Preparing For My Future Husband

Hello, all! I want to say thank you for this site because I have thoroughly enjoyed your stories. Especially the married ones. They make me ache for my soulmate to hold me, love me, touch me, etc. For now, I will just settle for what I already have.

I also want to thank you guys for showing me that masturbation isn’t sinful. For YEARS I have struggled with it. I don’t believe I was addicted to it, but every time I did do it, I felt so guilty like God was disappointed in me. On top of that, the church I go to is strongly against masturbation. Every time the pastor spoke about it; I felt like he was talking to me. My heart would start beating; my body would get really hot, and my breathing would get all weird. I wondered if anyone noticed. Many times, people go up to confess about it, and I don’t know how to feel.

For the most part, I believe that it isn’t a sin, then the pastor speaks on it, and I’m confused again.

I can stop doing it entirely if I want to, but I get aroused so easily. The want to touch myself is high and I know it’ll feel good when I do it.

The most important thing I wanted to talk about, however, is my future husband. I feel like I’m going to be married soon.  I don’t know why that’s just what I feel like. My mom believes I’ll marry someone Jewish since I go crazy when I see one dressed up, walking to the synagogue, LOL!

Anyway, I DO NOT want to idolize marriage. I want God to be my number one priority. But I’m having trouble with that. We’re not close as we used to be. When I’m praying in my spirit, I feel like He’s close enough to touch. In general, I don’t feel like I used to. I think I’m not trying hard enough. I mostly pray when I go to church and when something happens to someone, sometimes before I go to sleep. I also don’t read the Bible much as I should. I want to, but I don’t.

I know if I pray and read the Bible more, we’ll get closer. This contributes to when I meet my husband. Before I meet him, I’ll have to know God, who he is. I don’t think I’m wording this correctly. I’m sorry if I’m confusing anyone.

I read this post where this one man is ‘preparing’ for his bride. I want to do this for my husband as well, but I don’t know exactly how. I need help.

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24 replies
  1. Upcomingauthor says:

    You're in the right mindset. You have to know God and know yourself before you can get to know someone else.
    My advice to you, and it's something that I have been working on for about four months now, is just a chapter a day. One of my favorite Gospel rappers said that's how he started. We can be overwhelmed with how big the bible is feel like we got to learn it all overnight. Thats the beauty of the Word of God, it grows with us because its alive, the Spirit will reveal to us what God knows we are ready to know when it is time.

    Set a time, I generally prefer the beginning of the day. I actually get up two hours before work to make sure I have enough time. Make a goal to at least read one chapter. In that one chapter, find one verse that speaks to you. Hand write it down and keep it on your person throughout the day–that's your daily meditation. Whenever you feel any emotion that is not of God, pull that verse out, even if the cause of the emotion has nothing to do with the verse because it will remind you to keep your mind on God always, to have an attitude prayer and communion with him, and keep you mind focusing on what he wants for you.

    For prayer, we all talk to ourselves throughout the day as we think about things. Those thoughts, make an attempt to direct them towards God. Tell him your hopes and dreams, your wants and needs–he knows all of that but he still wants you to talk to him. A relationship takes communication and that's all praying is, talking to God.

    Me being a writer, writing it down helps because that's how he designed me. That may work for you, it may not. But during that time in the morning after you read your chapter let that be the time for the deep prayer, go into a place where you really feel his presence. Throughout the day, we know we're to pray without ceasing, that's when you keep you mind focused on God as much as possible. You'll be surprised the questions and topics The Spirit, interceding on your behalf, will bring up to God.

    I would suggest how you feel about your Church deliberately singling out masturbation. Ask God if that's a church he wants you following, if he wants you masturbating, talk to him about your feelings and what you want and where you want to be and he will show you what he has planned for you.

    Deepening the communion with God will be how you'll strengthen that relationship. But also keep in mind, God will send you your husband when he feels it's time, don't try to hinder yourself by saying you don't know God enough. We will NEVER fully know God until we get there, and we shouldn't argue his timing either. When you and your man find each others it's because now God wants you to keep growing your relationship in him by growing together.

    God bless, sister! I hope this helps and I pray that you're right and he is on his way soon. 🙂

  2. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    If you need to release, just do it! Who is someone to talk about something that is not actually mentioned in the Bible? I'm glad that you want to read your Bible, and get to know God better, but remember, if you believe in Christ alone, and trust all He did for us (His sacrifice on the cross, burial and resurrection) you are saved, my dear.

