What is Hot Sex? Difference of Perspective

We are writing this as a couple seeking the counsel of the collective Christian community. We have been married for 30 years and have four grown sons. We have weathered many non sexual storms in our marriage and have seen the glory of God revealed in all of those tough times.  Perhaps the most difficult storm was when one of our sons had to be airlifted to the hospital when he was severely injured in an explosion seven years ago. Looking back on all the events that have happened in our lives we have seen the hand of God in a Romans 8:28 kind of way; “All things work together for good….” We can say in all sincerity that we would not be doing what we do now to help others had we not experienced such incredible brokenness in our own lives. We have seen more than 1500 individuals come to faith in Jesus Christ and have worked with thousands of individuals who have experienced incredible pain and sorrow. The past 25 years we have taught just about every marriage curriculum there is in our church and have seen many marriages saved as a result.  Yet we have had our struggles in the area of sexuality.

I (Lou) came across MH looking for answers. I approached Denise with fear and trembling that perhaps we should brooch the subject within the safety of this anonymous community, as counseling has never been an option. So here we are. We will simply share facts and feelings in hopes of gaining valuable insight from others with a goal that our marriage will be strengthened as a result.

I (Lou) knew the first night we went out in 1985 that I wanted to marry Denise. One month later we were engaged and 11 months later we were married. I truly believed then, even as I do now, that I married way above my pay grade. Recently an associate who does not know my wife saw her picture on facebook. He jokingly said, “Your wife must be a crack addict.” “Why do you say that?” I asked. His response, “Because she is gorgeous and she married you.”  I got him back by saying that I met her when I was working at the school for the blind.  All my life I have felt like I have been living the dream. She is the fairest, most godly woman I know. She has given me four incredible sons and has stood by my side in the toughest of circumstances in life. She is the epitome of a Proverbs 31 woman. Many people who know all we have had to endure have marveled that our relationship has remained intact, saying, “the things you guys have endured would have wiped out many marriages.”

When we married Denise was a virgin. I had told her when we got engaged that I was not. I was 20 years old when I had sex with my girlfriend. I had told her I wanted to be a virgin and marry a virgin. She was not a virgin and boy did she turn up the heat; to which I eventually succumbed. When I told Denise my sexual history she thought about calling off the wedding, but through the grace of God she forgave me. In our first year of marriage we made love perhaps every other day, sometimes multiple times in a day. We waited four years to start a family and then over the course of 8 years we had four sons.  Sex slowed down to 2 or 3 times per week.  Today it is once or twice a week. Early in our marriage I wanted to explore our sexuality as husband and wife. I have always felt that when the Bible says, “the marriage bed is undefiled” that was pretty much God’s consent to have fun in the sack.  Nevertheless we were married 10 years before oral sex (no orgasm) was ever an option and it was 25 years before vaginal doggy-style position came into play.  It has only been in the past 2 years that Denise has been willing to use the F word when we make love. All of this I share as mere statements of fact. The past few years I have tried to share that we need to spice things up in the bedroom. I have asked her to do a striptease for me and to let me watch her masturbate.  She finally shared that she feels self-conscious about her body. Four 9 pound babies have left a mark. Yet I have told her throughout our lives together that she is beautiful. I have often joked with her in front of the boys.  “How old were you when you knew you were beautiful?” Yet for some reason she is not confident in her beauty. I have shared with her that modesty has no place in the bedroom; not after 30 years or even one (at least that is my opinion).

As for the masturbation, she says that she doesn’t do that and only did it one time when she was in her teens. I on the other hand masturbate every day.  If I didn’t I would be a two pump chump in bed, but as it is I last a lot longer and Denise always has orgasms from vaginal sex. I suppose in that regard I am fortunate because I understand that many women cannot orgasm from penetration alone.  I love eating her but I can only do so when she has bathed and it is only for a brief period of time and never to orgasm; her choice not mine.

