Discussion thoughts so we all can learn from each other

I am writing this as a discussion producer. In other words, I look forward to hearing people’s comments and discussion topics about what makes sex so hot. Is it the pleasures involved, or just having an orgasm that makes it hot? Or, is there more than that?

I personally believe IT IS more than that. Great Sex, to me, should involve 2 things:

    1. The mind.
    2. The pleasure of it.

To me, the mind is just as important as the pleasure of great sex.

SEX IN THE MIND

I can think of 3 things that help make sex so hot in my mind:

1. PRIVILEGE   (getting to do something that most people do not get to do)

The privilege is a huge turn on to me.

Look at what each of us write about on MarriageHeat.

Great stories like “Teasing in Public”, or one writer’s story about sex outside on a boat, or the

writer who wrote the very hot story about how she played with herself in the hallway of a

motel.

What makes these stories sooo hot? It is the privilege of getting to do something that most

people do not get to do. And, when each partner comes up with their own ideas, the other

partner feels the privilege of doing that. It makes theirlove for their partner increase

because that partner is coming up with things that most people do not get to do. Hence, we feel

that our partner is very special.

These feelings of privilege seem to make you feel young again. They bring about new energy

into our lives.

 

  2. AMAZED THAT THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, which also includes lots of hoping, when it first starts happening,  that this goes farther.  These thoughts, and hopes of how far will this go are very sensual, and usually bring on, what I call,.  sexual tingles.    And, if more and more keeps happening,  I am amazed at how much of an extreme turn on this is.

“I’ m amazed that my wife just stripped on the boat and is playing with herself.    I wonder how

         far she is going to take this?” You keep wondering, step by step, how much farther will this go?

 

  3. Many times it is kind of a SEDUCING type of thing, which usually starts with one of the spouses taking            the lead.

 

Most of the stories I have read on marriageheat have one person taking the lead in seducing the other person.  When you are being  seduced by your partner, it makes you feel important, and wanted.

For a woman, sex in the mind might be that her husband is showing how badly he wants her,  or feeling like her husband thinks she is very sexy.    It could also be when she takes the lead with ideas that she is  helping her husband to know that she does things for him that most women might never do for their husbands.

I would love to hear women’s thoughts about sex in the mind, and what they think about it.

Again, look at ANY of the hot stories that are shared on marriageheat. What is the pattern that makes it so hot?  It will usually be something that taps into sex in the mind and at least the 3 things I mentioned.

 

THE PLEASURE OF IT

To me, pleasure is much more than the orgasm.  In fact, the longer I can “edge” before an orgasm, the better sex is for me.   Edging is a term that means on the brink of an orgasm, but calming down enough to continue feeling the pleasures just before the orgasm.

I am not sure how edging works for a woman, so I would love to hear a woman’s viewpoint on this. But, for me ( a guy,   edging is sooo hot.   It allows me to feel the sexual feelings for a long time.   Precum flows heavily from me the longer the edging lasts.    Later, when the orgasm happens, the edging makes the orgasm even better.  (like an explosion)   It is the ultimate sexual experience.

For example, if my wife is stroking me in a way that she is edging me,  my cum will shoot even farther up my belly.  At  times, it has even hit my chin.   She always enjoys seeing that.   She gets a big smile on her face and then loves to talk about how far it shot.

But, this does not happen with a 10 minute stroking session. It happens because she took the time to do different things to me so that it brought me to the brink of orgasm several times.  Each time when I was close to cumming, she would then let me calm down some so that I did not orgasm yet.    Usually, she does this by shifting her focus to massaging my balls, which is very pleasurable for me, but does not bring me to orgasm.  By doing that, it allows the incredible sexual feelings to continue, but not to the point of an orgasm.

Pleasure is all about knowing what the husband, or the wife physically loves.  Some women love their breasts sucked and played with.   For some of those women, it is like a line that goes directly to their pussy. In other words, playing with their breasts makes them extremely wet. Unfortunately for me, my wife gets ticklish when I suck her nipples. (which I really wish was not the case)  I just have to accept that about her, and instead, find other things that turn her body on.

For me, my asshole is a very, very sexual area.  It gives me lots of pleasure when touched,  rubbed, or even teased.  So, as each spouse learns all of the physical pleasures that we can give to our spouse, this becomes the second part of great sex.

SUMMARY

So, again, I look at the pattern of the sex stories on marriageheat to try to see why the stories are such a turn on.   Then I find myself asking things like  “What if we could take the REASON WHY the story is hot, and make it a part of anything we did with our partner?”   In other words, is there a pattern of  why the stories are hot?

For example,  is there the same pattern involved with “Sex in the car”,   or “Taking erotic photos of each other,” or  “Sex outside,”   or “Teasing in public,”   or “Role playing,”  or “Strip poker,”  or “massaging our spouse,”  or  “secretly rubbing on each other in a restaurant,” etc.?   Do they all involve the same patterns on what turns us on so much?   And, are we using the same pattern in all of these things, but giving that pattern some variety?  (one time we are role playing, and the next time we are teasing in public)

And, what if we truly knew all the physical things that are partner loved?   When we combine having have sex in the mind, as well as great pleasures,  is that what makes for a great sex life?

I would LOVE to hear other people’s insights, as well as any discussion thoughts on any of this.   I think we can all learn from each other.