    You can prepare by educating yourself about how the Lord allows couples to do whatever you want in your marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4). Read the Song of Solomon, especially shortly before you marry your husband. Get rid of those inhibitions, if there are any. Learn to be a sexy wife! Put on makeup, lingerie, dance all that kind of stuff 🙂

    God bless

  3. JAM777 says:

    I am but a man who is also in search of his future wife.
    But I can testify as a man who like you felt such great guilt for masturbating. I have a very powerful drive and I am often brought to near tears because of the pain from not seeking some sort of release….

    I have found a peace with myself and more importantly with God.
    I keep Him in mind and remember to keep my mind away from any other woman, especially married ones.
    I keep my heart and mind set upon the "idea" of my future wife. Of the future mother of my children. Of the one whom I will walk, praise, and serve the Lord the rest of my life with!!!

    While masturbating, I envision our first night together as husband and wife. I envision making love with her while she is carrying the proof of that love in her womb. I envision sneaking off while our children our engrossed in a show for some quick loving. I picture returning home from a trip and needing to be one with her. I picture her breast feeding our children, giving them life and love. I picture her teaching my daughter(s) how to be a lady of God and telling our boy(s) how a lady wants to feel. I picture raising them together in faith and admonition of the Lord. I picture standing side by side Watching our child(ren) one by one set out on their own adventure. I picture sitting around a big table, her at one end and I at the other, seeing our child(ren) with their own wives or husbands. I picture that moment when I stop, with tears in my eyes, look up unto to God and say "this is the Lord's doing, marvelous is thy faithfulness." I picture someday, also with tears in my eyes, through heartache and pain, together, my wife and I look unto the God who gives and takes away, praising Him in the storm… together….

    Dive into the Word of God my friend. Nothing is more attractive or more beautiful than a woman with her heart and eyes set upon the Lord! The beautify of a Proverbs 31 woman, her worth far above rubies!

    Let the love of Christ work in, around, and through you!

    Being a Christian has never been a destination, it is a journey! It's not about being on top but rather falling and still getting back up! It's not about religion but rather having a relationship! It's not about putting on a show of superiority but rather showing the world about the Superior! It's not about thinking less of yourself but rather thinking of yourself, less.
    It's about the love of Christ. The power yet sacrifice of Christ. The broken and yet mended. The standing firm but yet kneeling. The declaration of war on sin and yet peace with God. The giving up and yet gaining. The loss but yet the win. The death and yet still life!
    Marriage is the closest earthly representation of Christ and the church. Forgiveness, love, and longsuffering.

    So you see, my sister in Christ, you are not alone. And you are not the only one struggling. For we all do but this is why Christ died for you and for me. He died so that we don't have to carry the world of our sin on our backs like some misguided Atlas… for Christ and His Father carry the world in the palm of His hand…. and Christ will take this burden from you… if you let Him. 🙂

    I am not deterred by the thought of my future wife enjoying some self-loving. I will simply take on the mantel of giving her pleasure. Know that Christ loves you no matter what! And so will your future husband!

    Go to God with an earnest and open heart, and He will speak to you…. what matters is, what are you going to say and what are the questions you truly want to know the answer to…?

    This answer can only be found in you, in communion with the Spirit.

    I will be praying for you my sister in Christ! Let the comfort of the arms of Christ envelope you in a sweet sweet embrace! 🙂

  4. Lovinghusband says:

    Gaia,

    Your words touched me deeply. My heart goes out to you!

    I want to recommend a short, little book. It is called "What is the Gospel" – by Greg Gilbert.
    I believe this book would really encourage your heart. You can read it for free.

    Here is the link:

    http://www.wtsbooks.com/common/pdf_links/9781433515002.pdf

    Gaia, what your heart is yearning for – it found in the salvation that God brings in Jesus.
    Your desire to be ready to be a bride is so good! The best way to be ready is to know
    the clear message of the good news in Jesus Christ. This book will point you clearly to
    Jesus and the Scripture's teaching.

    God bless you! LH

  5. PacMan says:

    Sounds like your church knows how to hammer the "guilt" buttons. Any church that claims that the sign of your closeness/distance from God is how much you are reading the Bible and praying is NOT a church for me. Many pastors (too many) are experts in playing with emotions and manipulating people based on the common feeling of "incompleteness" and "not home yet" that we all have in us. I can sniff this stuff from a mile away now.

