Blatant Sexuality

I am busy writing a book about sex in marriage and have been thinking of this chapter and find it quite difficult to express what I really want to say.

Firstly, what is the difference between “Sex Talk” and “Blatant Sexuality.”  I have never heard or read anything about this topic, so I am only going to share this from a man’s point of view and then I am going to ask my wife and the readers of MH to give me their viewpoint from the ladies’ perspective.

“Sex Talk” is the open discussion between husband and wife about things they like or dislike or things they would like to try.  “Sex Talk” can be part of foreplay and might lead to actually having sex.

However, Blatant Sexuality is when one person does things that are so blatantly saying “I WANT TO HAVE YOU NOW” that you have to be blind to miss it. Blatant Sexuality is not so much what is SAID, but the directness of the communication.  It is communication that is in your face and cannot be missed by even the blind and deaf.

I am going to give some examples of what I would place in this category.  (This is from a man’s point of view)

1. He is watching TV or reading.  She pulls her panty to the side exposing her most delicate womanhood and says, “Honey, just look at this.  I think my pussy is on fire and I need your urgent attention.”

2.  She says, “Are you gong to watch TV or would would you like to come and watch me play with myself?   You can join me if if you want to.”

3.  She puts her finger under his nose and he can clearly smell that she has just taken it out of her moist secret garden and she says, “Want some?”

I think I speak for most men when I say that we would love to have our wives be far more direct and even BLATANT with us.  We have a deep desire to know that our wives also want US and not just the other way around.  Girls, come right out and say it.  Make it so direct and in our face that we just cannot miss it.

Now ladies. Please give me your ideas on Blatant Sexuality. Things that you would do or things that would excite you if your husband did it.

4.50 avg. rating (89% score) - 16 votes
24 replies
  1. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    There have been times in our 33 years of marriage when my husband snuck up and touched my breasts, or just immediately got passionate with me, and I loved it! An idea for the ladies could be that they wear sexy lingerie as they watch TV with their husbands, or even naked! God bless 🙂

  2. ClimaXX
    ClimaXX says:

    I really want to thank MH for posting this for me. I truly hope to get a large number of responses and advice for my book.

  3. PatientPassion
    PatientPassion says:

    From an unmarried guy's perspective, I think one of the key aspects of "blatant sexuality" is being unapologetic. In other words, casting out the shame and taboo around sexuality that we are often brought up with, either implicitly or explicitly. We also need to cultivate an extreme level of trust with our spouses, and know that they will never judge or belittle us for expressing our sexuality with complete openness and vulnerability.

    I think there are certainly times where our sexuality should be reserved (perhaps when someone is sick or in a particular kind of bad mood), so both spouses must be prudent about when to tone down the sexual expression. But with that said, I think it's wonderful and beautiful thing if a couple can integrate blatantly sex-charged playfulness into their everyday lives, remaining in control of themselves, but always just a moment away from tearing each others' clothes off. To me, blatant sexuality is being constantly aware of and explicitly and unapologetically acknowledging our sexual nature and desires with our spouses. This could be anything from a morning greeting of "You look extra hot today," to walking up behind your spouse, digging your hands under their clothes and raining kisses on them without warning.

    To relate to your example, ClimaXX, if a husband is watching TV or otherwise relaxing and his wife stood in front of him, stripped and then sat and cuddled next to him naked, I see that as blatant sexuality. She is being aware of and explicitly and unapologetically acknowledging her sexual nature and her desires with her spouse.

    If a wife is preparing a meal and her husband walks in, drops to his knees and begins kissing her thighs, belly and butt through her clothes, that is blatant sexuality. He is being aware of and explicitly and unapologetically acknowledging his sexual nature and his desires with his spouse.

    I could list many more examples, but my expertise from a female perspective is understandably limited. 😉

    My examples might be a bit more toned down than what you were thinking, but I believe your examples are excellent as well. I think I just tend to fantasize about a more slow-burning kind of playfulness that doesn't always start right into the main event (though I'm certainly not opposed to that once in a while!). Whatever the definition might be, I can certainly say that I hope my future wife and I live with this kind of blatant sexuality.

    This is an great discussion, and I look forward to seeing what ideas others have!

  4. Old Lover
    Old Lover says:

    Blatant sexuality for Anne and me reveals itself in these ways . . .

    When cuddling she takes my hand to her breast and whispers, ‘Love my girls!’ It leads to a good cumming time.

    She asks me to use a lint roller on her sweater after doing her hair, knowing I’ll finish by rolling it across her ass as she swishes it for me.

    If she senses that I need a release, she’ll offer to jack me off then and there.

    Likewise, I can ask for a hand job and she purrs with delight as she she takes me by the hand to the master bedroom mirror to watch me as she makes me cum.

