I just wanted to share that this following story was originally intended to be completed over six months ago but due to some unforeseen circumstances namely a death in my family, I just didn’t have the energy to complete this but I want to finish what I started because this was of great benefit to me and it will be of great benefit to other couples too.
Please read the first part http://www.marriageheat.com/2016/03/05/marriage-experiment-subject1/ if you haven’t done so already or if you need a refresher. Also please I request that there will be some strong language and terms so my apologies and reader’s discretion is advised
Over the next several weeks I met with Richard and Sandy to truly understand what they found as they described an exciting and life changing experience, they told me they were both raised in strict Christian homes where sex talk was taboo and everything was no because God wouldn’t want you to do that. Sandy described being scared as her body was developing in her teen years to ask questions because her mother may strike her for asking a question, Richard was your typical jock who played football and went to church several times a week but he felt that he never really fit in. Richard and Sandy went to the same college and met early on through a mutual friend as they were the only ones not having sex according to their friends so they should hang out, they soon spent more time away from home meaning no parents to tell them what to do meaning they steered away from God.
I told my wife everything that was going on and our conversations and she decided that next time she would come along as it may help to have a female there as well in case Sandy felt to ashamed to speak of her past as my wife said women’s intuition told her she should be there based on my notes. So next meeting as was customary we met at Starbucks but they invited us to their home which was not too far from there, we got a shock when entered their home they had children as they never mentioned them or had we seen them at any of the parties we would see them at. Ages ranged from 11,9,5 so I asked why had we never seen them before and they said in case they met a couple they wanted to swing with it was easier to seal the deal with no kids, I asked so do they always look for hookups everywhere they go and they said with no hesitation YES! So here is where they opened up more and conversation became more graphic.
I asked ok tell me about what steered you both to swinging they said that Marriage was great but they both felt like a spark was missing especially after baby#2 , they tried everything from sex toys, role play, even porn that’s where I stopped and said porn? Yes Sandy said I let Richard get worked up watching porn and then he would be ready to go, I said I’m sorry but that sounds crazy was Richard not reacting to you, Sandy said no I had baby weight so I was unattractive so I didn’t blame him. My wife said how about some counseling maybe that would have helped but Sandy shot that down fast as they are all useless and judgmental and they all just want your money. Finally a mutual friend of theirs suggested swinging and took them to a swing party where as Sandy described it was like Disneyland for sex, they were just casual observers that night but went home and had hot sex. Richard thought it was just voyeurism but soon they both discovered that they needed more than to be casual watchers so they went to a swingers club and started as just soft swap which is just kissing other couples, touching, even sometimes oral. Richard said he felt a rush when he saw Sandy orally pleasuring other men and women, I’m just listening and writing because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing they were becoming regulars with nothing off limits until they finally took ultimate leap 6 months later and decided to full swap which was have sex with another couples significant other. Sandy could be with as many as 4 men a night where everything was on the table sexually from two men at a time to two men and two women while Richard watched or was off somewhere else doing the same. I want to stop here just to let that all sink in because the next couple of details surprised me as to why you would continue this lifestyle, at the time of the interview they had been active for 6yrs now remember I mentioned that youngest child was 5 well there was a time that they thought Sandy was pregnant from one their so called playmates because lots of the time they were engaging in unprotected sex. I asked if that possibly made them think twice about doing this they both answered yes but decided that from now on they would be more careful and be exclusive with who they had unprotected sex with and Sandy to take birth control, they did stop from Sandy’s second trimester until she gave birth then went right back 3 months after their youngest was born.
I at this point was completely emotional drained and called it a night, I will document the end result of this experiment within the next week or so but I can say this made me really sad how lost these two were because they spoke like as if this was normal and had saved their marriage you will see that this instead made them grow farther apart and how it affected their children.