  6. PlayfulHubby says:

    In my opinion, you should listen to what your heart tells you. Some will say masturbation is a sin, and others will tell you it is not. I have my beliefs on this topic and I can give biblical references to support my belief. However at the end of the day, I am just a sinner that tries hard to follow what I believe the will of God is. Could I be wrong or misguided? Absolutely. I disagree with some statements made here, but who am I to judge? Just because I believe or not believe in something someone says does not make me right.

    The best advice I can give is to listen to the voice inside you. Regardless of what your pastor tells you, or the people here tell you… how do you feel about it? Pray and discern on how YOU feel based on your interpretation of what is written in the Bible. Then take action on what you discover in the quiet solitude of your heart… because that is where God talks to you. Are you still torn internally about this topic? Keep praying…. as God reveals His will for you not on your timeline…. but His.

    God Bless!

  7. Adam Rose says:

    As a single guy I completely understand your feeling because mine are much the same. I too long for the day when I can love my soulmate. Unfortunately we have yet to meet officially.
    I hope wherever she is she is working to better herself through Christ. As I am.
    Btw masturbation is never once mentioned in the Bible. Lust is. I suggest you figure out how God wants you to proceed. From what I've read there is nothing wrong with your thoughts.

  8. oldbikerider says:

    Thank you for writing your story, Gaia. Others have covered your concerns with masturbation so I'll just add that I am a Jew who has a loving relationship with our Creator through Christ, and though as a young person I was sure I'd never marry, I fell in love with my bride of 43 years glancing across a classroom so many years ago.

    She was from a conservative Christain family and they were a little afraid of me, but I love them and so appreciate how they made my beloved special for me. We continue to be more loving every day even as the years reduce some of our physical capabilities.

    Don't separate God from Love, or Love from God. Relax and let Love flow through you, it is so sweet.

    Your partner is out there, you two will become one, your heart and soul will be filled in that special way that defines how you were created. Your story brought to mind my courtship – and I thank you again for that gift. Hugs.

  9. 532jky@hmamail.com says:

    Anytime a man/woman 'preacher' adds to the Word of God that which HE has not said, that man or woman has just elevated themselves to be God. It is fine to interpret the Word in context, but to read into the Word what HE did not say is a sin! It is what the Pharisees did to elevate and make themselves important. They added rules that were impossible to follow! On the subject of sex, HE 'God' was very clear about what was a punishable sin and what simply needs washing up after. HE never said masturbation is a sin anywhere or by anyone! Don't you think that God, if HE wanted to call it a sin would have done so. HE is all knowing and all intelligent to know that mankind would need a method of biological release to avoid temptation and fornication before and even somtimes in marriage? HE IS the I AM!
    Therefore, let no man or woman call sin what God has not!
    Side thought: I once saw a young man napping in the student union, he had a wet dream. He wakes up with the front of his pants having a large wet spot, how embarrassing was that?! If he had masturbated, the biological sexual urgency would not have had been released at school involuntarily. How many times has your husband or wife had a wet sex dream before or after marriage? Could that wet sex dream be because they had not had a physical release for some reason?
    Babies have been seen in the womb fondling themselves, little children who have no idea of sin or sex play with themselves. It just feels good!
    Wives should spend more time playing with the sex toy that God has provided them in the man that HE gave to them! If they played with their boy live toy that is attached to their mate, I am sure their mate would feel more appreciated and loved, at least I would! They don't have to do more than fondle and squeeze and caress and play with it. It could be in the kitchen, living room, under the car while he is changing the oil. Use your imagination. If you do masturbation for him, or oral. Intercourse does not have to follow right then. Encourage him to return the favor! Teach us how to arouse you with touch too! Spend time arousing yourselves by thought so that it takes less time for him to arouse you too.

  10. Adam Rose says:

    532jky@hmamail.com well said!
    I cringe every time I hear well meaning Christians try to hang up their sexual hang up's on other people.
    The devil did not invent sexuality. God did. Just like everything good thing God has made, the Enemy will try to twist and pervert. Why? Because strong free sexuality within the confines of marriage is a terrible weapon against evil that continually strengthens the marriage bond.

  11. ladygarden says:

    @Gaia–Thank you for your sweet honesty and openness; both really shine through. We echo what others have written–masturbation is fine and is not a sin. Too often we forget that God created sex. That's right–He created orgasms, breasts, nipples, penises, vaginas, intercourse, pubes, our clits, lol. Not being sarcastic, just stating sometimes our culture and misguided preachers make sex and or masturbation look dirty or unclean. Song of Songs is a beautiful and erotic expression of God's view on marital love between a man and woman–especially–the sexual aspect of marriage that He gifted for us.

