Communication in Marriage is Key
I certainly can’t claim to be a marriage expert by any stretch, but in my 7 yrs of marriage I certainly can say that communication in marriage has always been what has helped my relationship with my wife. I can give you several examples, but the one that sticks out to me is how I was frustrated because, I felt my wife was letting her body issues get in the way and instead of communicating like we always did I instead made my mind up that she just was making excuses. Unfortunately this went for a bit, I would think, “Tonight we are going to have sex” and then she would say, “I’m too tired.”
This drove me insane, but instead of sitting my wife down and telling her how I felt,I just grew resentful and started letting my mind wander as to why I wasn’t good enough to make love to. So finally one day I couldn’t take it anymore and I just sat my wife down and said, “Honey, we have to talk” and I told her how I felt.
She said, “I never met to make you feel like I didn’t want you” and she explained that she just felt fat and unattractive and that she felt it was a bit superficial, but couldn’t help how she felt.
Well, after that I felt horrible because all this time I’m feeling sorry for myself and honestly being selfish, but she said, “stop, you have the right to feel this way because we stopped talking and let this get out of hand.”
We had dated for awhile before we got married and we had never talked this open and honestly until that conversation.
Afterwards, I felt as if this giant load was coming off my shoulders, of course the first step was my wife making lifestyle changes and working on her self image issues, next was me encouraging her as she reached milestones in her personal journey.
I hope this story helps anyone who maybe experiencing anything similar to remember communication is so important.
Comunication is # 1 in marriage
Thanks for the reminder, Hopeful Hubby! So well-timed! I love when God does that!
I second what Michael & Lisa said. We should always talk with our spouses no matter how hard the topic might be. Like when we lost our daughter, we always told each other honestly how we felt so that we wouldn’t quarrel during this awful period and add more pain. And from what I read in your post talking openly and honestly can sometimes do wonders, can’t it? Bless 🙂
Loved this!
This can be painfully hard – but once the doors get opened – the oneness we were designed for manifests itself. This is sometimes easier at times – but we are well-served and most Christ-like when we engage in the work and discipline of being open with our spouse! I speak as a non-master who is currently involved in growing in this area. I have found the magic tonic to be humility and loving curiosity. Back to school now….LH
Many years ago, after telling my wife she looked beautiful, she was honest enough to tell me how important it is that she hears that. So without fail, I tell my wife and 2 daughters just how beautiful they are inside and out. I tell my girls that their inner beauty shines right through in their smile and they light up the room when they walk in. I tell my wife how her presence just brings such comfort to me and how she is the most amazing looking woman in the room when we go out. This all spoken with sincerity and truth and I cannot tell you how it keeps the marriage heat alive and sets the bar for my daughter’s when they date.
This is not just a story of communication, but also of selfless compassion & generosity in response! So often communication is muted because spouses let the resentment take control of their response. I am reminded of Emerson Eggerichs’s (author of Love & Respect) exhortation to ‘decode’ as he calls it – to try to understand where your spouse is coming from.
Beautiful! Loving this post and all of the comments! God bless you all!
Amen! I would also add that you will have to have many talks like this over the years. My wife and I have been married 12 years and I’ve lost count how many talks like this we’ve had. In fact we had a talk like this about 2 weeks ago. So it’s a continual process not a one time event.
My wife and I talk to each other all the time and I have found that if your truly open with each other,you become so very close and you know each other,being a good talker is easy,but the real skill is being a good listener……good communication is a extremely important skill to make a marriage survived and grow,a good marriage never stops growing