    Walking into our bedroom, as I’m reading, wearing a sexy chemise and a beguiling smile. She knows I’ll put the book down immediately!

    Showing me leg in the car on the way to church. She is saying, ‘Take me!’ She knows full well that it’s not possible and that I’ll be thinking about her all morning. She loves the thought of me being horny for her.

    Just a few blantantly sexual ways we cum on to each other.

  5. She Writes
    She Writes says:

    In your chapter, consider adding this additional thought to it: How to deal with rejection.

    Women are used to being pursued and subtly revealing their sexual desire. Men are trained to pursue and be overt in showing their sex desire. There's a lot to be said about that subject, but it explains why men experience the loss you described here: "We have a deep desire to know that our wives also want US and not just the other way around."

    But most women aren't sure how to aggressively pursue. And when they do, they expose themselves to rejection. It's a freezing cold bucket of water when you're taught to expect that:

    1) Men are always horny.
    2) Only undesirable women can be turned down.

    Both are untrue, but social expectations yadda yadda. You toss the average woman into that and it is a serious blow when they chance blatantly putting their desire out there and then get shot down. It is a real risk. I don't think it is any easier for men to deal with, but many women are uninitiated to it. I remember reading a Christian marriage book and in one of the stories, a wife talked about "her quiet rage" at being rejected over and over by her husband whose libido had suddenly vanished. I still think women should take the risk and show their honest desire for their husbands. But I can see a wife being rejected because he's tired, stressed or whatever, and deciding never to be blatant again because after being shot down. Being prepped to handle rejection would be a good tool to offer when you're encouraging women to venture out in this way.

    Good luck in your writing!

  6. ClimaXX
    ClimaXX says:

    Tx Old Lover. It seems as if you have a very special wife. It is a great gift from God to have a wife who is a good and willing lover.

  7. ClimaXX
    ClimaXX says:

    She Writes I want to thank you for this great insite. I really have not thought about that. Maybe because in all my years I have NEVER rejected my wife. However I have missed one or two advances from her because sometimes she is so "gentle" that I did not see her intention. Guys can be so blind.

  8. ClimaXX
    ClimaXX says:

    As we talk about BLATANT sexuality I must just share that my wife can be very blatant. Two nights ago I started touching her and she resonded with, "Would you mind if we postpone this to tomorrow night? You can make sure that my vibrator is fully charged and then we make it a early night."
    So…..yesterday we were both excited the entire day and ready for what was to be. When I came out of the shower and walked into the room my wife was lying naked on the bed with her vibrator on the pillow next to her and her pussy shining from the coconut oil that she had used to get the game started.
    Her desire was to do some Jacking and Jilling. It was so hot. She wanted to play with her vibrator while watching me masturbating and kept on encouraging me to "show me what you like doing to that hard cock."
    She ended up having multiple orgasms as we played together for more than an hour.

  9. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    @She Writes I think you're right. Rejection does hurt, sometimes people can be too shy to ask for sex, because you're usually vulnerable doing so, and sex always involves some degree of vulnerability regardless of how long you've been married. So if you one tried to have that intimacy with their spouse and they're turned town, it can make them less likely to try next time. Women aren't naturally aggressive, but they can still pursue. I don't think it should be a risk, especially considering 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. Based on that there shouldn't be rejection, but rather postponing, or "rain check".

  10. drew t
    drew t says:

    I'm new to this site and while this doesn't pertain specifically to this story I had a question I was hoping someone could help me answer. Why is Marriage Heat okay with BDSM, etc. and not okay with anal play? My wife and I regularly partake in anal play but view BDSM in a much different light. I'm not against it by any means, just not our thing. I also think the 50 Shades "phenomenon" that secular society has portrayed as normal sex, isn't something that we as Christians should be conforming to. I understand that there are risks associated with anal sex, but there are risks associated with all kinds of sex. Biblically there's nothing that pertains to it, and God obviously designed our bodies with thousands of nerve endings around the opening of (especially my wife's beautiful) assholes.
    Thanks for the clarification! We enjoy reading the site!

  11. Marriage Heat
    Marriage Heat says:

    MH: Dr. Kevin Leman and other medical doctors have cautioned against the possible negative consequences for women. In the spirit of moderation, we came to our policy. We are glad you enjoy the site.

  12. drew t
    drew t says:

    What would be your definition of anal play? I've been reading stories on the site and haven't come across one yet that included anal play in any form.

  13. She Writes
    She Writes says:

    I'm not sure I'm allowed to voice this but I also share drew t's confusion with the yes-BDSM, no-Anal.