    Hang in there, as Barlow Girl once sang, God is preparing your mate for you. Perhaps your mate is not yet ready for such a tender, beautiful woman as you Gaia. God will provide in His time, the perfect time. We know its hard, but it will happen, probably when you least expect it.

    You are Loved!
    LadyGarden

  12. Gaia says:

    Upcomingauthor:
    Thank you for your words!

    I will try out reading a chapter a day and keeping part of it with me throughout the day. The challenge is in knowing where to start. I like the stories, so I was thinking the very beginning.

    I don't really think of it as my Church, just a church I go to because I have no say in the matter. I would LOVE to go somewhere I feel my soul is being fed and where I feel like I can talk to anyone there. I live with my mom, so anything she says, generally goes. I don't argue with her anymore about going to that church because I've given up. I just don't care anymore. I'll admit, it's defeat.

    When you said, "don't try to hinder yourself by saying you don't know God enough. We will NEVER fully know God until we get there", it really hit me deep. I keep forgetting this, so I always feel as if I'm never doing enough.

  13. Gaia says:

    Harper Shelby Thornton:
    I love your 'go for it' attitude! 😀

    I sincerely believe Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins and rose again three days later 🙂

    Thank you for your comment <3

  14. Gaia says:

    PacMan:
    Many thanks for your comment.

    Though it's not really my church, just a church I have no other choice BUT to go to. Also, it's not them that says I have to pray and read the Bible to get closer to God, it's everyone else.

    I've done TONS of research on how to get closer to God, and that's what everyone says to do.

    Please, if you have and other information you wish to share besides this, tell me. I don't know were else to look.

  15. Gaia says:

    PlayfulHubby:
    Thank you for your comment, and I definitely will pray for discernment on this topic.

    I just know that if I myself were to see how felt on this, it would be mixed. I'm a highly indecisive person. I see both the good and bad in things. I unintentionally trained myself to look at both sides of an argument. I just have this information in my hands, but I don't know what to do with it.

    ^accurate description of how I feel all the time.

  16. Gaia says:

    oldbikerider:
    No, thank YOU for your comment.

    "Don't separate God from Love, or Love from God. Relax and let Love flow through you, it is so sweet."

    That part warmed my heart. It caused me to remember that I just have to sit back and realax. I have the God of the Universe on my side, so I have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. I know everything will eventually work out for the best and in the best way possible.

    So thank you, for helping me to remember that.

  17. Gaia says:

    532jky@hmamail.com:
    Your comment was so refreshing to read, thank you.

    I feel like you think about this deeply and I see exactly what you're taking about. I also agree. I hate it when people put words in God's Holy mouth, but I unfortunately believe what they say most of the time.

    It's my own fault though, I know I'm supposed to look into the Word to see if their words match up with Scripture, but I don't.

    I love the ending of your comment though. You seemed to be (desperately) saying "Help us help you!"
    : D

  18. PlayfulHubby says:

    Gaia,

    I can absolutely relate to looking at both sides of everything and using only my own intellect and reasoning to come to the "logical" answer. I did that most of my life. Finally, a very wise and faith filled man saw how stressed I always was trying to figure everything out, asked me if I trusted God. Of course, I said, yes. He told me if that was true, then I should stop all this nonsense of trying to figure everything out on my own and "let go, and let God".

    It was difficult to do and I realized that I truly didn't trust in God like I professed. Gradually, I became better at trusting Him and the more I trusted in His absolute wisdom about all things the more my brain was freed from the clutter of things that troubled me and stressed me out.

    The old me stressed about work and money constantly and that meant long hours at work, constantly thinking about work at home, trying to be successful on my own. I found as a result of being mentally absent even when I was physically present at home, my marriage was in shambles and life was far from enjoyable. Being at my "wits end" and quite frankly having no where else to turn, I turned a great many things over to God. That was six years ago and since then, every area of my life has improved DRAMATICALLY.

    "Ask and it shall be given to you; Seek and you shall find" I am no biblical scholar, but I have yet to read any passage instructing me to "figure it out". In fact the Bible tells you just the opposite. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

    I would challenge you to try to stop trying to figure this out using your own mind/intellect. God's wisdom far surpasses ours. Let go, and let God, spend time with Him in prayer and worship, and have childlike faith that He will provide you with the answer to what you are struggling with.

    God Bless.

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