In October of last year I confided to her that I had called a girl on an escort site. It scared me so bad that I hung up the phone and cried and prayed.  Denise was very upset with me. A very close friend said I can’t believe you told your wife what you did.  But I have always been a very transparent person. I have tried to be transparent with Denise in what I would like for us to do in the bed. It always seems to turn into an argument no matter how I try to approach the subject. In one of our arguments a few years ago she told me I should have married a wild woman. But two nights ago was the topper.  She shared with me that a friend had given her husband a hall pass. I thought about that the entire next day.  Why would she share that with me?  The following night I tried to initiate sex, but we got in an argument. So I went to bed confused once again about how to make things better.  She finally came to bed at 1130. I had been lying there for 90 minutes wishing that I could make love to my wife. When she came in the room I was on facebook.  She said, “You are always on the phone.” To which I responded and you are always sitting in front of the TV.  She told me that I was pouting just like my mom does when she doesn’t get her way. She then attempted to climb on top of me.  I told her I did not want mercy sex. So she got up and went back to watching TV.  Her argument is that I want sex all the time and I do not consider that she is tired.  I just can’t fathom that sex 2 or even 3 times a week for 15 minutes is “ALL THE TIME.”  She spends 10 hours a week with Steve Harvey watching Family Feud and Little Big Shots.  How is a combined total of one hour a week equated with all the time?

This morning as I was headed to the gym I was thinking about the glory of God. One day we are going to be absolutely blown away by the majesty and beauty of heaven. I have often shared with Denise that I believe the bedroom is the place where we can experience heaven on earth (not that I believe that there will be sex in heaven), but that the love and sex within Christian marriage is the one place on earth where we should for now be able to experience the majesty and beauty of what God has blessed us with.

I continue to tremble as I type these words. I am fearful of the direction our relationship is headed and even now afraid that it will cause much resentment from Denise.  I want to have an incredible relationship with my wife who I consider to be my best friend in the entire world. But we are singing different songs and I don’t know what to do about it. I am fine with sex a couple of times a week, but I would like to see more passion. I don’t like be told I am pouting like my mother. I am sad more than anything.  I adore my wife and I want us to experience intimate fulfilling love toward one another.

 

I (Denise) just feel frustrated because over the years I feel as though we have had a lot of sex. I enjoy being with my husband, but there are times as a woman I am exhausted. I feel like I give and give all day long and do not sit in front of the TV all the time. I sit at night to unwind as he sits on the phone a lot (even when we are with others). I don’t go around turning my husband down all the time – there are times when he is tired too, but it seems to be different. As a woman there are times when I just need my husband to sit and talk or just cuddle, but that usually can’t happen without turning into more.

I do feel like he pouts (I shouldn’t say like his mother), but I get so frustrated. I talk to friends who may have sex once a week or every other week. He recently had a cousin tell him that he gets it twice a month and another once every six months to a year. I’m not trying to compare, but I say this to say I thought we were doing ok. I know I should get crazier in bed, but I’ve always been very modest so to say the F word is tough and because I don’t want to do it in the rear I feel guilty. I don’t like feeling that way.

Me telling him about the woman that gave her husband a free pass was not me giving him the green light to do the same; for that would destroy our marriage, but she was saying that even though she is with her husband a lot she never felt like enough. So I guess I struggle with that too.  Just as when he called a call girl.  I wanted to walk away.

He says that he feels that I am giving him mercy sex. That’s not it – I thought 2 to 3 times a week was ok, but I need the other, just sitting and cuddling and maybe just maybe it would warm me up to pounce on him.

It’s tough right now too because he is working from home. So he is always around. I really never have a chance to miss him. Also he dips tobacco. I struggle with that because it is just downright nasty.  The other day he came up behind me in the kitchen and I turned to kiss him. It was like kissing a nasty sock. I’m struggling to write these things, but he wanted me to share. But I would love to walk up to my husband and give him a good kiss, but lately he has had dip in his mouth.

I love my husband and I thought we’ve had a good marriage. I know there are things I need to work on. So feel free to give me feedback.

From both of us, thank you for showing an interest in our story. Our goal is to have the best marriage we can and to glorify God by being faithful to one another.  Perhaps in time as we make it through this storm we can help other couples just as we have helped so many in other areas of life.  God bless you!

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25 replies
  1. Kirt says:

    For the sake of all that is holy, PLEASE stop dipping. I can't even fathom how gross it would be to kiss someone who dips. Not to mention all the health risks involved. I know it's probably a stress reliever for you but you should stop. Your wife will love your sacrifice, not to mention she'll want to kiss more often. That's my little piece of advice for you Lou. God Bless

    • Lou and Denise says:

      Kirt thanks brother. I know I need to stop dipping. I grew up in the south and went to grad school in north Carolina (heart of tobacco country). Been a habit since the age of 15. Pray that I will have the strength and desire to stop. It is a stress reliever. I work with people on the edge of life and death every day.

  2. Anonymous says:

    So much misunderstanding, but I'm glad you're seeking help.

    God's Word says that our bodies are no longer our own when we're married. (1 Cor. 7:3-5). They belong to our spouses.

