Single Masterbation Question

Dear Ladies & Gentlemen,

I have been single for a long time and there hasn’t been anyone until very recently who I would have a romantic interest in. I have been masturbating while thinking of fantasies of my future wife (the whole time not having someone physical in mind just what I painted as what my future wife would be). My question is what would you recommend I do when it comes to masturbating or fantasizing about my future wife if I am dating someone, but we aren’t engaged?

Sincerely,

Crown

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11 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Feel free to imagine all you want. If anything, masturbation can also HELP you to keep yourself a virgin until your wedding night. Fantasies are fantasies, they're not lust like so many believe (lust is synonymous with coveting, Romans 7:7) it's only natural to have those feelings. God bless

  2. Upcomingauthor says:

    I say don't get so wrapped up in your fantasies that you forget who you actually have. And then when the day comes she's the one you're envisioning, start praying and asking God if this is the one for you let him guide you into that pure heart about her. I agree with Harper. And I for one, once I knew that God was telling me my wife was mine, she was the one I envisioned and unlike past relationships I didn't have any guilt about it because that was the woman God had promised to be my wife, I just had to be patient.

    We may have rushed it, but thanks be to God he kept us only for each other. Those long summer days thinking about her are ones I cherish 🙂

    God bless brother.

  3. Current Resident says:

    I don't know of a theological problem with fantasizing about a specific person, but where the law lacks specificity, the Spirit should be our guide. Perhaps fantasy will help you remain pure as Harper suggested, but it may instead fuel temptations to experience sex too early. Be in tune with your response to make sure that your liberty does not lead to vice.
    Furthermore, if you do fantasize, reinforce the context of marriage. It sounds like you already know this, but remember that sexual fantasies are powerful forces for good if used to fuel desires for what is good. Desire a hot marriage and dream about it; do not desire and do not dream about sex with your unwed partner.
    Cheers!

  4. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    I agree with what you say, Current Resident but with all due respect we can't control our dreams, so it's not really fair to tell someone not to dream about something if they can't help it. That's all. God bless

  5. Lovingcouple920 says:

    I agree with Harper, it is perfectly healthy to fantasize. However, like anything, if you find that you can't separate reality from fantasy or you are abusing it, then you should seek help. I am happily married but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a fantasy, in fact sharing those with my husband, and him doing the same, makes our sex hotter.

  6. PacMan says:

    It is a healthy and wise practice to transition your eyes/mind/heart from MANY women (many possibilities) to ONE woman (my likely future wife). Assuming your relationship is serious and exclusive, I would encourage single men to start training their mind and sexual energy for marriage, including focusing on one person. So I am strongly in the YES! GO FOR IT! category.

  7. John Flint says:

    Simply put i would recommend masturbating to a nameless faceless female form. The person you are dating does not and may not be united in marriage to you. So she is not yours to take in that way at this point. Also especially if you are younger you can masturbate just on physical sensations alone without much fantasy.

  8. Loved by my Wife says:

    Paul often emphasized the importance of having a clear conscience, so I recommend you listen to your conscience: If you feel guilty about it, then do not do it.
    There is also a lot of Biblical advice to judge by the fruit: Do these fantasies lead you toward porn or toward pushing physical boundaries? I might go so far as to say: if you have struggled with physical boundaries or pornography, do not masturbate.
    The last thing I would add is that if you are unsure, error on the side of caution: better to fast when you could feast, than to feast when you should be fasting.
    I think Mark Gungor would say that with the power of the Spirit, a Christian does not NEED to masturbate – it is an exercise of self control. He would also say that if you are burning with passion: get married – sooner than later.

  9. Crown says:

    Dear All,

    I have read each comment and considered it carefully. When I choose to fantasize about my future wife I do not use porn to fuel it or anything. I will end a fantasy if it is causing me to think of the person who I am in relationship with rather than a nameless and faceless person. My fantasies do not interrupt or replace anything in a romantic relationship and I mainly allow myself to fantasize when I am in bed about to go to sleep. I will also make sure that my romantic involvement does not allow for much physical affection because of what temptation that can lead to and I would rather wait until marriage for the physical affections. Thank you for all of your comments I do appreciate them deeply.

    Sincerely,
    Crown

  10. John Thompson says:

    If you're a normal man you will find it very difficult NOT to masturbate thinking about the girl you are dating. If you don't, you might experience the so called "wet dream." When I was dating the woman who became my wife we didn't have sex before we were married, but some of our kissing and petting sessions left my penis aching hard and for simple physical reasons, not just lust, I had to release myself by masturbation. It's only natural, and a well designed release mechanism!

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