Recommended Reading for Engaged Couple
Hi everyone,
This is my first post on this page. My fiancee and I are getting married in a couple months so we were recommended various books to read. One of them related to sex was “The Act of Marriage”. Although I’ve read a lot of good reviews, I’ve also read some that made the book seem old-fashioned and out-dated. Does anyone have personal opinions on this book or other recommendations? Thanks for your input!
Sheet Music by Kevin Leman comes to mind, excellent for engaged and married alike. My wife and I have read through the book 3 times now.
This is a good question, and I’ve been watching to see if anyone has any good answers. I have been looking for books to recommend and in general have come up short. There are two books my husband and I do love, but neither of them is in print anymore….though, you can get them on kindle. They are…
Is that all he thinks about? By Marla Taviano
And….
What wives wish their husbands knew about sex, by Rupp, Howes, and Simpson
There are also a couple books by Shaunti Feldhahn called For Men Only and For Women Only. These books aren’t specifically about sex, but they do cover various topics that relate to sexuality among other things. They are generally just good, research based books that are easy reading that will help you understand the opposite gender.
If you are feeling brave and you are comfortable reading books that aren’t specifically Christian, you might check out Ian Kerner’s books, She Comes First and Passionista. Kerner does not write as a Christian, but these two books generally support the idea of porn free, monogamous, long term relationships….Though he will occasionally tell stories of clients or friends whose experiences don’t line up with that ideal.
Eva, would you consider writing a post sometime listing all your favorite and recommended books? And include a short summary and/or why you recommend it. I’d love to read some of the books you’ve read that have helped you.
HH- Funny you ask this. I've had a recommended reading post sitting here for almost a year…I've just never actually posted it. Mostly, I think, because some of the books/blogs/TEDtalks that have influenced me the most were decidedly not Christian…or they are Christian but they go against the values on this site to some extent. And that is a tricky thing to recommend media like that in good conscience. The problem is that I just can't find anyone else out there anywhere who is willing to say the things that I want to hear said about sexuality… The book LH and I are talking about below…Sex and the Spirit, is probably the Christian book that pushed things the furthest along the lines that I think they need to be pushed from a Christian perspective. There's also a mainstream parenting book out called "Everything you never wanted your kid to know about sex" that really helped me relax and lighten up about some of the cultural taboos about sexuality. Sometimes one of the biggest hurdles I think we run across is trying to separate our cultural baggage about sex from what Jesus actually teaches about love. The other very Christian book that I think everyone should read is "What's so amazing about grace?" by phillip yancy. It isn't actually a book about sex at all, it's about grace in all aspects of our lives…but I think it speaks profoundly about sexuality as well if read with that in mind.
The understanding tone, instinct for successful relationships, and detailed concern for principled passion come through in “A Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds” and all of the books by Dr. Douglas Rosenau (2002) from Thomas Nelson. I have given copies of this to couples preparing for marriage. I have not seen his efforts surpassed, and I enthusiastically recommend his work for newlyweds as well as all stages of Christian adult sexuality. http://dougrosenau.com/books-resources
Jenne,
I like what Eva & Gentleman said.
I love Rosenau, too. It lays a good foundation for many areas of discussion for young couples. Enough details about enough things – it promotes a biblical worldview about sex. Raises good questions and gives good answers. Also touches on things that many wrongly think as taboo. Good chapters on sexual fantasy, mutual pleasuring, communication, and “sex over forty-five”. I wish Eva’s books were still available. God bless you! LH
Jenne, I was referring to “A Celebration of Sex” by Rosenau. LH
Intimacy Ignited by Joseph Dillow, Linda Dillow, Peter Pintus, Lorraine Pintus…fantastic book based on the teaching of the bible and the passion of Song of Solomon.
Thanks a lot for all the suggestions everyone!
Hi I noticed a few places (including MH) recommend Sheet Music…can you elaborate a little on why you don’t recommend it? Thanks!
Oh ok I see. Thanks again for taking the time to respond!
Jenne was talking above about how most Christian sex books don’t embrace masturbation, and that is most definitely true. I just remembered, though, one book I read that did take masturbation seriously and positively, and that was Sex And The Spirit by Copeland and Rosenberger. While I love this book’s attitude toward more controversial aspects of sexuality (including masturbation) it was a bit of a heady/intellectual read, and so I generally wouldn’t recommend it to a new couple unless they were pretty nerdy themselves.
Hi Eva – would you give a little summary of “Sex and the Spirit”? What do you think the book’s most outstanding contribution is? Thank you! God bless! LH
LH- honestly, it's been over a year since I read the book and it didn't make a huge impact in me, so without going back and rereading huge chunks of it, I don't think I could write a very good summary or review. But I think what stands out to me even from this distant vantage point is that it was an attempt at what Mick Pope from Red Letter Christians refers to as "a theology of farts and orgasms." In other words, it was an attempt to take seriously the fact that we are physical earthly creatures and that God created our sexuality and expects to work in our lives through it. It did not do that thing that I see so frequently in Christian sexual literature where attempts are made to put "safe boundaries" around every little nuance of sexual experience, and that was refreshing. It took seriously experiences of masturbation, feminism, sexual fantasy, the struggle for manhood, singleness, and dwindling desire. It covered a lot of ground. Toward the end of the book one of the authors recounts a dream or vision that a woman had that portrayed Jesus in a sexual way. It was probably the most shocking passage of the whole book, and honestly the only part that has stayed securely in my brain. There's something about the dream that is revolting in its earthiness and crassness. It makes me think about the shock value in the idea of eating the body and drinking the blood that would have been present in the early church but which has been lost on us today in the repetition of ritual. And in doing so, it brings our sexuality…our farts and our orgasms…into the realm of the holy. And so, I'd say that's the major contribution of the book. It normalizes our humanity. It makes it okay to be sexual and earthy creatures. It takes us off the holy, overly spiritual pedestal so many of us try to balance on and says, hey, you don't need that. God made you human and he wants you to enjoy and experience that humanity.
Well Eva – I know that you did not want to attempt writing a good summary for me. But, what you wrote so whet my appetite to read this book. I really appreciate you taking the time! I like the issues that you said the book deals with. Thank you very much. God bless you. LH