    Also, God's Word commands the husband to love and honor his wife, and commands the wife to submit to her husband. (Eph. 5:28-33 & Col. 3:18-19 & 1 Pet. 3:7). Many marriage problems can be traced back to a continual power struggle between the couple. Sadly even many Christian homes have bought into the feminist dogma.

    But husbands must love and honor (esteem) their wives. Their wives must be precious to them. Not just sex objects but love objects. Hold hands. Find ways, large and small, to show her you love her. And recognize that kissing somebody with dip in their mouth is on a par with kissing somebody with a mouthful of raw onion and garlic, except less healthy.

    It's been my experience that the more I'm a Christian husband, the more willing my wife is to be a Christian wife.

    Anyway, that's the Biblical prescription. Sorry if I spoke too plainly.

    • James Morris says:

      My story is much the same. My wife and I are happily married for 31yrs. We are hi school sweethearts and we we're both virgins when we first together. We went together for almost 2yrs before were made love there was a lot of heavy petting those first 2yrs. We also have a fairly conservative sex life still on average twice a week down from 3-5 over the years there has been a slow decline. But I'm still much more active then my wife and we struggle with the same complaints. Except I just have bad breath and she's tired also perimenopse has been in the mix for awhile. I love my wife she loves me. We're in it for the long haul but it takes both of us trying in many different ways give and take. God bless you guys and know that love is very strong. Oh and by the way kissing is a better stress reliever than chewing

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      You don't need to be sorry for plainly saying the truth and telling what the Bible says. To many people aren't willing to do things God's way in today's world. But I love how you pointed out the husband's responsibility as well as the wife's. There is also mutual submission which is mentioned just before wives submitting to husband (Ephesians 5:21) God bless

  3. Anonymous says:

    I don't have a lot of time…but. Buddy get rid of the stupid phone and the tobacco. Start listening to her and being someone she wants to touch. Then after that is done and is part of your life ( not just for a day) Start talking about the sex. Sorry for the directness…. and some of this could apply to me also. I see myself in you a bit. But with change in you and time and communication i think you can move forward on this together.

  4. CMLove says:

    I admire you both for asking for help and advice. And what a terrific and transparent idea to both write on the same post! I will keep you both in prayer. The only thing I can think to say is that i believe it is unwise to compare yourselves to other couples and that I think the best thing to do is keep praying about this TOGETHER. You can't have good sex if youre frustrated with each other. Maybe stop focusing on having good sex or more sex and rather focus more on being playful friends and growing closer to Christ so that He can help you over your own insecurities. God is good and He loves you more than you know! He will handle things if we let Him. Again, I admire your transparency! God will bless that!

  5. loveithot says:

    Appreciate your communication and honesty. There is obviously a desire to navigate this which I commend. I think God takes great pleasure in us 'bearing with one another' as well as in us enjoying and esteeming one another. Lou, I think your sex drive and desire for your wife is the same as most husbands. I think it would be worth trying to harness that sex drive and channel it towards loving on Denise by doing things that might help her be less tired throughout the day as well as things like the occasional complimentary text, flowers, hidden note, surprise date, cuddling or massage. We only have sex about 5 times a month at the moment with primary age kids and busy lives but the quality and love and closeness during the month and during sex has never been higher. For me, it helped to learn the 'conditions' that helped my wife to be in the mood. I also have encouraged her with erotic letters and buying her lingerie and general compliments and playful desire which have increased her sexual confidence. Denise, you sound amazing and I'm not sure what the 'block' might be. Being tired is okay however I think if a husband or wife is consistently 'too tired' maybe some priorities need to shift or maybe the lack of desire and reasons for it need to be clearly communicated and worked through. A male consistently hearing 'too tired' can easily feel rejected. To help Lou heal and take positive action maybe be brutally honest about your reason as 'too tired' disempowers your Man to be able to support or help in any way except leave you alone to rest. Re being self conscious this can be understandable as my wife is a little since children as well. I promise you that to a man 95% of sexiness is in a woman's confidence. Sounds to me like Lou still thinks you're the hottest woman on his planet. If you're subconscious about particular parts of your body dim the lighting a little, remain partly dressed or wear lingerie that reveals the parts you're happy with and hides the parts you're not. Many women don't understand that though they physically might not be as attractive to the world as they were in their twenties that they actually become more attractive to their 'Man' over time because of the bond between them. Lastly I strongly encourage both of you to repent from any comparison behaviour or thinking….it is a huge trap we can all easily fall into. Focus all that energy on each other. One last one Denise….as much as possible let Lou love on you. You are worthy of being loved on, perved on, desired, hungered for and pleasured by your husband. If you can relax a little and allow him to bring you to an orgasm from oral I think you would both really enjoy it. If there's something else you really want sexually you might be able to just tell Lou…he seems pretty keen and able to please. My wife was also self conscious about jilling off in front of me before but has since realised how much it turns me on and is willing to play along even though she doesn't fully understand it. Praying for you guys and trust your openness will be a blessing to both of you. The best years of your marriage and sex life are still ahead of you!

