Former swingers

My Husband and I – Former Swingers (L)

Marriage Heat Note: This story is about former swingers and their journey in and out of swinging. The graphic nature of the descriptions was not edited out, therefore, proceed with your discernment. If this former swingers story causes you harm, please move on to another story.

Former swingers – Adam and I have been married for over ten years. We found out early in our marriage that I was not able to become pregnant.  I love children, so I determined to become a fun aunt to the children of our family or friends.

We lived next door to a couple with three children about four years older than us. James and Brittany invited us into their life, and we enjoyed their children ages 6, 4 and three months old. James and Brittany seemed to live the life I wanted. We spent a lot of time at their house playing with their children and playing games after the kids were asleep.

Brittany was especially easy going and free talking about anything. She was also someone who had little shame about her body. When she nursed her baby, she was completely comfortable with being topless in front of my husband or me. James was completely O.K. with us seeing his wife’s breasts. There were times on hot nights in the summer that she would nurse the baby and just leave her breast exposed even after the baby was done nursing.

I noticed that Adam would have a hard on sometimes as all of us readily viewed Brittany’s tits. When we got home, we were horny. Adam could not wait to screw me the moment we were home. James and Brittany seemed to have everything we wanted.

As the months went by, our relationship with James and Brittany continued. I asked Brittany whether people were uncomfortable about how she nursed, so freely exposing her breasts. She told me that she and James had been swingers off and on when they found the right situation. I was curious. She told me a few stories of husband and wife swapping.  She talked about making love with other wives while their husbands watched. Sometimes the husbands would join in. She told many stories that created a longing to try this lifestyle.

I was thinking about James and Brittany and no one else. I never considered myself a lesbian, but I had a crush on Brittany. I was ready to kiss her and be as liberated as she was. I also found her husband James very attractive. All they had to do was suggest something, and I would be all in.

I know that my husband was on the same page with me. After the baby had been weaned, she continued to be topless at times. One time, she was braless and wearing a short skirt. Adam kept looking at her all night. We were all drinking and quite altered. When we got home, Adam was intensely horny. We screwed like rabbits. I admitted that I was turned on by Brittany and James. I asked Adam if he wanted to fuck Brittany like I wanted to kiss her. Even though I had never kissed a woman.

Adam admitted he wanted to screw Britanny. I wanted to become a swinger with Brittany and James. Our sex life was great, but I lusted for more. James and Brittany were the perfect candidates. I felt twinges of guilt over how I felt, but my lusting for Brittany and James filled my thoughts. I even masturbated about being with Brittany and James.

I imagined that Brittany was inviting us to swing with them. Who would dress the way Brittany did if they were not promoting something. Their promoting worked. I wanted to buy. Brittany and I were watching her kids on a Saturday. I was driven to ask her if they would swing with us.

Brittany was hoping that we would bring it up. They did not ask because they wanted us to bring it up. She said she would let James know and that one of these days it was just going to happen. If we wanted to do it, we were told just to follow their lead. It could happen this week or next week or a month from now. She said that I should talk to Adam. If he wanted to swing with them, I was to communicate that swinging by coming to their house wearing a short skirt without panties and a low cut shirt without a bra.

I shared the conversation with Adam. I asked him if he wanted to play with James and Brittany.  We screwed right after we made this decision.

Wow. I was curious. The fact that it was going to happen made it even more awesome.

That night, we gathered for cards. I wore a short skirt, no bra, no panties. Brittany did not have a bra on. I kept checking to see if Brittany was without panties. I thought we were going to be swinging that night. The subject never came up. We went home filled with lust, but nothing happen.

The following Saturday night, I showed up ready. Brittany was topless as we walked in. She walked up to me and gave me a kiss right in front of her husband and mine. I was so turned on. What happened next does not fit the guidelines of storytelling at MH. Adam and Brittany had brought their kids to Brittany’s parents. All weekend long we had lust filled sex. I made love to a woman. I was shared with James. Adam screwed Brittany. The weekend ended, and I saw the lure of swinging.

We madly plunged into this lifestyle with James and Brittany. We were swinging on Saturday nights after their kids were sleeping. Adam and I were beginning to struggle with things that never even entered our minds. I was becoming manic with highs and lows. I was discontent.

I was discontent with Adam. While his penis size was larger than James, James could go much longer before cumming. James also was a commanding figure in comparison to my husband. I found myself lusting after James and more critical of Adam.

Brittany declared that Adam was a “cuckold” husband. Their definition of cuckold was that from now on Adam was to be in the background while I was taken by James or Brittany or others.  I noticed that Adam had a raging hard on when Brittany said that. I was turned on too.

Adam smiled. “That sounds hot.”

Brittany said, “You are now a submissive man, a lesser man.”

Brittany directed Adam to sit down while James screwed me in front of him. He was not allowed to cum until Brittany asked him to beg for a blow job. He begged. He received what he asked for.

I gave him a book on being a cuckold, so he could feel good about being the lesser man who freely shared his wife. I began to consider him a lesser man. I started to treat him that way too. Adam and Brittany became the dominant sexual force in my life. Brittany would text me that she wanted me to masturbate at work. I would go to the bathroom and masturbate. Once, they told me to wear no panties for a whole week. I was instructed to meet James at his office to be James “slut.”  I did this. I lusted after this. They made it clear that Adam was submissive to James, Brittany and me. We now controlled his sexual actions. He could only participate in sexual activity when one of the three of us allowed it.  They made it clear that James was the Alpha Man. Brittany was the Alpha Woman. I was the alpha woman over Adam.

I told James and Brittany that I was not sure I could be the dominant over Adam. They asked Adam.

“Adam, are you the cuckold husband to Lilly?” James asked.

Adam agreed.

To make sure that Adam agreed, they did this cuckold ceremony.

“Adam and Lilly, let’s go to our master bathroom.” We followed them.

“Adam, take off your clothes,” James said. Adam had a big hard on.

“Lilly, pee on Adam,” Brittany said.

I was told to urinate on him while James and Brittany watched. I did that. Adam kept his hard on even after I peed on him.  Brittany straddled him until he climaxed. James took me right there while Adam watched.

James and Brittany were now in control of our sexual activities. Once James invited me to show up to be the whore to some of his swinging friends while Adam watched. Brittany did not show up.

Adam and I were getting lost in the lust world of James and Brittany. They introduced us to cocaine. Cocaine made us horny for their games.

I was a mess. Adam was even more of a mess. I started to hate Adam. I was dominated by another man and woman. I was now dominating my husband. I told James and Brittany that I started to hate Adam. They instructed me to fuck him on the master bed with me on top. One hour later, I was told to lead him into the master bedroom shower. I was told to pee on him. I did it. He got another hard on from being peed on. I felt so powerful and very horny. I was becoming a dominating monster. I had delusion-mercy on him and sat on his cock until he came in me.