    I'll happily respect the rules of MH, but it seems like an arbitrary rule. I wonder if this comes more from social stigma rather than medical advice. Because, truly, that is one single doctor. You could find so many other reputable doctors who would say that when anal is done with reasonable care and there are no previous medical conditions, it's fine for the wife – and for the husband too, because there's a selection of sex toys for that.

    Thanks to MH for letting me voice dissent and to drew t for bringing it up.

  14. drew t
    drew t says:

    She writes-thanks for your comment. I do believe if this were pre-50 Shades, the same social stigma would be in place for BDSM. They made it mainstream, right or wrong, and it's somehow become socially acceptable. Without getting too detailed, my wife and I thoroughly enjoy anal play with 50/50 of it focused on her and me. We've broken through the stigma and found an entire other world of pleasure that we found really by trial and error exploring each others bodies over 10 years of marriage.

  15. Adam Rose
    Adam Rose says:

    Language is almost all about context.
    Context is influenced by many many factors.
    For instance…
    If you're in the company of friends, blatant sexuality with your wife might come as "honey lets get out of here, it's getting late and i wanted to do a few more things with you tonight before we run out of time." (I'm sure you'll get a mix of laghter and good natured banter from the peanut gallery like, "tmi dude!" And "My ears are bleeding!" And "excuse me while a puke!" But in the end it won't offend anyone.)
    Now if you're amongst friends and tell your wife "honey I've been hard all night and want to take you home so i can bend you over a basin!" Well that might be a bit awkward… to say the least. Where as the same line would be a perfectly reasonable use of blatant sexuality if said in private.

    I see how this could be a very interesting topic.

    I would say that boldness is always sexy no matter the setting because it is such a pure expression of confidence.

  16. Adam Rose
    Adam Rose says:

    @She Writes
    So true.
    Men deal with rejection on a daily basis. Especially when it comes to our sexuality.
    I don't know if women get the same battlehardening so to speak.

    It's a cruel world my friends… and within words all we have is war. Especially in relationships. Communicate and do it always.

  17. Harper Shelby Thornton
    Harper Shelby Thornton says:

    @drew t If i may get in on this, there are some anal play stories, it's the anal sex stories that aren't really accepted here. "Plan B Sex" is a story about anal play, and I've seen others too. We were never comfortable with it for obvious reasons. I think there are arbitrary feelings with everyone about certain things, like my husband and I never understood BDSM, or kink or anything, and we've always felt negative about it. We don't judge those who do like it, even if it's not our thing.

    You say: "I also think the 50 Shades "phenomenon" that secular society has portrayed as normal sex, isn't something that we as Christians should be conforming to."

    My response: Hebrews 13:4 says it all. Based on that, anything goes, and I don't believe Christians are forbidden from being kinky. There's nothing in the Bible that says anything about what husband and wives can do sexually. I recently I read something I didn't agree with, and I actually copped a rebuking which I believe ultimately came from God Himself, and I was put in my place because I was being a bit judgemental about the content, despite that I always took Hebrews 13:4 to mean anything goes in the marriage bed – and I was reminded of the fact that anything really does mean anything. So that was my mistake, of pretty much having a double standard, and I didn't even realize it at the time. Just because I may not agree with something, doesn't mean I should judge someone else because they do. God bless, and I love you MH

  18. drew t
    drew t says:

    Harper-Agree with everything you said. I may not have explained my position very well. My point is that prior to the 50 Shades phenomenon, BDSM wasn't mainstream. They made it mainstream. Hebrews 13:4 is obviously correct, but 50 Shades is not Hebrews 13:4. I haven't seen the movies or read the books, but from what I understand, the woman portrayed in the movie isn't a willing participant nor are they married. I'm simply drawing a parallel between what is perceived to be mainstream in BDSM now and what it was prior to 50 Shades being released.
    I believe if anal sex was truly harmful, the bible would explicitly say that. As you stated, Hebrews 13:4 gives us the freedom within the confines of marriage to enjoy all of the pleasures that God has given us. I was simply asking a question to MH why they were limiting A and restricting B. Seems legalistic to me, but it's not my site so they can choose to do with it as they please. I still enjoy reading MH and will respect that.

  19. ClimaXX
    ClimaXX says:

    I really love the fact that so many of you are getting involved in this discussion…..BUT…..Ladies, please tell us GUYS what you would see as BLATANT SEXUALITY. What can we guys do that would really turn you on. Give it to us!
    Tell us! Be daring and be honest. We need some tips from you. My wife can turn me on by just getting out of the car in such a way that I can look up her dress…AND SHE DOES. By telling me that she is not wearing a panty….AND SHE DOES. By coming behind me and putting her hands into my pockets and asking if there is any 'hard cash' in there…AND SHE DOES. By just walking past me naked….AND SHE DOES.
    Ladies PLEASE get into this. By just telling us you turn us on. so TELL US>

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