  6. Raz says:

    I understand where you are both coming from. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 30 years. Over the years her sex drive has diminished quite a bit. We have had plenty of discussions about it and the frustrations i feel. She said she wished she was different but she just has a low sex drive.To be honest reading about the randy wives on this site just increased my frustration. She tried to get into it more for my benefit but when it was forced and not natural I found it didn't work for me either. So I prayed about it and found the answer wasn't in her changing it was me. Apart from the low sex drive she is the perfect woman … stunningly beautiful, she's 50 but looks 35, the kindest most compassionate woman I know, she never nags me (no its true) which is a rare gift and we have only had 2 arguments in 30 Yeats. She is just a joy to be around. I realised I needed to appreciate what I had instead of what I didn't. She hates the first bomb and giving oral so why would I try to get her to do something that made her uncomfortable. Fortunately she loves getting oral and I love giving it to her. So I started focusing on being satisfied and on what she wanted. When we do make love it's because she is in the mood too and I take the time to focus on her beautiful body and the joy it gives me and the deep connection we have instead of the fact that I'm not getting a blow job. You know what suddenly the sex got better. She is more responsive more often

  7. ServantLeader says:

    Wow! First I admire your transparency posting on the same post. Next the comments are instructive for all of us in similar unions. I know in my own marriage, sex itself became an idol. That didn't work. A Godly woman can see when a man doesn't love the Lord first. Then my wife herself became my idol. That didn't work either for the same reason. A Godly woman desires her man to love the Lord first above her. Loving her the way she desired to be loved became more important, and more satisfying than sex itself. The sex naturally followed. Some sacrifices will be easy for you, such as giving up tobacco. Other sacrifices will be more unclear at the beginning, yet even more rewarding as you discover them, and she sees your willingness to lay down your life for her. I identified with your comments about heaven, for as great as the mystery of sexual intimacy is in the context of the marriage covenant, worshiping our Lord forever will be unfathomably better!

  8. Juicy says:

    WOW! How vulnerable of you both to share so openly and seek perspective from others. I have "only" been married for half the time you have been so I feel somewhat hesitant to even reply, but this story has struck me. It is absolutely amazing that in this post, the two of you have been so clear in your needs, your desires, and your frustrations with one another, and I am presuming that you have shared all of these things with one another before this. You are well aware of how each one feels about these struggling aspects in your marriage. Perhaps it is about submission, both of you to one another, to put the other first, no matter how irritating it is, and even if you are the one that deserves to be submitted to. To take the seemingly insurmountable first step to meeting the others needs above your own is difficult.

    Just this past week, my husband was insensitive to me and seeing how my love language is words, it cut to the core of my being. I know that he really didn't mean it but I was unforgiving because I needed the hurt to subside. I even took the step and slept on the couch so I wouldn't have to be near him. He leaves for work before I get up so we went the entire day without speaking. Over the course of the day I thought a lot, and the truth is, he was wrong, and he hurt me, but I didn't want it to ruin our coming weekend plans and affect my feelings for him. I decided to not only forgive, but to move on and rely on the foundation that I loved him more than I needed to be mad at him. He came home asking for forgiveness, admitting his wrong, and I in turn asked for his forgiveness and said I wanted to move on. This is not near the severity of what the two of you are going through, and I don't want to minimize your issues.

    But there have been many times in my marriage where we have been nothing short of broken and unsure if we could recover, but by the grace of God, we have survived. But it was a lot of bending, compromising, and allowing ourselves to be hurt for the sake of our loved one. We wanted to save our marriage and we needed to do some difficult things to make that happen. I had to choose to serve my husband, even when it hurt me to do so, and do what I could to make his life easier. And over time, it became easier to serve him and then things began to change and he began to serve me too. Eventually we naturally moved towards servant thinking, always considering how the other feels, the needs of the other, etc. We have learned how to express our needs to one another and to talk through them and come to a solution. There is serious compromises at times and sometimes we don't agree but we unite despite it.