I became even more of a mess. I was suffering from depression and fear. I started worrying about everything. I hoped I did not catch a disease from the James encounters. James and Brittany were getting to be more controlling.

One morning, (I call it a God thing) my mind saw all of this for what it was. James and Brittany were destroying our lives. I used to love my husband. Now I was hating him. I used to love sex and a lot more things in life. I was now preoccupied with lust. I was now regularly watching pornography, titles given to me by James and Brittany. God showed me I was going to be dead if I kept on this path.

I saw my “cuckold” husband next to me. He was such a lesser man now. I wanted Adam back. I wanted our sexual innocence back.

When Adam woke up. I started to cry. I told him that I wanted to go back to just him and me. I said I wanted to love him again not just dominate him. I wanted him to be the man again. I wanted to be his wife. I did not want a cuckold husband. I wanted the man I married.

As I said this, I felt my pussy tingle. I wanted him not to share me, and I did not want to share him. I was not a practicing Christian at this time, but I did honestly believe that God was somehow directing my life.

“Adam, I want you to be my one and only man. Protect me from me. Protect our marriage,” I said.

Adam was crying and admitted that he was considering suicide at losing his dignity. I was losing my sexuality in the hands of a powerful lustful force. We talked and talked. We had the most important conversation of our married life.

I was screwed up at this time. What I did next was important, but it was weird as I look back at it. I sincerely apologized to Adam for my part in this trouble. I removed all my clothes. I surrendered my sexuality back to my husband Adam under the one condition that I never be shared with another man or woman. He cried as I surrendered to him. His penis was rock hard. I requested that he come into the bathroom and fuck me and claim his wife back. I went into our master bathroom crying and ready to be willingly humbled.  I got down on my fours. I requested that he take me back right there and right now.

He pulled out his cock and entered me.

“Fuck me! I am yours!”

Adam, the man, was fucking his submissive wife. I had never felt so alive and refreshed. I did not climax. I was crying and happy. I could not orgasm at that moment. Adam shot his cum into me. I was filled up. I was his, never to be shared again. He pulled out after he went limp.

My knees were getting sore from being on our bathroom tile. I stayed on all fours. “I want you to pee on me,” I said.

“No, honey. I do not need to do that. I know you are sincere,” Adam said.

“I need you to pee on me, just this once.  This is not for you; this is for me. I want you to mark me as your loving possession. I know this is sick, and I will not ask you to do this again. I need to be humbled in that way. I need you to know that I will submit to you. I want you to feel your piss leave you. I want you to see that you have marked your woman as yours.”

Adam started to pee on my back as I asked him. I was crying. I was being renewed. I was being owned by my man again.

We talked and talked most of the day. I called Brittany and let her know that we were done swinging. She objected and said that if we chose to do that, she and James would sever all relationship with us.

DONE.

We have been rebuilding our marriage again.  Marriageheat.com is helping. God is helping us too. My advice to readers of marriage heat is to build your marriage. Love is not lust. Let your lust come out of your married love. I found this passage that solidifies our decision to build our marriage.

Proverbs. 5:15 -17  Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Should thy springs be dispersed abroad, And streams of water in the streets? Let them be for thyself alone,  And not for strangers with thee.

Former Swingers

Marriage Heat has made a category for former swingers to tell their stories. We welcome the stories of former swingers and their journey into swinging and how they found their way out of swinging. This former swinger category has been put on marriage heat to give voice to former swingers who want to tell their story. Sometimes stories like these will help us be self-aware of the strength of hot monogamy. Marriage Heat will allow the “appealing” aspects of swinging to remain in the stories because MH wants authentic discussion. The voice of Marriage Heat is the monogamy team, and we celebrate whenever someone comes back to monogamy. We also celebrate the journey of experiencing, learning and growing through the grace of God.

Swinging is being talked about extensively. Experts report that 5 percent of married couples are involved. The expert opinion has mixed reviews on swinging. Here is a sample article about the pro and cons of swinging not written from a Christian perspective.

 

 

 

3.75 avg. rating (75% score) - 36 votes
60 replies
  1. Lovinghusband
    Lovinghusband says:

    Lillyheat,

    I praise God for His merciful rescue of you and Adam! What a powerful grip you were in – and God's grace proved stronger. I'm very happy for you both. Thank you for bearing your soul with us. Welcome to MH! God bless you as you celebrate hot sex with your own husband. LH

  2. Lovinghusband
    Lovinghusband says:

    Dear MH

    Thank you for allowing this testimony and for your excellent explanation for how God can use testimony like this on MH!

  3. ClimaXX
    ClimaXX says:

    This story really hurt my insides. I am so totally a "One Woman Man" that the idea of sharing my wife tears my insides apart. I think this type of story can bring healing to someone, but would probably cause more damage than good. It opens mental pictures that are not good and can cause others to stumble. LillyHeat blessed me with her 'coming out' part and the fact that she and her hubby left the swinging lifestyle. Praise the Lord for that, but I still feel that MH is opening a can of worms that will have a negative effect on this site.

  4. Marriage Heat
    Marriage Heat says:

    Thanks for your comments about this intense story. Sadly, we get swinging stories submitted regularly, which we reject based on our guidelines. The search words used to find MH are often swinging words. Our hope and prayer that this story helps people see that blessing of hot monogamy. We live in very confusing times for many. Thanks again for your comments we will continue to consider whether we publish stories like this.

  5. John Flint
    John Flint says:

    It is good to see you got out of the swinging lifestyle. I appreciate seeing the dangers of it more. I feel I enjoyed the elicit part too much if you know what I mean. It has put in my head things I can't get out very easily so I struggle with seeing so much of the sexual acts. Let me explain. I have only really kissed 1 woman and have had sex with only one woman… My wife of 30 years. One thing long time monogamists deal with is the lure of the "excitement" we think we may have missed or be missing. Even though we hear about the destruction and break ups and diseases… because that is so far from us and we know so little of it we almost perceive it as not real or it wouldn't happen to me. When we read about it we crave it sometimes. Swapping cuckolding, sharing etc has been a major fantasy of mine for a few years now without my wife's knowledge and it is destructive and I have currently stopped. The less I see of it the better and I am sure I am not alone.
    We used to have friends who swung years ago before we knew them and it was weird visiting with them because they were still sexually suggestive and they seemed proud of their past. I would look at her and would know what she used to do and it creates an almost surreal dynamic. I would be jealous and yet know it was wrong what they did and dangerous. And due to the struggle, and desire within me it was best to not see them in some ways
    I think for this website to share the dangers and negative effects and how people got free is maybe good. But to hear the sex part of it is as the apostle Paul says..Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; 12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. ….Speaking of them creates pictures and desires we really don't need. Please moderators consider this. Warnings at the beginning of the story do not help. We will read it anyway. This stuff is just to "hot" to skip over for many of us. I would guess that many are trying to stay free of porn and stories of swinging is perhaps more that than "hot Monogamy" .

    Again great to see you free and I pray you will continue to heal and recover.

