The Shower Guy

My marriage of 42 years has been sexless for the past five or six years; even though I have a Godly wife, she is postmenopausal and has lost all interest in sex.  And even though we are both born again Christians, she doesn’t realize the truth of 1Corinthians 7:1-5 and it’s effects upon me.  But, praise the Lord, He has given me the grace to endure and has pointed out to me the importance of Colossians 3:19, “Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.”

And the LORD has also given me some wonderful truths from His Word that enables me to endure this trying period.  First, there is the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “There hath no temptation(trial) taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].”

The promise that I am referring to in this verse, is “…but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].”  For sure He has given me a “way of escape” in the area of masturbation.  The journey through Scripture that brought me to the point where I was able to use masturbation in this way started with verses like Proverbs 5:18,  “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.” Using the memory of how things used to be with my wife (in the area of sex) is what I think about as I masturbate.

And a few years ago the Lord showed me a truth in the Old Testament Law that also opened this door of escape.  As I was studying one day in Leviticus 15:16-18 I noticed that verses 16 & 17 were talking about masturbation, while verse 18 is talking about sexual intercourse between a husband and his wife.  But the instructions in the Law were “the same” for after sex with your wife as it is for after masturbating.  This is the Scripture that God used to open the door for me to use this to endure my situation.

There are times (two or three times a week) when I start to feel somewhat melancholy, and I need the closeness of a wife.  I have learned that it does no good for me to try and ignore this feeling (need).  Because it is real and it does not go away but only intensifies.  I guess God has made us with this need for sexual gratification that just can not be ignored.  It’s at these times that masturbating in the shower makes me a new man that loves his wife and does not have a problem with lusting after other women.

Praise the Lord for giving us what we need.

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9 replies
  1. "Beauty's" Man says:

    I fully understand your plight.Although my wife was affected sexually by having had a hysterectomy the results were much the same as what you've written about. Post the operation her drive didn't simply decrease, it went away completely. She has told me in the form of an explanation for that having been the case that, "I feel like an It". "I don't have any sense of feeling like a woman or the resulting sexual desires and drive that a woman might have, or that I did have before the operation".

    Things have changed over the last year or so, and some of sexual passion has returned, but it is limited. My advice, spend time in prayer on this subject, spend time talking with your wife gently and compassionately,and show her the type of attention that any woman would desire husband. I've read many a article on this subject, and in most cases there is a return at some level of sexual interest/drive for women such as your wife.

  2. Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    Sorry about your wife's loss of drive and the effect it has on you. Did she try taking hormones or something like that> Thankfully we're no longer under Levitical law where we have to wash ourselves after sex all the time. God bless, Don.

  3. ATrain says:

    While I suppose it is good you have found a way to cope, I wonder if this is also enabling. Denying a spouse sexual union for 5 or 6 years is essentially abandonment. It is in no way ungodly to say to your wife, "I love you and remain faithful to you, but this is unacceptable. I expect you to pursue options for hormone therapy, and I will also be happy to go to marriage counseling if necessary, so that we can change this situation." Your wife needs sex, too. Obviously I don't know all the details of your situation, but being the silent sufferer is not your only option (or I would say, even the best one).

  4. Adam Rose says:

    @ATrain
    Totally agree.
    If you have not pursued both, Godly counseling and/or hormonal checkups with a doctor it would be prudent to do so ASAP!
    I am truly terrified what damage a sexles marriage could do to your collective future.
    Dispite what you've perhaps heard sex is also important to your wife weather she knows it or not. Any Psychologist worth his salt will tell you the same.
    Lastly I strongly believe the Bible state's that sex should never be witheld within loving marriage except for a period of prayer and fasting.
    Here,◄ 1 Corinthians 7 ►
    ESV
    Principles for Marriage
    "1Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

  5. Dana says:

    Please be grateful that you still have your wife. My wife of over 22 years ascended in 2013. I was 33 when I lost my virginity to her. We had 14 years of wonderful, loving sex, but the last 9 years were essentially sexless as her health declined. We remained affectionate all that time (lots of hugs and kisses), and I never sought to be with other women (despite the fact that she encouraged me to do so). I know how difficult it can be to be abstinent while the woman you desire above all others is living with you, but please give thanks for the gifts you have been given.

  6. redtwin says:

    This is very common after menopause. Hormone pellets can reverse this. Talk to a reputable OB/GYN. It was life changing for our marriage The pellets restored our sex life and marriage.

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