    We have had issues with intimacy, especially me in the last few years (I wrote a story on here a few weeks ago) where my sex drive was through the roof and we had to figure out how to handle it. At first, there was no sex! Then it became explosive all the time sex, and now we have reached a balance. But it was difficult. I had to be patient and wait for sex, or masturbate, and my husband had to learn how to adjust to "servicing me" more frequently and regularly. It was a rough period of time for the both of us but we made it through.

    When I have learned to be gracious in my marriage, I have received more joy in my life. By allowing God to come through me to teach me to be more servant-minded, loving, patient, and malleable, I have become a better wife. It came down to submission, not only to my husband, but also to myself, and especially to God. I think that the both of you already KNOW all of this, but perhaps you haven't really had to PRACTICE and put it into action.

  9. Raz says:

    Woops hit the key before I'd finished. So to continue. She is more responsive and our sex life is becoming more passionate again. Last night she came soon after I entered her which hasn't happened in a long time. But the change was in my attitude not hers. Make your attitude about your love for all that's good about her not your need to get your desires fulfilled. Do that and you will find the temptation for porn or other stuff such as affairs or call girls will diminish too. I hope she forgives you for that phone call as a guy it's tough as most blokes here will agree. For those of us who have never succumbed it's "there but for the grace of God go I". To your wife I say He didn't go through with it and he confessed so forgive and move on as the temptation is much tougher than you will ever know especially if you feel unloved because you feel sexually rejected. Us guys simply need two things to feel loved in a marriage
    To be well fed and we'll f***ed. The rest we can deal with whatever the circumstances.
    And one final piece of advice brother. Loose the chewing tobacco. I wouldn't get near my wife if my breath was like a rabid pit bull.

  10. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Lou – I agree get rid of the tobacco right now, it's dirty and disgusting, and I understand your wife being disgusted by it not to mention that it's bad for you too. With the sex, your wife is blessed – I, too, have orgasms from vaginal sex but first make sure your wife knows she is loved. Tell her you love her, show her you love her. Give her compliments, things like that. A little goes a long way. And good on you for coming to your senses about the escort and telling your wife, and while I understand your wife's reaction, you did well to be honest and that's so important.

    Denise – Try not to nag your husband, and yes don't compare him to his mother. We're supposed to build up our husbands and submit to them. That said both spouses are to submit to each other (Ephesians 5:21-33). So don't bring your husband down, and while I most certainly agree with your disgust about the tobacco, be nice about it. Talk calmly about it. I also get you being upset when he called the escort I'd be too. But at least he told you and didn't go through with it so that's big. It's worse when they don't because that's dishonest. God makes a way out for us.

    God keep you both safe

  11. PassionateForChrist says:

    I so love this post and all the comments – the wisdom and practical, loving advice shared from the MH community right here is priceless! I can't add anything to it from experience yet myself but reading through it all I wholeheartedly agree with what the married brothers and sisters in Christ have shared here. Thank you so much Denise and Lou for having taken the bold step to share this part of your story of marriage with us here!! As a single Christian woman, all of what is shared here is so invaluable to me, especially in light of gaining greater understanding still on the different perspectives and perceptions man and woman, husband and wife can have/experience. Your bold step here is a source of great help to many who'll receive what is shared – it sure is to me, even while still being single. Thank you!! God bless you!!! <3

  12. asm says:

    In my first marriage sex was about 4-6 times a year. I used to think I'd be happy with once a month! My ex would not let me stimulate her manually. For her, sex had to follow a certain formula and oral sex was a no no until one day she got into it. She had started reading romance novels and that got her interested. At first I thanked the romance novels, but she became addicted to them. She read them every spare minute. It was an obsession. She started to complain about my sexual performance. I couldn't compare to the fantasy men in her books. This was not the cause of my divorce, more like a symptom of a marriage gone bad. I convinced her to see three different marriage counselors, She walked out and refused to return after a few sessions with each one. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have a wife who loves you and you have a sex life. You are in a good position to work things out together.

  13. Jolly Giant says:

    Some of us would love 2-3 times a month. Worship the ground your wife walks on Lou you did land a winner! Married for 22 years and it is just not worth the fight to beg her to do something she is uncomfortable about. Slowly my wife has warmed up over the years and we do have an amazing sex life even if it is less frequently than I desire. My kids are young still so that takes a lot out of her. I too marred above my pay grade!