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3 replies
  1. joydaddy says:

    First of all, to your original question, “what makes sex so hot?”, I would say that God does. I have to believe the hottest most satisfying sex is enjoyed by those who worship God and enjoy it within his boundaries and with recognition that it is His gift to us. I am sure many of you others would agree with this, but my wife and I are closing in on 25 years of marriage (which just as a rough estimate based on our patterns means we have made love probably 2000-3000 times) and sex just keeps getting better. We seem to keep growing sexually in pleasuring each other little by little, and the latest addition we have made is often praying in a worshipful way during sex (and I don’t mean the “Oh God!” exclamations at climax). We will thank God for the pleasurable feelings, our partner and their pleasures, their body parts that we are enjoying, the anticipation and the fulfillment etc.

    That said, I agree with much of what you are saying and would just make a couple additions. First of all, regarding the role of the mind in sexual pleasure, I would agree this plays a major part in the anticipation of your sexual enjoyment with your spouse as well as the thoughts you have during your actual time together. This is why I feel it is of utmost important that your focus is on your spouse and God. If I find myself reading a MH story and thinking about the posted picture or about any other woman or about some pleasure that I know would never happen in our particular relationship, I realize it is time to take a break or move on to another story. The hottest ones to me are the ones I could pass on to my wife and say, “Do you want to try this? Doesn’t it sound fun? For me that is where the “privilege” and “this is actually happening to me” thoughts come in to play. I have the privilege of having this woman fulfill my sexual fantasies, and yes, what I have thought about for the past few days to turn me on is now actually happening.

    For me, I believe it is an important prelude to when we make love that I am fantasizing about my wife only, her body, what we will enjoy together. From a past of looking at porn, my wife cannot live up to the worldly expectation of what a woman should look like, what she should perform, the size of her tits, and shapeliness of her curves, etc, but she is the only woman I get to actually take part in the enjoyment of. Therefore, I fantasize about her, I look at my picture collection of her, I encourage her to flirt and excite me, because as beautiful or shapely a naked woman on the computer my look, I cannot have her to fulfill what starts going on in my mind. I can have my wife, she can do everything I desire that we both enjoy, so I look on her as the sexiest woman in the world. In fact, I would prefer other men not find her attractive in a sexual way, because they don’t get the “privilege” I do. I prayer other godly spouses can view each other the same way.

    As far as enjoying the pleasure during sex, I would agree it is the building up, “edging,” and pleasuring each other that are the ultimate parts of our sex life, which also has improved over the years. The orgasms are great, but are more like the final admission that “my desires have been fulfilled, let’s finish and get some sleep.” We have gotten into a pattern of routinely making love twice a week (Monday and Friday nights), and though there is little spontaneous about the “when,” I think we enjoy lots of variety in the “how” and sometimes “where.” As I anticipate and plot out those evenings, I rarely think about what position I want to orgasm in and focus on that. I am planning what different things we will partake in leading up to that. We rarely have quickies in our sex life, because it is all about the leading up to orgasm and not the orgasm. While my wife is not multi-orgasmic, she does orgasm almost every time we make love and can orgasm with intercourse most often. She often reaches her boiling over point long before I am ready to be done enjoying her, so she has the wonderful ability to stay near her orgasmic peak, often for several minutes and through position changes, until I cum in her. She is most turned on by my orgasm so that she finally allows herself to let go when I do. We don’t always cum together, but when we do we have become pretty coordinated at inching closer and closer as we verbally encourage each other about how good it feels and will feel at the finish. So, yes, the orgasms are wonderful, but it is all the time enjoying everything else leading up to it that is the ultimate.

    In summary, I would agree great sex is the combination of your mind and physical pleasures being stimulated and then topped off by God’s blessing of your marriage activities together.

  2. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Lovely to hear from you again, GCMS 🙂 I agree with joydaddy, God is the one who not only created sex, but He gave us the imagination so the sky's the limit! 😀 There can be different things at different times that makes sex great. Sometimes we like it when it's intimate and calm, and other times when it's full of passion, hot and steamy, it's different, and my husband & I always liked that variety, from it being about intimacy, to just needing some good hot sex 😉 Either way it's equally satisfying, and there's no mistaking the love and fireworks! God bless!

  3. sheisthebest60 says:

    I would totally agree with the author of this topic for discussion when it was said that sex between a husband and wife is more intense and more complete when "the mind" is involved. Some (many) of the most pleasurable sexual interludes between my wife and I have been those times that not simply the physical (sexual) interactions singularly were acted on, but rather the physical was combined with the mental aspect of sex. What makes my wife desire to have sex with me? What are those thoughts that she has prior to and during sex? What are those things that she keeps to herself concerning her sexual thoughts and desires? All of these topics, at one time or another, she and I have talked about both outside of the bedroom as well as in the bedroom during our naked and alone times. The revelations that have come out when asking the base questions noted above have been some of the most intimate and intensely complete times she and I have had. There is an element of getting the most out of "the gift" when the mental aspect of sex is shared. Both my wife and I, over the years, have revealed thoughts that we have or had, that have not only been the foundation of drawing us closer to each other, but have led to expanding on those things that we do for and with each other. Sharing the mental side of sex between one another eliminates questions like: would she allow that to be done? Or is she okay with this or that? And the same holds true for her as well when I've shared with her my most private thoughts' and views on what I want or what I feel is not wrong but, with inhibitions, permissible. Like the old TV advertisement said; "the mind is a terrible thing to waste." This is certainly true when it comes to realizing the highest levels of intense intimacy.

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