  6. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Thankfully I'm a one man woman and my husband's a one woman man. But I'm sorry about how your life was then, and I praise God for getting you out of that. Brittany's objection and threat to cut off ties were obviously for the best, and the best thing that happened. I am so happy you guys only want each other again. I also think the details are a bit much, but God bless you for being brave enough to share your story, my dear.

  7. Rab Keth
    Rab Keth says:

    I for one didn't find the swj ging part exciting. I appreciated how you gave the information in a bit of a glossed over fashion, and I think it was important to get out there as part of your redemption story. If you had glorified the swinging part I would have had an issue.
    I have struggled with understanding how someone gets caught up in that lifestyle. I mean, on the one hand yeah, exciting sex with other people that I get on an animal instinct level, but the marriage commitment though….
    When I returned to my hometown for a 20 year reunion after that many years away I discovered that 9/10 of my married best friends were actively swinging and I couldn't believe it. The realization rocked my world and I immediately cut off ties with them 1) because I couldn't understand it and 2) because I didn't want any of that chaos in my life or anywhere near my marriage. While I still believe that cutting ties was the right choice I feel like I have a better understanding of the issue because of your article. It really is a seduction, isn't it? I think that is important to realize, and so thank you.
    And how much of an awesome testimony? That God was freeing the two of you from such a trap before you had even come to him? I applaud you and thank you for your piece.

  8. LillyHeat
    LillyHeat says:

    Swinging for us was a seduction. I think we wanted more out of life. I am thankful that we were shown the real Chaos that was being created.

    I thank everyone for your encouragement. I feel bad that our story was too bad for MH. If the admins want to take it down, that's ok too.

  9. Lovinghusband
    Lovinghusband says:

    Lily,

    I hope you will. As I thought about your story – you gave a picture of the power of sin – then the consequent chaos that comes from the breaking away from God's designed order (even hating Adam, and his desire to take his life) – and finally a rescue that neither appeared to be looking for.

    Your story displayed the powerful deception that came – not from hooking up at a dance club – but that started calmly with making cookies with a trusted neighbor. I think your story displays well our need to be careful.

    It is my hope that you lean heavily on Christ – only He can deliver mercy to us. He offers forgiveness that was costly to Him – but a free gift to us by faith. Jesus is the perfect husband of His bride – the church. In Him, we find the safety and security that we need.

    Lily- may you and Adam experience the most fulfilling moments of sexual pleasure in the days and years ahead. I hope you two have found a good church in your local area that teaches the Bible and is filled with other grateful and forgiven sinners. It will be a good place for nurture.

    Not everyone writes in – but I want you to know that many rejoice in you both getting out of the trap you were in.

    God's rich, merciful blessings and love be upon you and Adam! LH

  10. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    I personally really enjoyed this post. It's real and raw and it shows how easy it is to get pulled in to this lifestyle. I feel that Christians tend to minimize and sugar coat things like this. They just say "Don't do that." But why not?? And a story like this shows why not. It also shows the double standard in the church. When someone shares their "testimony" and says they did drugs and got drunk every night and went to prison for it but then found the Lord, people say, "Amen. Good testimony." But someone says they were former swingers and people say that's too much information. Double standard.

    And as a result, it doesn't get talked about among Christians so other Christians are unaware and naive about it which opens the door for more and more to be tempted and to fall into it. But we talk about the dangers of drugs and alcohol so people won't fall to it. Double standard.

    Plus this story showed the power of grace. This couple could have easily gotten a divorce over this. But instead they forgave each other and themselves and worked on their marriage and sex life. And now they are in a committed, loving, monogamous marriage.

    And I would add, that in the story she was naive about swinging at first until the other woman started telling her some hot stories from their experiences. So because she was uninformed of the ugly side, she only heard about the parts that sounded good. So in her ignorance on the subject, it caught her curiosity and she wanted to try it. But if someone had told her of the ugly side it might have at least made her think about it a little more before plunging in. So that's why I like that MH is posting it and considering posting more, because someone on MH could be considering it and they need to hear this side of it.

    But also someone who isn't on MH could be searching for information about swinging, and the MH site pops up (because of the swinger stories) and that leads them to read her experience as well as leading them to the whole MH site which shows them how to have a hot, but monogamous, sex life. And it might even lead some to the Lord because they see that it is possible to be a Christian and still have a hot sex life. Because most people think that's not possible. And they want a hot sex life so they turn away from the Lord. This way we can show that it's possible to have both.

    So I support the idea of posting former swinger stories like this. And the details help in my opinion. In the beginning of the story I admit I got turned on by all that she was saying. But then I felt the shift when the other couple started being controlling and drugs got involved. I felt the heartbreak and disappointment they did when they realized the lifestyle had betrayed them. And then I felt the joy when they re-committed themselves to each other and repented. I loved this post and I say leave it up and post more like it.

  11. Chocolate Thunder
    Chocolate Thunder says:

    LillyHeat:

    Do NOT feel bad for writing what you did. At all. Marriageheat put a disclaimer up BEFORE the story started so everyone had a chance to leave. If people read it after that, it's on them. Plain and simple. If it's too much for others, fine. Don't read it and move on to another story. There's plenty on here. This is one reason why the world doesn't think hey can come to us for help in this area…because of responses like some above. Let's be adults about this & talk about this transparently to the glory of Jesus.

    LillyHeat & Marriageheat:

    THANK YOU FOR WRITING AND POSTING THIS! I've struggled with fantasies about this (swapping & cuckolding) for years (watching my wife fuck another man & seeing her "in action") & this helped me see the demonic & confusing trap that it is. Thank you again!

  12. Lovinghusband
    Lovinghusband says:

    I want to echo the thought Lily – Please DON'T feel bad for writing in! Just as we make choices not to go see movies with certain ratings – MH gave people the warning not to read. That is not on you. I want to encourage you to not worry about it. Thank you again. LH

  13. sexymama2103
    sexymama2103 says:

    Thank you for posting this story. I think everyone needs to understand that this story was meant to help people understand how easy it is to fall. No one is exempt from temptation. And I know I for one was naive and didn't know all about it, and now I know the problems it brings. We need to stop dancing around the tough issues and address them and talk about them. Expose them for what they really are. Thanks again, Lilly. I am so thankful that you and your husband have shared the story and have been able to have a hot monogamous sex life now.

  14. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    There is no need to feel bad, dear we all make mistakes. And in this way it's good that you put this on MH because it's you telling us from experience shows how bad things get when people do this.

  15. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    LillyHeat,

    As I said in my earlier comment, I enjoyed your post. I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions I've been wondering about since I read it. (I have some training in counseling and I enjoy studying the "why" behind behavior.) So I wanted to ask a few "follow up" questions if I could. Please note this is just out of "professional curiosity." Meaning, the "counselor" part of my brain sees this as an interesting case study and would like to study it a little more. I hope that makes sense.

