Hard to wait…
I decided a long time ago to wait until I got married before I would have sex. It’s turning out that that is easier said than done. I’m 18 and I just started dating. I just got my first boyfriend, he is 21 and not a virgin. I just had my first kiss, it was amazing! I told my boyfriend that I am waiting and he said that he is willing to wait with me, but I feel like I’m disappointing him. I want both of us to be happy in our relationship. I’ve tried to make it clear that I’m not waiting because I don’t want to have sex with him, because I do, believe me! But I know that on my wedding night when me and my husband share each others body’s for the first time, it will be well worth the wait! I need advice on how to fight the temptation. I need prayers to stay strong. Please comment, any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
-Marlee
MarSue you are definitely doing the right thing by waiting, it is always beneficial to stay in God's will and word, He will honor you for that, and you will enjoy awesome fulfilling sex with your husband for the rest of your life ! Make a conscious decision to save yourself for marriage and avoid situations that will put you in temptation. I sure wish I did ! You can always masturbate to relieve the tention.
Waiting is definitely best case…Masturbation is a safe, blessed, and healthy way to cope. MH has a wealth of information and stories related to this topic.
Thank you so much for your comments!
Yes. I agree. Masturbation is a good choice.
As others have suggested, satisfying your libido in a positive way should help. Moreover, though I hate to be Johnny Raincloud, temptation will be strongest when you are alone together in a private place. These times will be awesome when you are married, but they are testing during courtship. Make it a point to be together in public or when other people are around so that temptation has little opportunity (this is hard, but it's easier than quelling the tide after things get rolling).
Also, make sure your boyfriend is as resolved as you are. If he is a godly fellow he will take it upon himself to protect your relationship and keep you from stumbling. He should be leading in this area, so if he is just going along with it to make you happy, something is missing and you should be careful.
I am in the same boat (except I'm single,) but for sure sure talk to him about not being left alone if you think it might be too tempting. Maybe implement rules like you can't be in their bedroom with the door closed or whatever you feel comfortable with. Masturbation definitely helps and it's actually healthy for you in a lot of ways. Continue praying for your relationship and strength to stay strong, I know it's not easy, but I am also confident that it will be worth the wait.
I wished I waited for marriage. Because even when I try not to, I find myself comparing my beautiful wife to my previous girlfriends (physical appearances, sexual performances, etc). And it's just not fair to her.
Stay strong. Your marriage will be much stronger! I'be been happily married for 10+ years but if I can do one thing over it would be saving myself for my amazing wife.
Hello! First off, I'm glad you want to wait, praise God. You understand it'll be worth the wait. Now if this guy is not a believer, don't be with him, and certainly don't marry him, as God discourages us to marry unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Don't allow yourself to be pressured. Besides, he won't want to have sex if he really wants to please God. It's normal to want to have sex, but I also think that if you're ready it's better to marry than to fall into sin. I knows it's sounds a bit drastic, but that's also what the Apostle Paul said.
Waiting is really a beautiful and sacrificial thing to do. It is beautiful because sex is the most intimate thing that two people can do with one another and it shows how cherished it is when you wait. It also can be a sacrificial act because while our bodies crave and are designed to be sexual, it takes a great amount of self-control to wait and it takes respect to honour another persons body in that holy way. There is a huge emotional responsibility with sex and so often people overlook that. It isn't something to be just physical and detached. It all intertwines and can be difficult to unravel and muddle your true feelings for someone. You want to know someone is with you for because they care for you and not the sex. And if that relationship leads to marriage, you want to be able to stand at the altar knowing that the person you are marrying is marrying you for you and all that you are.
The Apostle Paul was single when he wrote scriptures regarding marriage and singleness, although there are some commentaries that speculate whether he was married at one point because he was an observant Jew, and he encouraged people that both singleness and marriage were holy and that sexual desire is holy and not to think of it as some sort of spiritual weakness, as some had thought it to be. If you are tempted to have sex AND you are in a godly mature relationship AND willing to commit to someone for the rest of your life THEN consider marriage. I personally feel that one of the disservices the Church does is to encourage young people to marry early to avoid pre-marital sex instead of equipping them with relationship and marriage tools to evaluate whether they are compatible for marriage. Getting married isn't a band-aid solution because sex isn't bad; it is good and holy and God-given. This is part of the problem that so many Christian marriages fail; people marry young for the wrong reasons and haven't stood on the right foundation.
It sounds like you have a great guy who is willing to wait for you even though he is not a virgin. I was in the same situation as you; I was a virgin and my husband-to-be was not. He did faithfully wait until we were married and he did not regret that at all. Your boyfriend may not be disappointed at all. He may be challenged with his hormones but so are you and that can be difficult. Just keep communication open and allow yourselves to be honest with one another about your feelings. Draw up safeguards to protect that part of your relationship. And don't be embarrassed to masturbate if you need to. It is a healthy was to release that sexual tension.
So yes, wait until marriage because the foundation of your relationship should be based on more than that. A marriage decision does not deserve to be muddled by sex and make sure when you marry that you marry because you know that you have a strong foundation in all other things. There is never a regret to wait but so many regret not waiting.
I think the most important thing is to stay true to your values. No one should ever feel like they are being a disappointment because of a decision they made about their body. All the best!
It might be helpful to get yourself a symbol of this decision, like a ring or a necklace or something. When things start to heat up the jewellery will probably get brushed or knocked or something and one way or another, it will remind you.
Also it might be a good plan to set yourself some sort of rule, like when either one of you starts to moan or something that's when you'll stop and get some space to breathe.
The other thing is the further you go, the harder it will be to stop. If you let him touch your tits or ass or legs or whatever, it'll be harder for you to resist more, and vice versa. Keep the kissing to just kissing and light touching and it will help a lot. I pray God will bless you with the strength you need. xox
OOOH the other thing i forgot is I like to keep a journal and write down all the things i wasn't to do when i married and I'm saving it to give to my husband on our honeymoon, it's generally stories and fantasies but some of it is just lists of things i want to try and all that. It might help redirect that sexual energy so that its still pure and beautiful and still in that moment, but your saving it for your husband. Im 17 and have never had a date or a kiss or anything so i may not know what I'm on about but all this sure makes it easier for me to be patient and happy in myself instead of thinking all my sexual energy is evil or something. Hope this helps babes x
This post is really interesting. Unfortunately I have nothing to add to what has already been suggested and I may not be the best to chime in on this. At least, now I see a bit clearer why every attempt of mine at relationship just ends broken and to be in vain. So, thank y'all and best of blessings to MarSue!
Ps: Juicy, you always share with such sound wisdom and understanding and depth of matter. Thank you for being who you are! God bless ya!!
Talk openly with each other about your temptations and how to help each other stay pure. Agree on some boundaries/hard limits. Masturbate shortly before you meet, then your desire for sex won't be so strong. Masturbate after your dates as well if you are all worked up and need a release. This goes for both of you to keep the temptations at bay.
Just because the dude's not a virgin does not mean he shouldn't share your value of waiting until marriage. #1) Make sure you are attracted to each other's spiritual life — it's more important than physical! #2) Go super slowly in any physical relationship. This part of the relationship almost always moves forward (no matter how virtuous you are), and it's next-to-impossible to take steps backwards physically. #3) If he ever pressures you or disrespects your decision or tries to weaken your resolve, kick that dude to the curb — he's being selfish on an issue that's really important to you and showing a lack of judgment and value in you.
I was still a virgin on my 33rd birthday. Good luck to you!
Yes you should wait, but you need to make that clear to him, you can't let him have any doubt about that.