Weekly Column; Sexual Desire

Sexual Desire

Desire, such as any handsome gentleman and coquettish damsel might explore when they meet, young and vibrant, driven by the core biology of surging desire, raw, magnetic, electric. Their mutual want, their physical craving, their palpable arousal is the essence of lust and love.

As we age, the love story continues, but the biology may change, and is perhaps indeed inevitable. Sometimes as if a ticking biological clock, it ticks, it sticks, it hesitates, and then, poof! It is gone. No more midnight chime to signal the midnight interlude, that biologic essence of attraction and arousal is quelled.

Our weekly column focuses on arousal and desire and matters to consider when they seem to expire. As always the scientific component is taken from research literature, specifically here the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology Guide on Sexual Health.

Maintaining healthy sexual function is entirely dependent on multiple underlying physical and emotional characteristics, all of which, when functioning harmoniously provide a satisfying sexual experience. When any component breaks down, the entire sexual experience wilts, sags and drops like petals from a flower. The components of desire, arousal, and orgasm build the healthy, positive components, indeed the vibrant, fragrant petals of the sexual experience, while negative experiences such as sexual pain are the drought that causes the petals to whither and die.

Lack of sexual desire is commonly reported, the inevitable withering of the blossom. Desire does change with age, intimately related to fluctuating and diminishing hormone levels. While not desirable, a decrease in desire is considered normal, so allow for an unplanned change in desire.

However, lack of desire should not be the terminal drought to the healthy sexual flower. Lack of desire is in fact considered a clinically recognized, and hence treatable disorder when it is extreme.

Most importantly, when the individual does not want to participate in any sexual behavior such as touching, intercourse or masturbation, and when there are no sexual thoughts such as masturbation and sexual fantasies, and when all of these collectively are noted as concerning by the individual, then this issue is classified as a treatable disorder.

The layers of treating lack of desire are as complex as the concept of desire itself, but begin by eliminating the elements that cause the withering. Spend some thought considering these factors, and focus less on intercourse, and more on emotional trust and intimacy.

Great communication is the cornerstone of great intimacy as it builds trust and openness. Spontaneity and creativity are exciting because it requires thought and improvisation, while the commonness of routine is, well, common and routine, and less stimulating. Work towards resolving relationship concerns, stresses, and misunderstandings about your partner and about sex.

Improve your sexual knowledge and skills. Make time for sexual activity and focus on enjoyment and pleasuring each other. Lack of trust in partner might contribute to lack of orgasm, and poor body image or a fear of losing control may contribute. It is also common for women who do not have orgasms to have arousal problems.

Do not hesitate to speak with your physician about improving your desire, as there are medical options that can help, but these need to be prescribed and monitored. Consider your Biome and nutrition. Healthy weight and healthy body image will maximize the intimate encounter. Spend time on yourself. Explore your body image. Be comfortable with it.

Arousal is the physical and emotional change that occurs in the body from stimulation. Arousal is affected by large numbers of things, including medications, alcohol, smoking, illegal drug use, medical conditions, anxiety, stress, problems with your partner, and past negative sexual experiences.

We discussed in last week’s column that nicotine and smoking impair blood flow. Alcohol can have positive or negative effects, small amounts will sometimes decrease inhibition, while larger amounts typically impair function. A great starting point to improve the sexual experience is to eliminate smoking and moderate alcohol consumption.
If these have been addressed, then speak with your physician about considering a low dose hormone supplementation.

Dr R Kapteyn, DO