    1. Do you ever see James and Brittany as you walk to or from your car? Are they polite and wave or do you ignore each other completely? Since you say they live next door I was just curious how you managed to avoid them after being so "close."

    2. What do you think the appeal was to it for you? Looking back what was the motivation? Was it the idea of being desired by another man? Was it being with another woman? Was it just exploring your sexuality, etc? Or as you look back on it, would you say it was more about your own insecurities trying to come out? Or was some mixture of all that? (Would like to hear your husbands answer to this as well.)

    3. Are you or have you ever been tempted to get back into it? How do you handle it if you are tempted? (Would like to hear your husbands answer as well.)

    4. Is there anything you miss about the lifestyle? Like was there a certain way James could pleasure you that you miss? Or do you miss being with the woman? Etc? How do you handle when a pleasurable memory comes up so that it doesn't lead you to be tempted to get back into it? (Would like to hear your husbands answer as well.)

    5. Is there anything you do now just between the 2 of you that you picked up from being in the lifestyle? Like a position or technique or something that you didn't do before?

    6. How long would you say all this took? From start to finish (from the first time you talked to Brittanny about swinging to the time when you decided not to do it anymore) would you say it was over the course of a year? 2 years?

    7. Just curious about how many men you had sex with during your time in the lifestyle. How many women were you with? How many women was your husband with?

    8. Did either of you use condoms when you had sex with others or no? if no, why not?

    9. Was there anything you did in the lifestyle that you didn't really want to do, but did just to go along or because you felt pressured? I'm thinking of things like when you did things like peeing on your husband. Especially when you were "instructed" to by the other couple. Or did it genuinely turn you on at the time?

    10. Have either of you ever been tempted to use cocaine since getting out of the lifestyle? Did you have to go through any kind of drug rehab to get off that? Was it difficult to break free from this aspect of the lifestyle?

    Thanks in advance for your answers.

  16. PassionateForChrist
    PassionateForChrist says:

    Dear LillyHeat, please don't feel bad at all. You didn't do wrong in posting your testimony of how God's Grace and power lifted you out of what would have wrecked you more and more. God saved you and your husband, and that is something absolutely worthy to be praised, worthy to be celebrated among the family of believers! God is so amazing! And He has shown Himself powerful on your behalf! Don't feel bad, don't feel shamed or any such thing just because your story may be hard to handle for others (no matter who, no matter how many), hard to talk about or hard to open up about… Sin is hard to handle for us all and hard to bear and hard to open up about but THANK GOD we have a Champion in Heaven who saves us and delivers us out of it, bit by bit and piece by piece, as we cling to Him and keep our hearts on Him, a Good Shepherd who restores us and redeems us and leads us back into His ways when we are lost! Dear LillyHeat, your testimony is a blessing because God has given it to you and I'm convinced He has endowed it with power to help others, to set others free too. Don't feel bad about your story. God has graced me to have a personal testimony of His Goodness and restoration power that touches on the sexual field as well and I'm experiencing it too that not everyone (within the Christian community or outside of it) may be able to handle it in an encouraging way – they are good people, with good hearts, but the topic is just too much to handle for some… And I get it, there is a fine line to everything, sharing something may be helpful to one but risky to another… We all need to be discerning for ourselves about what we can handle at some point in time and what not. Like, I needed to stop reading MH for a while because I wasn't able to handle it appropriately in my mind for a little while. That didn't mean that MH was doing anything wrong. I needed to check my heart and mind, and discern, and choose proper action for the time being until I would be balanced again with His ways at the center. In the same way, the value and worth of your testimony doesn't change by who is able to receive it in this moment. Your testimony has been given to you by God – He has written it in your story to enable you to be a light for His Glory through Him – He has walked it out with you, showing you His great mercy, His Grace, His unfailing love, His power, His faithfulness, His righteousness, bringing you and your husband to repentance and back home to His ways. You are not celebrating sin; you are celebrating God's rescue, God's power to change your life for the better, God's power to give you a new beginning, God's Goodness and Grace towards you. Your testimony is precious in the sight of God, so be encouraged to share it whenever He leads you to share it.

    I haven't read the story above because in my current single state I believe it's better for me not to but I had read your comment on the former post and I have kept up with the comments of this post a bit. Lovinghusband said "Not everyone writes in – but I want you to know that many rejoice in you both getting out of the trap you were in." I do heartily agree with what LH has shared in his comments to you and wished to echo this actively. I so rejoice for you and your husband and I praise God for what He did for you and for who He is! God bless you!

  17. Chocolate Thunder
    Chocolate Thunder says:

    Question for anyone who wants to answer.

    For married couples: Besides your spouse, What do you think about while having sex?

    1. sex with other people?
    2. Either real or imagined past sex experiences?
    3. Sex with a celebrity?

    I ask because we've done this before & it's a turn on to talk about those things yet keep them in fantasy land where they belong. Thoughts?

  18. Rab Keth
    Rab Keth says:

    For me that isn't an option. I don't know how other people feel about it, but I know it puts my heart into sketchy territory. I'm super sensitive to that sort of thing so maybe our experiences are different, but with cheating in my past (from way back in high school in the 90's) I'm always about being protective of my relationship.

  19. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Hello, sweet sister. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony and your heart with us. I agree wholeheartedly with Lovinghusband, hornyhubby, pasionateforchrist, and the others who said this was a great post and needed to be put out there. The dangers are real, we need to be alert and examining ourselves and our desires. I'm praising the Lord with you and your husband. What a beautiful picture of God's mercy and love! Thank you, Lilly, for your courage to share. May God continue to bless you as you trust and obey Him!

  20. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    This story really make think about my relationship with my wife and a similar discussion we had about 10 years ago.
    We were both pretty young when we started dating (her 16, me 18) and we were not very knowledgesable about sex, but we were fully in love with each other. Fast forward to kids and grandkids and you then you are along with you spouse with whom you have built all those memories. Hopefully more good ones than bad ones. We've all seen the statistics that half of most marriages end in divorce and no I no goes look for looking to claim form that prize.

    One day out of the blue my lovely Sweetie ask me if I ever thought about sleeping with another woman. This, she explained was she wanted to offer because neither one of us had had sex with another person and prior to being married. She felt it was better to approach the problem head on to find out what my feelings were based on our limited exposure to sex.
    She really caught me off guard with that one. I pride myself at being able to decider her moods and thoughts up to this point in our life together. I really hadn't had thought cross my mind. During almost 25 years of marriage. I asked her if she thought she needed some outside stimulation and she said no, but she would rather know how I felt and deal with it head on. She definitely had my attenttion. I thought carefully for a moment and I just felt that I was not the type of person that can deal with those intense feeling and function well. The idea did have some appeal, but I immediately thought there was no one I would trust to take care of my most valued possession.
    We talked about it every once in a while, but I find it hard to believe that someone could treat her the way I think she she should be treated.
    These discussions died over time and only come up when we are pretty wrapped in a heated state, which does add a little spice to things , but we've been very content with exploring by ourselves.
    I
    do think the subject story was very well written and brought forth a very relevant topic forward for consideration.

