A Moment Like This

Twelve years old, how could he?

This is a post that is going to bring back hurtful memories but I’m willing to share to you all.

Back in 2005, I was this innocent twelve year old. There I was sitting on the couch watching tv; then he came into the room.

I grew nervous and moved away from him when he sat next to me.

No, I thought to myself. Don’t let him do this to you.

This time it was different, more serious.

Instead of just touching me, he was now dry humping me.

If I had not have pushed him off of me and ran out of the room, I would have been raped.

You hear it on the news but you don’t really fully understand how it feels until it happens to you. I always thought, “It’ll never happen to me. How could they just let them do that to them?”

But that’s not the case, either they can’t get away or they are afraid.

I was afraid and by the grace of God I got away.

It happened for five months up until the last time he touched me. I will always remember it.

He pinned me to the floor and tried to kiss me. I slapped him and ran out of the house.

When he left, my world turned.

Through my teen years I was not the same. I wore dark makeup, fell in love with guys who just wanted to be in my pants, drank, and lost my faith in God.

I cried for months and fell in love with a guy but I learned that I loved him and that I just wanted comfort. (A guy before my husband.)

I was scared to be in a relationship. Nearly gave my life to the devil.

But then I realized, it wasn’t my fault.

I gave my life to Christ again. Though I’m married and it’s been eleven years, I still have flashbacks. I’ve accepted that this is my life.

If this has happened to you, pray for that person who did the crime.

My ending ended with me restoring my faith and him getting away with it.

Don’t be afraid. God is with you, God bless you all!

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19 replies
  1. Janic says:

    Don't just pray for the molestor. Forgive him, set him free and ask Father God to bless him.
    By doing the forgiveness you release and set yourself free. Keep doing it untill you can think of him without experiencing hostile feelings or emotions towards him. Always forgive yourself and God for allowing this to have happened.

  2. copen1 says:

    No, it most certainly was not you're fault. You are a strong and brave person. Struggling is not failing. When I read this, I see courage and determination. You should be proud of the person you have become. You made the right choice.

  3. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    It most certainly isn't. As you know, both my husband and myself have been molested, and by God's grace we got through it and enjoyed a great sex life. I'm so sorry it happened to you, my dear. God will deal with those who have hurt you, in the meantime, forgive for your sake and give yourself permission to be joyous. God bless you, darling.

    • Jessa says:

      Your post about what happened to you and your husband is what inspired me to tell everyone about what happened to me. I had to think about sharing it for a while and prayed about it and decided that I should and I should help certain people about forgiveness and more.

      Thank you for all the support, you have been a big motivator. God bless you!

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      Aww thanks darling, but God is the biggest motivator of all. God bless you too, sweetie and you are a brave woman <3

  4. R Dub says:

    Jessa, God bless you for sharing that. Had to be very hard to do. Sharing your hurtful past is sure to be a blessing to many! Thanks for your courage.

  5. ServantLeader says:

    Thank you for sharing the depth of your pain. As a husband of a woman this happened to, neither of us did the work of forgiveness. Neither of us understood what happened. Consequently, we didn't survive together. Unfortunately, your story if far too common. Continue to forgive. Don't let the deceiver rob you of the joy of what the Creator designed sex to be.

    • Jessa says:

      Sorry to hear that. Sex is incredible and my deceiver will ever take away what the joy of sex is. God bless you and your wife!

  6. Jessa says:

    There's somethings I didn't mention that I want to share as well.

    I never told my parents and they still don't know because I just don't want them to know about what happened.

    My former best friend used to tell me to tell everyone so that my molester would not molest anyone else.

    I grew terrified and felt so much pressure and felt like if I didn't come out and tell everyone that those future victims (Praise the Lord that there wasn't any.) and thought that everyone would think of me differently, eventually after threats of telling my mother I broke it off with her.

    It was my choice to tell my parents so I said no.

    God bless you all and love you all so dearly! -Jessa

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      I don't want to come across negative in any way but are you sure you wouldn't want to tell your mom and dad, and bring this sicko to justice? Has he been brought to justice? It might help if you tell, it might give you some relief.

      I have another post that describes more of what happened to us, and how we got through it so if you want you can read that if you haven't already. It's called "It happened to both of us".

      We told our parents, and they supported us, and they helped to bring those who did it to us to justice. It's up to you though, I'm just stating my own experience. Blessings, dear <3

    • Jessa says:

      I decided that I wasn't going to tell them years ago but finally made my decision when I got married because I didn't want anymore drama. As a mother I would be so devastated and hurt but my parents are in their 70s (yes they had me in their fifties.) so I don't want any drama.

      I wish I had told them but decided that I would keep it to myself and my soulmate.

      The man is related to me and the last time I saw him was when I was pregnant with Michael. A few days before his birth actually.

      He had been in jail for about nine years apparently (my friend did research). From what I heard he never committed any sexual crime before/after me.

      He was never brought to justice and I already knew his life was headed downhill. Sadly.

      I appreciate your concerns and questions. You didn't come off negative at all. God is also a big motivator in life and also watches over everyone. I know that God protected me and that since it has already been a decade since this, I also think that why would I look at my past and dwell on it? I have children who bring happiness in my life!

      God bless you and your family! Don't forget your expecting twin grand babies!

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      God bless you too, and how could I possible forget? They're due next month! God is good to us, my dear! <3 You're special

    • Jessa says:

      August is right around the corner! As they say 'double trouble!' I don't believe in that saying since i know people who have twins and they entertain each other so happy twins, happy life lol!

    • Jessa says:

      Those babies will be here in no time! I can't believe that tomorrow Michael will be three weeks, so much as happened since but I'm keeping my head up and focusing on my life and faith! God bless!!

    • Harper Shelby Thornton says:

      More grand-kids to spoil! I don't think they'll be trouble. God bless you too, dear!

  7. Belleame says:

    Oh, Jessa, I am so sorry you had to go through this! It breaks my heart that this happens so much. But really it makes some sort of sense when you think about how much the devil wants to destroy the goodness God created; sex, marriages, family, ect. You are not alone Jessa! Thank you for being raw with this community! It's taken years to have healing in my life from my own abused past, and I'm still working on it, but so worth it to enjoy God's gift. I hope you can keep growing closer in your walk with our Heavenly Father! ❤️

    • Jessa says:

      I'm praying for you, God is the only one who can help us heal, us humans are here for support!

      Over these past two weeks, I have gotten closer to God! God bless!

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