My wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have a great relationship but like many long-term couples we got to a point where our bedroom life was being neglected.
One day I wrote down my fantasies that I have and wondered what it would be like to share them with my wife. I started to feel empty about our sex life as I have a high sex drive and my wife could have sex once or twice a month and be fine.
My passion grew so great one day that I opened up, I mean spilled the beans. I told her how often I masturbated, what my top erotic fantasies were and went through a list of things I’d like to try together- role play, going to a topless beach, etc.
To my surprise my wife didn’t get mad or sad, she listened and that’s amazing support.
Now if you look up male top fantasies, well there’s usually a clear #1 followed by several other common fantasies.
I’m no different than most guys – so I guess God made us to have this threesome fantasy. To me, it’s just a fantasy- I have no intention or desire to make it come true as my heart is with Christ.
However, when it’s time to get in the mood this is a go to for me. But I wanted to share it with my wife, I wanted to grow together through Christ and become truly one with her as Christ planned- and I had absolutely no idea where this might go by bringing it up. But, what’s the worst that could happen- sex once or twice a month as usual?
After the conversation, we had passionate sex for a few nights in a row and when that spark started to burn out I wrote a few fantasy stories for her to read. I don’t think she got much out of those so I suggested we look at images together. So, we looked at topless beach pictures and enjoyed looking at those together. We had some passionate moments and as a usual guy, I kept pushing the envelope. LOL!
So, it’s been a process – but I’m determined to not stop until we reach a certain level of intimacy – even though I don’t know what that is. Probably talking about fantasies together, role playing, something like that. Really, whatever turns her on would be fine with me.
As our conversations went deeper, I found out that my wife had never masturbated. We had talked about how much I’d like to watch her one day, but then I realized she had never done that and a lot of my sexual learning and desires came from masturbation. So, I changed course and thought she may find sex more interesting if she discovered her own sexuality and enjoyment from sex. So, one day I went to the store and bought roses and spread them out across the bed and opened several marriage heat stories that I thought she’d like. I wrote a love letter and left it on the bed with the iPad and rose petals. I encouraged her to take some time for herself. I had put a jar of coconut oil next to the bed and encouraged her to rub the oils over her body.
I took the kids out and told her I’d call before coming home and we’d be back in a few hours. For the first time in our marriage, she sent me some very sexy texts over the next couple of hours and I was so turned on, feeling closer to her sexually than ever before.
Over the next several weeks, I took the kids out a couple of times a week so she could have some alone time. Every time I came home she was very intimate, wrapping her arms around me, kissing me, and our love was passionate those nights.
I even bought the book, Jenna’s Journal, and a new journal for her. I was hoping she’d come up with some of her own fantasies and write them down or just tell me about them. That hasn’t happened yet but we’ve come a long way.
We’re still a work in progress and things have slowed down a bit now that schools in session, sports, etc. But intimately, we communicate so much better, I can even lay next to her on nights she’s too tired and hold her while I masturbate, that’s an incredible feeling of closeness that we never had before.
We went on a vacation (no kids) and we made love a couple of times a day, so when our schedules aren’t so hectic I can see that we’re growing closer intimately.
My dream is for my wife and I to be able to learn how to get ourselves so wound up and hot, at the peak of arousal together while we make love. I know the Lord can do all things and if it’s his will then it will be. My wife is amazing! I love her so much and I’d marry her over and over and over again!
That’s why I’m determined to not give up and continue to encourage her to develop her own fantasies and discover what turns her on. Every time we have a conversation about fantasies and desires we both get worked up and the sex is passionate. So, I’ve learned just talking about desires and fantasies with her is a great start.