    Thank you Lilly for having the courage to share you story in hopes of helping others.

  21. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Answers to questions 1 and 3: Absolutely not, we only have eyes for each other.

    As for question 2, yes. As you probably read from my posts my husband and I love to remember times when we were younger, and the memories of us making love when we were young has been part of our foreplay since about 15-20 years into our marriage.

  22. PacMan
    PacMan says:

    I don't find swinging actually tempting, but there is an allure of curiosity. In some ways it doesn't feel like it would be cheating if all the spouses were consensual. So I am very grateful for the graphic nature of this post. It is honest about the allure, and honest about the fallout – which helped me to better grasp the pain it causes. Ultimately it helps to erode the allure by seeing the whole picture. So thanks! I think it's a good new section of this site.

  23. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Lilly,

    I think I got the trend going as I posted a story a week before this got published about an experiment I did interviewing several couples who are involved in the lifestyle and my intent was not to offend but inform thanks for posting this story in all its graphic nature because issues like this don't need to be sugarcoated.

  24. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    Are we going to see more from you about that experiment? I was looking forward to reading more in that series.

  25. Hopeful Hubby
    Hopeful Hubby says:

    Yes sorry got super busy with work and home life that I haven't gotten around to posting it.

  26. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Fantasy is great but when it includes a real person it brings a third party into the bedroom and becomes well you know what that is called

  27. Upcomingauthor
    Upcomingauthor says:

    The Bible is littered with graphic details of the sin man commits all the time. That's what sets our faith apart from others–we don't pretend we're perfect, we see the mess for what it was. Testimonies are not testimonies without sharing some of the deeper and disgusting aspects of the test.

    MH also put a disclaimer up to help those that may struggle stay away from this type of story along with the description of the new category at the end of the story. This was not posted lightly, you can believe that.

  28. Upcomingauthor
    Upcomingauthor says:

    Thank you John and the anonymous as well.

    For me lately I've struggled greatly with this temptation. It got so bad at one point I told my wife that I had been thinking of all the different ways to convince her into some sort of lifestyle like this and we talked and she even admitted that she knew me well enough that she knew eventually I could probably figure out a way.

    But being the man of God I was raised to be I told her that I understood it was a temptation and a path I didn't want either one of us to go down on, and that out of concern for her and her mentality I refused to let those thoughts become a reality.

    I think for me, this helped me actually realize I'm not alone. I spend so much time thinking no other man has these feelings or if they do they believe it's okay as long as they stay fantasies.

    While the story was graphic…I honestly think it was needed. Those thoughts, they're already in our head as it is. If we're already being tempted by that sin, those thoughts and images are already in our minds. I think stories like this though give the inside perspective to our already playing movies in our head and show that the movie does not have a happy ending.

    It's opening up a lot of discussion, but beyond that, it's helping me actually realize that I'm not alone and that's what I appreciate.

  29. Purelove
    Purelove says:

    Thanks for sharing this story. I definitely agree with a lot of the comments here that this kind of thing can be very distracting.. Putting mental pictures in people's heads and acting as a stumbling block. However, I also appreciated the powerful and vivid way that Lillyheat described the horror and depression and evil that this was. It really broke my heart for people in this sin. It's not a joke or a game.

    Before I was married, I had sex with many girls. I regret every single one, even though memories come into my mind sometimes. The "promises" and lure of sexual sin is ALWAYS deceiving. Even before I was married I knew this. Satan laughs as he watches us wallowing in misery and brokenness from our sin. Please, PLEASE, flee from this. Get accountable, confess, pray, do anything to run from swinging and these fantasies. Husbands–love your wives and be JEALOUS for them. Guard and protect them with your lives! Wives–submit to and love your husbands! See them as your protector and provider and leader. God bless everyone here. May God preserve us all in our marriages so that we can be lights of truth and holiness in this broken world, and save people out of it!

  30. Eva
    Eva says:

    Lilly- this is such a crassly beautiful story of your renewed relationship with your husband. I am glad you shared it. And so glad you shared some of the nitty gritty details as well. Sometimes as Christians we sugarcoat things…and I think that is often a mistake.

    I personally have to say it was hard for me to get through reading your story. The level of dehumanization that occurred in this story regarding your husband just made me cringe and shudder. And that is coming from someone who likes to sometimes play with the idea of dehumanization in the bedroom. I mean, just last night Walls was using me for a footrest and I thought it was great fun. But I think what bothered me so much about your story was not even so much the swinging, but the fact that the dehumanization seemed to go so far beyond healthy play and to enter into the realm of the real. It seemed that you and your neighbors were actually thinking less of him as a person because of his role in your sexual forays.

    I read a book recently called "things your mother never told you" by Kim Gaines Eckert. And her refrain in that book is that sex should always make us more human and never less so. I can relate to that. In our marriage we tend to explore and push all the normal sexual boundaries about as far as we can while still staying within a monogamous commitment. And sometimes we've felt good about how we've pushed things and sometimes we've felt terrible about it. But in our experience it seems that in trying new things success or failure is almost always determined by the level at which we respected and loved each other's personhood throughout the encounter.

    So as someone who likes to ask tough questions and get to the core of the issue. I guess I'd be curious to know if you think you would have had such a negative experience with your neighbors if the whole dehumanization thing had not occurred. If you had stayed true friends and continued to respect each other throughout your swinging experience do you think that would have changed your experience overall? In other words, if the whole thing with your husband becoming the subordinate male had never happened, but instead you shared a mutual, respectful, and playful sexuality…do you think your view I'd the whole affair might have been any different? Or is it all just so tied up so tightly in such a painful experience that that question is impossible to answer?

    I ask this because I up have read stories of people who have had long term swinging relationships that have lasted decades, in which all parties report that the experience has actually strengthened the marriages and friendships involved. and I am constantly trying to make sense of these stories. It's not that I'm advocating swinging. I'm not. But I do advocate listening to people's stories…even if their stories are different from our stories. And so I find that I have a need to be able to figure out what makes their stories so radically different from stories like yours. Because it seems like we are always saying swinging is the problem. But for them, they say swinging was part of the answer. So what's the difference? Are they lying and deceiving even themselves or is there a chance that something other than non-monogamy is the the problem and they somehow avoided it while in your story you did not?

    I hope you aren't offended by this question. And I hope you don't see it as me minimizing your experience in anyway. It's just that this topic is one I have given a lot of thought to in recent months and I am very interested in hearing your take on my question.

    All the best to you. I am so excited for this new chapter in your life.

  31. hornyGG
    hornyGG says:

    God bless you both. Our God is a loving and forgiving God. Though I would love to hear more, I also feel it is important to move on and put the past behind you. Just as God has forgiven and wiped your slate clean of the matter. Stay horny you two!

