Help! Communication Issue

Hi there! I’ve been enjoying MH for a couple of days although I’ve been on before. I love how everyone enjoys their marriage but there are “hard times” posts as well. It gives me hope that this too shall pass. Ok, so that being said my issue is quite embarrassing. I would love for my husband to go down on me ( what woman doesn’t), but he will only do it when I’m fresh out of the shower. This is only an issue because he’s told me that it is my scent that puts him off and even though it is the same after a shower he feels more at ease. So now I find I’m so self-conscious of my scent all the time, to the point it has hindered my ability to orgasm. So its there anything I can do to change the way I smell? And how do I get over this?

4.20 avg. rating (83% score) - 5 votes
10 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    How do you know it's the same when you come out of the shower? Did he tell you? But at the same time, you really shouldn't put up with that. I can see what affect that it's having on you, I mean to read that it even hinders your orgasms, I'm heartbroken for you. He shouldn't be diminishing your self-confidence like that. I don't know if you can change the way you smell. I'm really not sure about that. But be strong, God made you the way you are. God bless, dear

  2. Anonymous
    Anonymous says:

    I'm experiencing the exact opposite problem. I LOVE going down on my wife anytime, anywhere (obviously appropriate places). But she doesn't like it at all. She says it feels gross and weird. Her boobs and butt are "off limits to me. I often wonder if it's me and my ability to perform on her that's the problem. I've tried discussing it with her but she doesn't even like talking about it and shuts down the conversation or changes the subject. Before we came to know and accept Jesus as our Lord and savior we did engage in premarital sex. I honestly feel sex before coming to Christ was better for her than after. It's been over 13 years of marriage now and things have only gotten worse. She doesn't even seem to enjoy any kind of physical intimacy at all. No noise, no moving around, and no initiating. Oral sex on both ends has become almost nonexistent. My view on Marriage and sex is on the same line as most of you on MH. Sex is a gift from our creator to fully engage in and enjoy. I don't know how to help my wife open up and embrace her sexuality. She is gorgeous and sexy to me and I think about her all the time. Only, she either can't or won't believe me when I tell her this. I believe she has body image issues, after four c- sections she's developed a "pouch" above her pubic bone. She's put on some weight but that doesn't even effect me. I love her, and desire her no matter what she thinks about her physical appearance. I'm getting excited just thinking about her now. How do I get her to open up sexually?

  3. JL
    JL says:

    Different foods should help with that. Not sure the term for it, but it's kind of like the thing where asparagus makes pee smell bad…

  4. me
    me says:

    In my experience, when things were going bad sexually things were going bad in general every where else. Marriage & sex is a 2 way street. My advice isn't what people want to hear, bcuz it's the Way of the cross. Here goes.

    First, work on being like Jesus. Ur walk b4 Him takes top priority in all things u. This isn't easy. Most people get it but don't do it. Christ taught us to be last, to look to others interests, & love as He has loved. THIS WILL ELIMINATE U AS A SUSPECT. Cultivate the love of Jesus & do things Jesus style & ur spouse will wake up one day & notice that u are no longer the enemy.

    Second, treat ur spouse in ways that are pleasant surprises, AS A WAY OF LIFE. Essentially, make good on ur vows. Quit treating them like everyone else treats them. Ur the spouse, fulfill ur calling. Talk nice about them to others, never talk bad about them. Make them feel special. Go the extra mile. BECOME THE PERSON THEY CAN BE MARRIED TOO. Make marriage into what it's supposed to be, not what everyone else has. This is not popular especially if the spouse is selfish, but never grow tired of doing good. God will be pleased & He will reward u for ur faith.

    Last, understand. Today, more than ever, no one is perfect. Jesus went to the cross for His bride. There is a ton of learning there to be had. Love is not always reciprocated. Sometimes the one u love is evil & will nail u to a tree. Sex is from God but the love of Jesus leads to eternal life. Obedience to God has a way of changing lives. Besides, none of us are perfect. God was plenty patient with u. Be that way with ur spouse.

    Welderwife, & anon, we don't always get what we want in this cruel world. We want the right things, but the other may not be there yet. They may never get there at all. We ALL know that. The answer is the path of Jesus & pray for them, u, & it. The answer may not be an orgasm when u want it, But start with what they say. If he is sensitive to the smell then deal with it his way. If u only get oral after showers then start by not expecting it without a shower. But also, give him room to be inadequate. To make mistakes & be him. People rarely change when pushed & pressured. Take away the complaint & allow him to change on his own. Try & b more fresh but also know u r dealing with a demanding person who is unfair but doesn't know how to be fair. At least not yet. Ur more mature, so be patient. God promises to bring His insight, peace, counsel, along with many other helpful things. It's faith. I for one know this very intimately.

    My wife & I were very closed off & sex was rare & bland. It's never going to be perfect. But by God's work we have gone from her rarely giving oral to her asking to give it.

    God wants something more than sex to be learned in our struggles. Look to His word. Don't be afraid to follow Him wherever it leads. The promises are there, but sometimes the answer isn't what we desire. React to Jesus, don't fear a dull sex life. Fear God. He can work miracles. I struggled to believe that & some days that's all we have to hold on too. But, Jesus will make good on His promises.


  5. WeldersWife
    WeldersWife says:

    Thank you all. I had an appointment with my obgyn today and discussed this issue with him (very red faced I'm sure). After making sure there was no infection, he drew some blood to check hormone levels. Should know in a few days!

  6. tgrcpl
    tgrcpl says:

    I'm sure this posting was very difficult but I truly admire your honesty and openness. A quick suggestion would be to check out editable massage oils. They have wonderful flavors and perhaps this will help you both increase your intimate time. Get him involved. Good luck!

  7. HesIrish_ImLucky
    HesIrish_ImLucky says:

    Hey, it's perfectly natural for him to think that. My husband gets the same way too. When I talked to him about it, it wasn't so much about the smell but about the fact that as women we have to sit down when we use the bathroom. While men have the luxury of standing up and pointing to pee. He just thought about me having to hoover over a toilet or sit down on one, that's what was in his head.

  8. The Hottness
    The Hottness says:

    Thanks for the honest post. My husband LOVES the idea of coming down on me, but I am similar to anonymous' wife. I do not like the smell and if it tastes like it smells I'd feel awful for the poor guy. That is my only reservation…the "girly odor" that seems to come through even the most thorough shower. We're pretty active and in the summer it is easy to break a sweat. I don't like to be touched intimately unless I have cleaned up. In my head, I'm doing him a favor. But he feels shortchanged because I'll spoil the mood to freshen up. It really isn't to insult him. I just wouldn't want to have him do something I wouldn't be willing to do.

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