  14. Lou and Denise says:

    I was going to try and respond to everyone individually, but I have a fairly hectic life and Denise is in the bed now. I think she is wanting to mess around. I have been traveling for work the past two days. So I will be brief. We wrote this post a few days prior to our anniversary get away on June 14, but it did not get approved and published till six days later. We had a beautiful time together for our 30th celebration. We have some new post which will come out in the next few days. I will just say for now that it was hot, hot hot.

    I greatly appreciate all the words of wisdom and the tremendous encouragement that you all are. This evening when I got home from my trip I read your responses to Denise and I think that is why she is now in the bed wanting to get it on. So THANK YOU and GOD BLESS!

    • Juicy says:

      Looking forward to hearing how things are going with the two of you! Day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, marriage is work. Great to hear that you are both committed to your union and putting in effort.

  15. SIbelus says:

    Biggest flag as I read this – counseling is not an option. You;re going to get some fair thoughts and advise here, but none of what's been written or what will be written is going to solve your issues. You need to go to a counselor who can unpack this from both your perspectives, get to the core and help you progress. Why is this not an option?

    Guessing small community, your position in the church or small community? Translated that's access and pride / reputation. You really willing to subjugate your marital happiness for these things? There are online services for counseling now if you are in a remote area. As for the latter, neither of those should rise above your desire for happiness.

    Even though you may have a resurgence mentioned in your last post, I can't get beyond the fact that there is an underlying lack of intimacy and understanding that is playing in the background of all this. I sense that sometimes you rise above it and other times in your relationship falls below it. If riding the was works for you that's fine, but you need to fix this by digging in.

    Sorry to be blunt, really not my nature, but really solving this requires honesty and work. Courage and blessings to you both.

    • Lou and Denise says:

      Slebelus Thanks for sharing. Denise was not interested for a long time in going to counseling because she did not know how important the sexual aspect of our relationship was to me as a man. I on the other hand did go to counseling, primarily because of PTSD; I am in the military. It helped me to understand the importance of expressing myself which I have done with this post and Denise was willing to join me in the effort. I can honestly say that sharing what we have on MH is far better than any counseling I have ever done at $150 an hour. I am not opposed to counseling it just seems that by the two of us working together to make this post we accomplished in a very short time what counseling would have taken much longer to accomplish. I got instant feedback that I need to stop dipping and I am working on that with all my heart and Denise has been incredible in the sack since we wrote the post and had a follow up discussion a few days later. (She has a post due to publish soon that was hot). It really boils down to lovingly expressing needs which we have done here in and as a couple on road trips and our recent anniversary.

      We are really much stronger than I guess it would appear to be from our post. But we are also very much aware of the temptation that can befall any marriage regardless of how strong it is. I certainly almost fell into that trap. But it wasn't so much because of Denise as it was my own stupidity. I did seek counseling after that and have men that I am accountable to, one is a pastor, the other an army chaplain.

      God is good and He is working in both of us to make our marriage even better. I have always felt that for the past 30 years I have been living the dream. Incredible non sexual stressors caused me to lose sight of the blessing that I have in my wife, but God has restored that joy and given me great passion for Denise.

      Thanks for your concern. God Bless, Lou

    • CMLove says:

      Beautiful and humble replies, Lou. And Thank you so much for your service to our country and to our Lord. I'm so encouraged through you and your wife! May God continue to bless!

  16. Moviefan2k4 says:

    I'm not married, so take my advice with a grain of salt if you like. That said, here it is…

    First, drop the dipping. Switch to bubble gum, chips, breath mints…ANYTHING but tobacco. I have some relatives who chew that garbage, and it sickens me to see them spit all the time.

    Second, I want to congratulate you both. The fact you're willing to discuss your problems with each other proves you haven't given up. To use popular phrase, my best advice would be to "pray, pray, and pray again". I'm 35 and single, and I cannot tell you how depressing that is from my point of view. I can't even release the pressure myself without my heart and mind going back to memories of past sins; prayer's one of the few things that stops the constant bitterness I feel. Its not some church-pew "Oh, Lordeth" crap, either; more like, "Greater are you in me, Jesus, than Satan who's in the world! You promised no condemnation, for those who are Yours; help me believe You! I renounce and denounce Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub…whatever name he chooses, he's still a liar! Help me lean on You, God, instead of him or myself!"

    Thirdly, I'd suggest seeking out a Christian counselor, who will be impartial and direct you both toward God more than anyone else. I saw one for about two years, and she helped me believe I wasn't alone in my suffering.

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