  32. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Hi Eva, I'd be interested to now why you're asking this. And I'd also kind of like to know why you're always pushing boundaries within your marriage… Anyway… my thinking would be… If some marriages can survive swinging, wouldn't that be like saying some people can survive heroin, and even enjoy it for a while… but that doesn't mean heroin isn't incredibly destructive… and it's not just about the couples directly involved, its the impact on the wider society. Maybe not the best analogy… but certainly marriage (traditional monogamy) is for the good ordering of society and the raising of children. Swinging is part of a movement away from monogamy that is gradually unravelling the fabric of our society, and that is impacting everyone. Sorry if this is just super obvious or irrelevant… but, I used to live in a place where the whole culture had embraced sexual liberation including swinging and we had to get out of there – for our kids sake and for our marriage (even though we weren't involved in the swinging etc). I saw most of my friends marriages fall apart, just because traditional boundaries were no longer respected. Falling into temptation was just so easy. There was such a fluid situation where anything goes. If you were a married guy there were so many women available and open and lining up, etc, etc. My wife as a counsellor saw the underbelly of the whole thing – not pretty or glamorous at all… broken lives whether adults or children.

    And another thought would be… if people have the ability to hold their marriage together as well as swing (or something like that)… which is pretty remarkable… I'd say they have the capacity to do that precisely because their parents didn't swing… if you know what I mean… we strengthen our children and pass on all kinds of capacities when we're faithful (one man, one woman, one lifetime). I'd say the children of swingers, will not have the same capacities for holding their marriage together as their parents. We need to see the bigger view – how things develop generation to generation – on down the line – and how things spread through a community. The fact that I have remained faithful and developed a great marriage with one woman means my children have learnt or absorbed the skills necessary to build a great marriage. Not that it's a given that they will do this, but hopefully we've given them a great start. And the fact that Lillyheat and Adam have repented and are now, with God's help, building something strong together – they'll pass that capacity on. Sorry if I'm preaching to the choir.

  33. Loved by my Wife
    Loved by my Wife says:

    "Sadly, we get swinging stories submitted regularly, which we reject based on our guidelines. The search words used to find MH are often swinging words. Our hope and prayer that this story helps people see that blessing of hot monogamy."
    Wow, that goal has the potential to unleash power. It takes a lot of faith. Power always takes faith.
    I wonder if there is a way to get these stories on the searches without putting them on the front page?

  34. thexo
    thexo says:

    Hello Lily & MH,

    I want to echo what Chocolate Thunder wrote… THANK YOU for writing and MH, THANK YOU for posting this story of God's Grace and ability to deliver anyone out of any situation!!! I too have had a VERY strong desire for this type of sexual activity for years and so it was REALLY good to read about how bound you both became in reality versus how you desired things to turn out based on fantasy. The absolute BEST part was God's Grace, how He delivered you both from being bound to this… That was something I REALLY needed to read!

    THANK YOU again and Blessings…!

    Steve

  35. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    Anonymous, I can't speak for Eva, but I do think that Eva and I think alike in a lot of ways. So I will respond to your comment and hopefully later Eva will share whether she agrees with me or not. What you need to understand is that it isn't so much about pushing the boundaries, it's about trying to find where the boundaries are. I (and i think Eva was too) was raised in a church and family that didn't teach a healthy view of sex. And the only thing they ever said about it was, "Don't do it till marriage!" But that doesn't teach me about the meaning, purpose or spiritual connection behind sex. Nor does that teach what is okay and what isn't okay. Even within marriage. So I think what Eva is trying to do here is to try to understand where the boundaries are as well as why they are there. "Don't have an open/swinging marriage." But why not? What is the reason for it? Is it the swinging itself? Or was this just a bad example of swinging, etc. I myself like to understand why the rule is there before I will blindly follow it. And there are a lot of things that make more sense when we understand the why behind it. For instance, a lot of the Old Testament rules sound weird and a little extreme. But when you study why God told them that it tends to make more sense. So I think that is what she is trying to do here with her questions.

    And who better to ask about swinging than a former swinger? Because a lot of times, I have seen Christians want to pass judgment and laws on things that, quite frankly, they don't fully understand. And by passing those laws and judement they end up doing more harm than good. Just telling someone in the swinger lifestyle or the homosexual lifestyle to "just repent" isn't good enough. And that will more than likely turn them off. Especially if they feel judged for continuing in that lifestyle. It's more helpful to do what Eva is trying to do here and try to understand the psychology behind it. What is this person's motivation? What drives this behavior, etc. Plus, Eva and I just like to unemdersts d the why behind things. Thata just our curiosity and how we learn.

    I understand where you are coming from in your comments. And I even agree with you that what we do in our marriage is passed on to our children. Whether it's for good or ill. That's often why you see 2 or 3 generations of divorce. Because it does get passed on. Some call it a "generational curse." I have mixed feelings about that term, I don't know if it's more of a spiritual warfare thing or just a paychological learned behavior thing or some mixture of both, but it can definitely be passed on to the next generation.

    So hopefully that sheds some light on your question. Eva, let me know if I'm on track or way off here. LOL!

  36. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    Also, part (but certainly not all) of the reason negative traits are passed down is because of ignorance. "My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge." (Hosea 4:6) It is precisely because we have historically been afraid of asking these questions that the ignorance about these things have been passed on to the next generation. Hence another reason for Eva's questions.

  37. Eva
    Eva says:

    Okay, first, I really want to apologize to Lilly for opening this can of worms under her post. I have been wanting to open a conversation on this topic for awhile, but in retrospect, I don’t think this post was the place to do it. The reason I feel badly about posting it here is that I don’t want Lilly or anyone else to think that I don’t think her situation was awful and that God hasn’t worked mightily in her life by bringing her and Adam out if it. Because it was awful, and God has worked mightily. And so I really just want to restate that before I go on so that I am not misunderstood on that front.

    Secondly, HH, thanks for taking a stab at this question for me. I actually had most of this response typed up in a draft the other day, but something was wrong with the MH site by the time I was ready to post it, and I got busy doing other things and haven’t gotten back until just now. I agree with everything you said. I need to understand they why. And on this topic in particular I have reasons to believe that the “why” I’ve been taught isn’t quite adequate to address the actual real life experiences of some people.

    But, anyway, since I already opened the can of worms, I’ll try to answer some of the concerns that Anon raised regarding my previous comment…. to answer the boundaries question, we as a couple push boundaries as a way of deepening our relationship with each other. I'm not actually sure that "pushing boundaries" is the best phrase to use. Maybe it would be better to say we "experiment rather freely" or something like that. It isn't like we are doing things that we actually think are going to damage our relationship. It's just that we have decided as a couple that in our marriage it's okay to talk about anything. And so when one of us is interested in exploring some new form of sexual expression, we talk about it and then if we are both game, we go for it. By doing this we have found some amazing and fun new ways to play, and we have strengthened our communication and trust exponentially. You might say that we use sex as a way to dig down deep into each other’s psyches and emotions. We deal with a lot of our psychological and emotional hang-ups that affect our lives outside the bedroom by dealing with them inside the bedroom. By saying that we push boundaries, what I am mostly saying is that we do things with sex that go well beyond the missionary position, but I am not saying that we are doing things that are compromising our marriage.

