comment above. I am so glad I was able to be of encouragement to you. I want you to know that your stories, comments and advice have encouraged me too!
      God bless you my friend. LH

  8. hornyGG says:

    I agree with all the above my dear friend LH. Awesome job! Your words fill our hearts with joy and hope. You have added another star to your crown as the minister of faith here on MH. Thank you so much my dear brother in Christ. Love ya, God bless you and yours and may the Lord keep you well. Stay horny my dear sir!

    • Lovinghusband says:

      Thank you Gina – you are so nice! I so appreciate you and Ben’s contributions on MH. You have helped to spark much heat! Keep strong in the grace and love of the Lord! Your MH brother, LH

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