Advice needed

Hello everyone

I love this website I have been sharing some of the stories with my wife. She has always been against sex stories, but I think she is starting to enjoy reading some of the stories and getting turned on by them. We have been married for 6 years and I’m not happy about our sex life. It’s very boring and not very adventurous. First, my wife doesn’t like giving or receiving oral sex, she is very shy about sex and thinks it’s dirty. She refuses to talk dirty or do anything outside the box. We do have sex pretty often I would say almost every day but it’s not very fun she basically just lays there and lets me make love to her. We only do 2 different positions, and I can tell she doesn’t usually enjoy it. I usually can’t make her orgasm with penetration we have to use a vibrator on her clitoris to make her orgasm. I need your help and advice on what to do. I really don’t want to ruin my relationship with her because she is an amazing women other than our sex life, she just doesn’t care anything about it.  Thank you so much for all your help.

2.92 avg. rating (60% score) - 12 votes
8 replies
  1. PacMan
    PacMan says:

    My sex life sounds very similar — minus the frequency (ha!). I think it was CS Lewis who said "Comparison is the thief of joy." So just be careful that you don't read MH stories (etc) and compare yourselves with other couples. My wife is low libido. She doesn't have a lot of sexual thoughts or fantasies, and very little desire or drive. If she initiates sex (rare), it's out of service to me, not because she wants it. But here's the thing, we are all a work in progress. I have no desire to eat vegetables — even though I know they are good for me. Many times I eat them just to make my wife happy. We all have areas where this is true, so we have to have a LOT of grace with each other, while also realizing "baby steps" are a BIG deal to the person trying to make some changes.

  2. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Prayer is really important, communication, also really important. That's vital. Pray for God to give you the words to speak so you can communicate better. Also, be loving.

    Now it doesn't have to be boring if you only do two positions (my husband and I have our top 3 and they're lots of fun!) I mean you can do variations of positions too. Your wife possibly has issues she hasn't dealt with, and maybe didn't tell you about it either.

    Now, sex is NOT dirty at all. Sex is wonderful, it's God's GIFT to married people, and it's sad that your wife has this "prudish" attitude about it, for the lack of a better word. But like I said, there may be unresolved trauma. My husband's done oral on a few times, but I've never done it on him, because he says it would set of triggers.

    The good things is, it's great that you're having sex often, and I understand you want it to be adventurous. My husband and I often have role-plays and things like that. Try role-play yourselves. God bless

  3. texasman76
    texasman76 says:

    I can relate. We have been married for nearly 25 years. She was raised in a very strict, conservative home with all sisters. When we were first married, she tried and sex got better and better. When the kids came, frequency went down (like most couples) and the spontaneous sessions turned into scheduled ones (like what happens in many marriages). She has never given me oral sex but allowed me to until about 2012. We have gone to counseling three times over the 24 years. We talked about it recently and she is going to try to work on being more affectionate and sexual again. You have to communicate. That is critical. In addition, we are all different people and have to come to the conclusion that it is always a give and take in marriage. We are best friends, read the Bible and pray together daily. Pray about your marriage and keep communication open.

  4. PlayfulHubby
    PlayfulHubby says:

    The saying goes, "your perception is your reality". Currently it appears your wife's perceptions about sex is negative. That could be caused by a number of different factors or influences earlier in her life. Or it could be that she feels pressure from you to go way beyond her current comfort zone. If she is engaged in reading stories here that is a good thing! If she is getting turned on by them, that is a REALLY good thing! She is getting to read what sexual activities other "normal" couples engage engage in. Think of it this way, when you read a travel book about all the wonderful things in Paris, it generally creates a desire to go to Paris. Reading the book alters your perception (making it more positive than before) … thus altering the degree of desire to actually go to Paris. Are you following me?

    Understand that she IS being adventurous by even reading these stories. You want to find a way to support and encourage her without pressuring her or…. IMPORTANT….embarrassing her. Its a delicate balance YOU have to find. I won't make any suggestions here because I do not know your wife… but you do!

    For you, its important that you realize that your wife doing any of the things written about in these stories is step #352, and she is on step #18. If you let your frustration show, it will only make her pull back, and she will possibly interpret this as "no matter what I try, it will never be enough for you". Also, In my experience, you want her to get comfortable in vocalizing during sex. It progresses over time (with gentle and positive encouragement). "ohh that feels good/nice" turns to "ohh right there/just like that", turns to "mmmm faster/harder baby" turns to AHHHH DEEPER, and so on and so on. It may take years for her to finally get comfortable with it becoming filled with the naughty expletives.

    Let her take one step at a time, allowing and gently encouraging her to (ad)venture at her own pace. Celebrate every step. Life is ALWAYS about the journey and when the journey isn't easy, its SOOOO much more rewarding when you reach the destination.

    Keep in mind that your glass is half full not half empty. You are having sex with your wife almost daily after 6 years of marriage. Your wife IS adventurous enough to use toys. I get sex half as much as you, and my wife is not a toy fan. However I do get some of things that you want but are not getting. Other things that you have read about here and want are still on my wish list too. Will those happen.. maybe, maybe not. I'd rather go through life with my wife and her limitations than go through life without her.

    Finally, would you rather be the 5th guy to eat her to an orgasm, and the 7th guy she has given a blow job to, or the 1st for both?

    God Bless!

  5. ladygarden
    ladygarden says:

    @charlyusa: Sad to hear you are going though this. Hang in there, do not give up. Have you had an honest,safe conversation about where she is sexually? Is there a problem from her past? Its good she is starting to read MH and you are very blessed she wants to "do it" nearly every day. Wow, do you know how lucky you ?!?!?!

    You may have to consider turning your energies away from sex for a season while she works her way through her feelings. what other interests do you enjoy outside of sex?

    You have a lot of female support here to give you that perspective on your situation. You are brave asking for help, good job.
    Always remember–

    You Are Loved
    Ladygarden

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