    As for the swinging conversation…. I don't want you to think that I do not see the very obvious hurt and instability that can come out of swinging. I do see that. But I've also read enough on the subject of polyamory that I no longer believe that the hurt and instability is a guaranteed given. Just like stability and health are not guaranteed givens in monogamy. What I also know is that there is a growing trend in our culture to normalize the acceptance of non-monogamy. People like Christopher Ryan and Esther Perel have written books that are going to shape the culture of sexuality in the generations to come whether we as Christians like it or not. And so as Christians, I think we do a disservice to our children and our grandchildren if we aren't willing to engage the topics surrounding non-monogamy in an intelligent and informed way. And even thought I regret asking them now, that is why I asked Lilly the questions I did.

    In an effort to understand some of the topics that have come up in our own sexual exploration as a couple and also in an effort to better understand the sexual climate my kids are growing up into, I’ve done a ton of reading on the various types of polyamory that are happening in various parts of our culture right now. From what I can tell, there are three major types of poly. There’s the swingers, the polyfidelity people, and the group marriage people. Personally, I find it hard to believe that casual swinging can ever be healthy. To me, it just looks like a way to continue to engage in hook-up culture after you are married. Yet, there are couples out there who claim to have built swinging into their otherwise stable and loving marriages. One couple I read about took one "swinging vacation" a year while staying monogamous the other 51 weeks on the calendar. The next group are the people who do some form of polyfidelity. They might have a closed network of people with whom they are sexual and the size of this group might be large or small. These people are committed to each other in friendship, intimacy, and fidelity, but not necessarily for doing the nitty gritty details of life together (like they don’t share bank accounts or laundry baskets). When children enter the picture in these poly fidelity “families” these extra adults serve the role of chosen aunts and uncles. The last distinct group of poly people are the people who are trying group marriage…where maybe 3-4 adults live together under one roof in a committed, exclusive relationship in an effort to create a stable and healthy family life. (you can google Amy, over at the Red Thread Farm for an intelligent and God-fearing example of this).

    While I have trouble with the swinging thing, I do find myself rather intrigued from a Christian perspective by these people who are trying polyfidelity and group marriage. Many of these people are just as committed to strong relationships and intimacy as we on the monogamy team are. They are just going about these strong relationships in a different way. They are saying “hey, I’m not a one man one woman kind of person, but I do believe in love, stability, and trust…if I work at this hard enough, maybe I can have both.” And of course, that isn’t to say that all of these poly relationships work out. Obviously a ton of them don’t (I haven’t run across anyone who has tried to do a statistical analysis), but they say 50% of monogamous marriages don’t work out either, so I figure I’m willing to grant them a rather large margin for error.

    So when I asked Lilly the questions I did, I had this group of poly fidelity people in the back of my mind. Lilly and Adam weren’t swinging in the sense of a random one-time hook-up. They were swinging within an established relationship that went sour. But I just can’t help but wonder. What if that relationship didn’t sour? What if all four of those individuals found the sex and the relational nurture in their quad to be as life giving as we find in our monogamy? If the thing we call “sin” is life giving, is it really a sin? Is it possible that we have mislabeled what the sin is? Jesus said the sin was failure to love. I have trouble seeing love in the relationship that Lilly describes. But if love between the four individuals was an established given like it is in so many of our monogamous marriages, maybe a sexual side of the relationship could follow without spiritual detriment. Or, maybe it couldn’t. I don’t know. But if the stories I’ve read are true, then some people out there have found that it can work that way. And so I either have to believe them or else decide that they are all self-deceiving liars. I can’t pretend their stories don’t exist. Because they do.

    So, hopefully I’ve explained myself a little better now. But, I also really appreciate what you were saying about your experience with the swinging in the community you were a part of. I can see that that was a bad thing. It doesn’t surprise me that it was a bad thing. Because instability is bad and sex without relationship and commitment is bad as well. As a Christian who is looking toward the future, through, I just feel very strongly compelled to ask if poly is ALWAYS bad. Because I think it’s a trend that is going to get bigger before it gets smaller, and if we as Christians (who have figured out some pretty significant tools for stable relationships) can help nurture rather than condemn the families that choose this lifestyle, we are going to help make life better for their kids instead of worse. And to me, that’s a really important difference.

  38. Stag-on-a-hill
    Stag-on-a-hill says:

    Thanks HH, I messed up so my comment came up as 'anonymous.' I love asking questions and exploring (I'm extreme in this) but I'm also learning I'm driven sometimes by covetousness or just the pain inside me… We are complicated beings. I need to learn to be content within God's word and trust him. And realise he's the one I'm really seeking with all my questions around sex. There's a really cool book called 'I want God' by Lisa Whittle. I recommend it to everyone.

  39. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    Thanks Eva, (Stag here) yeah, as much as poly may kind of work in some circumstances… But to think it gives life… I guess I'm saying it doesn't. We're so individualist in America not thinking about the big picture. Monogamy is for the good ordering of the whole society. We are going to see a decline in many of the blessings of our culture as a whole due to the new sexual ethics… Including more marriages failing!! That is, we're seeing 50p/c of marriages failing partly BECAUSE of changing values. Marriage is worth fighting for – that's why God gave us marriage not poly something. The big picture is what makes marriage loving. As I've said before, God's law shows us what love is. Change this fundamental understanding of marriage and you'll have a very different society with all kinds of new problems we have't yet experienced. NT Wright says people turned to Christ in droves in the early centuries coz many were sick of poly… the unique Christian and Jewish view of marriage and help of the poor was so liberating.

  40. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    I completely understand where you are coming from, Eva. I too have wondered about this. Mainly with the Biblical examples. Take Jacob, Rachel and Leah. Clearly they had what today would be considered a "poly" relationship. And yet we notice that God never condemns it. In fact, we read that when he saw that Leah wasn't loved by Jacob (because he loved Rachel) then God opened Leah's womb and she got pregnant. And then Jacob ended up sleeping with both Rachel's and Leah's maidservant and got them pregnant a few times. So this became even more "poly" in the sense that Jacob was sleeping with 4 different women and getting them all pregnant. But the thing that stands out to me is that God never "condemns" him/them for this. In fact, between the 4 women they ended up with 12 boys and 1 girl. Those 12 boys went on to become the "twelve tribes of Israel." Out of which came Moses and the Law (through Levi) and then the Messiah (through Judah!)

    Then there's David with his multiple wives and multiple concubines. And the incident with Bathsheba is interesting as well. When Nathan the prophet confronted David about it, he says that God is the one who gave him the multiple wives and concubines. And then he said that if that wasn't enough he would have given him even more. So again we see that David had a "poly" relationship with several wives and then concubines on the side. And again we see that God never condemns him for it and even took credit for giving them to him. And it seems he would have given him more if he wanted. And the "sin" with Bathsheba doesn't even seem to be adultery in the sense that he slept with someone who wasn't his wife. Notice Nathan's words. He only questions why David, who had plenty of wives, had to take Uriah's ONLY wife. So it wasn't really a "sexual" sin but a sin of coveting something that wasn't his to have. God never actually addressed the adultery. Or the multiple wives thing.

    So it's an interesting thought. And it puts an interesting spin on the idea of what God blesses when it comes to marriage. Now to clarify, I'm not advocating this. There are clearly some practical issues and other moral issues to consider, but like you said: "If the thing we call “sin” is life giving, is it really a sin? Is it possible that we have mislabeled what the sin is?"

    I think it is very possible we have mislabeled it and that has led to a LOT of judgmentalism toward people. And that isn't right either. It isn't right for a Christian to condemn a couple who swings and says it works for them or who live in a polygamous relationship. The judging others has to stop. We need to make an effort to understand. And love others as Christ loved us, even if we don't ever fully understand.

  41. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    Blondie, you're right. They didn't sound happy or fulfilled. And yes there was a lot of rivalry. That's why I can't believe there is no jealousy in polygamous or swinger relationships. Imagine how you would feel if your husband had a second wife in addition to yourself. And imagine that tonight was "her night" with him. I imagine some strong feelings of jealousy and possibly abandonment. I suppose the polygamous society would want us to believe it is similar to a divorce situation with kids. And if this weekend is the fathers weekend to have the kids, then the mother usually sees it as a weekend "off" and she might even welcome it and enjoy the peace and quiet for a few days. I suppose they see it that way as giving one wife the night off. But with marriage you are never "off." You are one. That would be like saying you switched off from yourself. It can't be done. So the intimacy would be sacrificed in the process. I once watched a documentary on a poly family and it was one woman and 2 men. But she had a child with just one of the men. And the interviewer asked the man who wasn't the father if he was ever jealous of the connection she had with the other man since they had a child together. And on camera he admitted that he did get jealous. So it's there.

  42. marriedman
    marriedman says:

    CT
    I'll take a shot at your questions. I'll give a short background so you have some perspective. My Sweetie and have been together for about 40 years, the last few years have found us living a great distance apart for work reasons which has been extremely difficult. When we are together it is still difficult and whenever the opportunity presents itself I want to see her naked and ready to take me in. I want to feel horny and hard and enjoy every sensation she has to offer and that I can give her.

    When she's not with me and certain needs need to be met I like to write her stories of our highlight reel. I'm sure in the past I had some fantasies of some acquaintances, but the good stuff even today are the ones involving her in some fashion. I just love holding those hips, driving it home, watching and listening to the results.

  43. Happy Husband
    Happy Husband says:

    My favorite part about this post is how well Lilly addresses the charm, allure and initial intoxication that swinging might provide to some, but how she ends with her quote from Proverbs. God is aware of our dangerous inclination to seek pleasure for pleasure's sake, and warned against in Proverbs. While we are made to enjoy pleasure, God knows that it is only constructive and Blessed inside the Holy bonds of marriage. In a healthy, faithfull and monogamous marriage it is like a glue that binds a husband and wife together. A symbolic AND tangible manifestation of love. Outside of marriage, however, while it may seems enticing and attractive, it ultimately can become an eventual source of pain, envy, jeolousy, anger, guilt and emotional destruction. Whether through an affair or through swinging, Lilly's story is no different than what happens in a marriage with a traditional affair. Bless you Lilly, for your restoration and your courageous willingness to share your story openly for this community.

  44. Eva
    Eva says:

    my favorite passage on that list was the Hosea 1:3 one, "Then the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by her husband, yet an adulteress, even as the LORD loves the sons of Israel, though they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes."

    Haha! Heaven forbid we love raisin cakes! I wonder if raisin bread is okay? I might need to go repent of my breakfast. It might be a slippery slope too. I mean, maybe we started out eating raisin cakes and the next thing we knew we were eating fruit cake! And then carrot cake! Yeesh! Maybe it isn't sex that's been the downfall of society. Maybe it's been cake all along and we've just been so wrapped up in our sin that we didn't even recognize it for what it was!

    Haha. Just kidding. I'm sure that there was some deeply rooted cultural significance to raisin cake that is lost on me today. It was probably part of a pagan ritual or something. But really, I can't help but laugh. It's amazing the crazy stuff you can come up with if you take every word literally and try to understand it through our limited worldview.

  45. HornyHubby
    HornyHubby says:

    Eva, yes raisin cakes were a symbol of sexuality. There are some references to this in the Song of Songs. Same with apples. Apples were a symbol of male sexuality and virility. I think because of the seeds inside them. It was a symbol of the seed inside the man. (Semen/sperm) I think raisin cakes served the same purpose

  46. Steamyformywife
    Steamyformywife says:

    I personally would like to see a story like this edited to include less description of the sinful times and more description of how Christ brought the two together and their hot monogomaus times together.

    Personally I believe this sites core is for hot monogamy. This story is not about hot monogamy. The majority of the sex in this story is about passionate and hot sex between swinging couples- doesn't seem to fit the posting guidelines I've read. Just my 2 cents.

    I'm happy to hear about how Christ helped Adam and Lilly get away from Satans grip and I also pray that James and Brittany can see them as an example and come to Christ as well.

  47. Deane
    Deane says:

    Thank you for sharing this story, Lily. I'm so glad to hear how God delivered you and your husband from that self-destructive lifestyle of swinging and restored your marriage! God bless you always.

  48. StephDicicco
    StephDicicco says:

    OMG, tears fill my eyes in this moment. I want out, but my husband is hungry for more threesomes. We haven't had one in over two-years. I feel if we do then God will unleash holy hell on us. I feel that my husband withholds NOTHING from me — whatever I want, he gives it to me (if he can). What do I do to help my husband? He is starving for more threesomes. I feel torn.

  49. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Ok, hun, just try to calm down first. I read both your comments.

    Now First of all, if you've believed in Jesus Christ, and trusted Him alone to save you, you've got nothing to worry about in that regard. Now it's true that if you're God's children He will chastise you if you sin, and of course that's not pleasant at all.

    I don't know when you got saved but if you got married to an unbeliever that was not a good idea. Of course you can't change that now, but maybe have your husband read these. Have you told him how you feel? All that bad porn probably had an influence on him. But you have every right to refuse to do something that's sin, dear. You mentioned that it was "earth shattering", did you mean traumatic by that? Because if your husband makes you do that, regardless of how you feel then he doesn't really love you, he's just using you. I hate to break it to you, but I have to be honest, dear. But you need to tell him you want out. And also keep praying, maybe He did answer a prayer by leading you to this site. God will never leave you nor forsake you :') God bless you dear I'll pray for you too

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